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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you don't want people taking photos of your child in the school play don't let them be in it!

319 replies

2anddone · 12/12/2011 15:52

Hi I am sure this has been done a hundred times before but I am so pissed off. DS had his school nativity play today and at the start we were told no photos or videoing was allowed. Typically enough it was the first school production where he hasn't cried. They are not filming the play or offering us any other ways to get a 'memory' of the play and the reason given was that 2 parents had requested no photos were allowed. This is not due to religious beliefs it was simply they didn't want other people taking photos of their dc. I know IAPBU but I don't care IMO if you don't want your child photographed in the play collect them early and don't let them be in it! Rant over Xmas Angry

OP posts:
purplewednesday · 12/12/2011 17:39

I do understand about all the child protection stuff but I really like taking pics of my DD in school plays.

I think zandone should take it up with the school and ask for an alternative solution to be thought of that doesn't discriminate the majority of us.

Are adoptive parents always told that they have to be watching over their shoulder every 5 mins, just in case?

tallulah · 12/12/2011 17:43

My DD did her first nativity at school last week and we were all told no photos or filming because a parent had requested it. My mum was furious that she wasn't allowed to take photos so I explained to her it was probably a protection issue (as she puts photos on FB all the time without asking first).

As it turned out it was lovely to be able to watch something without the endless camera flashes and people standing up to film. They'd taken individual photos of the children in costume and we could buy them afterwards.

The HT has since included a group photo of the reception children in costume on a newsletter but it was too dark to even be sure which one is DD Confused

unfitmother · 12/12/2011 17:48

YABU Yab

RedHelenB · 12/12/2011 17:49

Ds(4) was best friends with a child who was about to be adopted & no pictures were allowed to be taken of him. I think he will always remember him though.

JeanBodel · 12/12/2011 17:54

YABVU

I know there are children at my child's school who have very good reasons why they should not be photo'd.

I'm not so selfish that I'd happily jeopardise their safety just so I can get a picture of my darling little Tarquin in a tea towel.

unitarian · 12/12/2011 17:55

I had a single glimpse of my DD in her first nativity play before an idiot father walked down the aisle to take a photo of his child. I missed all the rest of the scene. I lost count of how often something similar happened year on year, such as a pair of hands holding a camera shooting up from the row in front right in front of my face.

No, parents should not take photos during the play/concert. Take pictures of your child before or after all dressed up if you want but don't spoil other people's chances to see a special occasion and store it in their memories.

KatAndKit · 12/12/2011 17:59

If you went to any other sort of public performance such as the theatre, it would not be acceptable to block other peoples view and spoil their enjoyment just so you could record the event on film.

JaneBirkin · 12/12/2011 18:01

purplewednesday Mon 12-Dec-11 17:39:41
I do understand about all the child protection stuff but I really like taking pics of my DD in school plays.

is completely at odds with:

Are adoptive parents always told that they have to be watching over their shoulder every 5 mins, just in case?

So I don't think actually you DO understand very much about child protection issues.

lockets · 12/12/2011 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalkinPeace2 · 12/12/2011 18:04

janebirkin

I am in no way an expert on such things but would be VERY surprised if what you say is true

GypsyMoth · 12/12/2011 18:08

Op where are you????

natation · 12/12/2011 18:18

In our school there are almost 1200 students and we have a photo opt out system. Only one student's parents opted out and that child has now left, meaning thankfully all members of staff and parents during shows can take photos without constantly checking for children they are not allowed to have in photos.

IReallyHateMyCat · 12/12/2011 18:25

I don't put any photos of dd on line or on FB and i dont let others do it.
But even I agree with you. If one child can't be photographed they shouldnt be in the play. Many parents show the videos to grandparents who live abroad or are too ill to attend, and i think it is silly for everyone to change for one child. Not being in a school play will not scar a child for life.

TheScaryJessie · 12/12/2011 18:27

In addition to all that has been said, I feel a need to point out that privacy settings don't stop a friend/relative saving a photograph to their pc, and then uploading it again onto their profile, which may have much looser settings.

Yours,
Jessie-who-learnt-that-the-hard-way.

annaklingon · 12/12/2011 18:29

IReallyHateMyCat - I actually don't have words to debate with you why your post is offensive to those who have escaped abuse.

Why should an innocent child continue to suffer just so that you can take a picture of your PFB?

Should the child not be allowed to compete in Sports Day? Banned from singing in the choir? Not allowed to play their instrument at the Carol Concert?

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 18:30

IReally - by your logic - someone (an adult, not a small child), won't be scarred for life by not seeing a video of a child.

Sidge · 12/12/2011 18:32

You can remember it in your head you know - it's called memory.

It doesn't have to be preserved in digital media and shared on YouTube/Facebook/Twitter to have happened.

(Oh and do you know the reasons why the parents refused? It may have been someone like my friend, who is a foster carer, and many of the children she fosters aren't allowed to be identified so their violent and abusive parents can't find where they go to school. Why should they miss out on being in the play/nativity so you can record your child's performance?)

KatAndKit · 12/12/2011 18:43

Ofsted and the like would have a total field day if schools started excluding looked after children and other vulnerable children from plays, concerts etc just so that the grandparents of the other children could watch a video. Schools have a particular duty towards looked after children and have to show that they are going out of their way to help them.

The school is their for the children not so that their grannies and aunties can see a video of an event on the internet. The child who has to miss out every time would be quite upset about this after a few years, whereas all the grannies that couldn't make it that time will definitely not be scarred for life.

And what would the school say to explain to the child who is too young to understand the reasons why they are being excluded from all these events?

Basically if you think the child should not be allowed to take part, you think that the school should put the viewing pleasure of relatives above the needs of the children in their care. Which would be a pretty fucked up view of what education is about.

MrsCampbellBlack · 12/12/2011 18:47

Gosh - I really really can't believe that someone thinks a child who can't be photographed should be excluded from a play. Really, really!

I mean you have read the thread - you do realise why some children can't be photographed.

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 18:48

Mrs - she burgered off, don't know what she thinks

IReallyHateMyCat · 12/12/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

ChristinedePizanne · 12/12/2011 18:49

My friend's DD has a beautiful voice and is a very talented performer. She has a leading role in her nativity play at school. She is also adopted and, if her birth family were to know where she lives, she would be at serious risk. For a child who was born into horrible, horrible circumstances, the joy that she takes in performance is a really healing thing.

Her right to be in the school play trumps your right to take photos and videos of your PFBs.

IReallyHateMyCat · 12/12/2011 18:50

Oh and btw not being a school play wouldnt have really been a concern to me if it meant I didn't have to see my dad who was kicking the shit out of me or my mother on a daily basis. Your knowlwdge of abuse you think you would know that one sort of pales in significance.

KatAndKit · 12/12/2011 18:51

And someone else might be videoing their child in the same play, at the same time as you are videoing your daughter. The next morning your daughter is on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. You didn't choose that, you didn't allow it, you have no control over that video and you are powerless to do anything about it.

Not every parent videos and takes pictures and puts them online. But some do. The school has no way of knowing what will happen to the videos so they make a blanket ban.

annaklingon · 12/12/2011 18:52

IReallyHateMyCat - there really is no need to address me in that offensive and nasty manner. I did not swear at you.

My point stands. First off, you have no idea where the video will end up, you may not put it on FB but someone else may. Secondly, there are children where there are court orders in place that forbid photographs and videos for the protection of the child, so that the child will not be abducted or found by an abusive parent.