To be pissed off that step - SIL is expecting DC7?

[mothersdaughter]

Just returned from the in laws for the pre Xmas meet up.

DH's step Sister was there. She proudly announced she is pregnant with DC7. She is 28, has never worked since leaving school. Her DP does not live with her, but they are together. He is the father of all the children. He does not work either, so they are essentially living off the state. She has no plans to consider long term contraception.

This week DH and I came to the conclusion that there would be no DC3. We cannot afford for me to have another lot of Maternity leave, and also childcare fees.

DH works full time, I work almost full time and both DC's are in nursery. He are not near the breadline, but have to be very careful and things like holidays etc are just not possible. Therefore it is more than sensible to not have a DC3. I have felt a little sad this week, I do sort of feel that I'd love another one, but its just not workable.

So AIBU to be totally pissed of that step SIL can bang out kid after kid with no thought or consequence? Funnily enough she just could not fathom out why having another DC would cost us money, when for her its just increases her income.

You could have seven children if you like, mothersdaughter. Then your income would increase too.

Thats a week.

No much debt that I know off. They don't have an extravagant lifestyle, although she obviously spends a fortune on food and nappies.

Even when she had 1-2 DC's they were unkempt though. She'd send them to her MIL for a weekend with no clothes etc and MIL would have to cloth the DC's herself.

I love the idea that everyone gets to decide what their tax money is spent on.

In that case, I'm happy to pay for OP's sister, if someone else could pick up the bill for Trident?

Problem solved

YANBU - your taxes pay for her benefits.

yes i know ethically she is entitled to as many kids as she wants, but morally i think it is wrong.

Winky - yes we did think about that but I'm afraid I'll be too old in a few years time.

"where we are choosing not to have more DC's "

Exactly. You are choosing not to. You have the option to do the same as her but you choose not to. If you feel that is the better way to go then feel comfortable with your choice. You cannot make other people behave the way that you would.

I think it is wrong too.

Tethersjingle - I wouldn't have 7 DC's because apart from child benefit, we do not claim any other benefits. If I was to have 5 more DC's I'd pretty much have to give up work, and we cannot survive on DH's lone wage.

So no having more DC's would not increase our income.

I still don't care

What if your dh lived apart from you and the children and both of you didn't work? Hmm. That's how she is living isn't it? Morals aside would you prefer that?

On a funny note, I'd have asked her if it still touches the sides!

Oh haha Fabby

Fabby for the first time ever

"So no having more DC's would not increase our income."

But it would put you on the same income as the woman you resent so much... Can you seen what I'm getting at?

She's going to be FUCKED when UC comes in though, OP. Maybe you will feel a lot better then, when they are homeless and starving? Maybe you won't feel like your judgy-knickers are giving you a wedgy then? You've only got till somewhere between 2013 and 2017 to wait. By 2017 at the very latest, she'll be SCREWED.

I think they should stop paying any more benefit to people who have never worked and only ever drop kids with no financial support from the father.

What is the world coming to when your living is made by dropping babies.

YANBU - I'm afraid I would judge them too (both adults, not just SIL!). I do think it's irresponsible to have that many children - in fact, any children at all - when you can't support them and don't even plan to try.

However, you must think of your life choices as your own. You are choosing not to have a DC3 because of what you believe is important for quality of life for your family. SIL does not have the same ideas or share your morals, and nothing you do or say will change that. You would not live your life like hers - but you could; you choose not to. Ultimately, you must feel proud that you and DH stand by your beliefs, and you will bring up your family in the way that you want to.

You know, OP, there's another thread on this board where people are in distress about benefits. If you want to slam people on benefits, go take a look and see just how hard it can be.www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1362184-In-being-petrified-about-the-welfare-changes-which-will-affect-parents-who-care-for-disabled-children

Its broken Britain

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1362184-In-being-petrified-about-the-welfare-changes-which-will-affect-parents-who-care-for-disabled-children
Sorry.

Good for you Usual. Why bother to respond then.

No Yuuule, I would not be happy to be living in such a way.

However, I have not once said that I envy her lifestyle. In fact, I have not go down the usual benefit bashing route of saying that they holiday in Benidorm and have loads of flat screen TV's etc.

They don't live a luxury lifestyle. As I said, the DC's rarely go out, and the main form of stimulation in the house is the TV. No, I would not want to live like that.

What I ask though is why are we in a position where someone can have 7 DC's funded by the state, but also with no questions asked as to whether this is the right situation for the DC's to born into.