to think that if you don't want people taking photos of your child in the school play don't let them be in it!

[2anddone]

Hi I am sure this has been done a hundred times before but I am so pissed off. DS had his school nativity play today and at the start we were told no photos or videoing was allowed. Typically enough it was the first school production where he hasn't cried. They are not filming the play or offering us any other ways to get a 'memory' of the play and the reason given was that 2 parents had requested no photos were allowed. This is not due to religious beliefs it was simply they didn't want other people taking photos of their dc. I know IAPBU but I don't care IMO if you don't want your child photographed in the play collect them early and don't let them be in it! Rant over

[MrsHoarder]

So because a child has an abusive parent who is not allowed contact (or to know where they live/go to school) they should be excluded from some of the highlights of primary school? These are probably the children who need the boost of the fun activities the most!

I think they should have lined up photo-time afterwards though, so parents can get a photo where the children are facing the front and smiling at the camera, and the fun part is over so kids who can't be photographed can be excluded more gently.

[FredFredGeorge]

I have no memories of when I was a child, and rely on photographs to stimulate what few memories I do have (presumably from retelling of the story when looking at the photo) Surely the children who are in the play are also being "punished" by there being no record of them doing it.

[VeronicaSpeedwell]

And it's not just a case of 'collect them early', is it? The excluded child (for whatever reason) would have to sit on the sidelines at all the rehearsals, have no costume, not be able to chat to their parents about it all, not have their moment when they feel that someone in the audience is proud of them, and hugs them afterwards and tells them how well they did. And most likely they would have no real understanding of why they were denied all this. But I'm sure it would all be worth it for you to get your photo .

[annaklingon]

YABVVVVVU

So, a child is uprooted, flees abuse of the vilest kind and is then ostracised and punished for the rest of their school days because you can't have a photo of your PFB? That child is excluded from sports day, performances, all kinds of things, just so you can upload pictures of your PFB all over Facefuck?

Have some compassion and understanding please.

[stuffthenonsense]

There must be ways to find a compromise here, i used to take pictures of my eldest at such events, by the time DD3 was in plays cameras were not allowed...she believes we were bored by the time she came along, so sad....i cant understand why the majority should have a 'normal' event quashed because a solution to the rare case of child protection cannot be found.
Plus, nowadays, how many primary school kids have mobile phones and are they not regularly taking pics of each other which will no doubt end up online.
I can appreciate the need for privacy, but is it really to be had at the expense of personal freedom....is this not one of the fundamental ideals of great british life?

[VivaLeBeaver]

Do you know I've never bothereed taking a photo of dd in a nativity play even though I'd have been allowed to. Too busy watching the play. I have plenty of opportunities in her life to take hundreds of photos. I don't feel that either her or myself have missed out through there not been any photos of her dressed up as Mary.

[tyler80]

I think having some sort of arrangement for photos at the end without those who want to opt out is sensible. If only to avoid people secretly filming/photo taking.

[KatAndKit]

No, for the vast majority of people, "remembering" when you were a sheep or an angel is not a matter of life and death, they aren't being punished, you don't need a photographic record of every single thing that ever happened to you.
Mrs Hoarder has the most sensible solution, that should be what schools ought to do. Allow you to take photos afterwards of your kids in the costume.
Anyway, surely it is a fair bit of pressure for a 5 year old to perform with all those video cameras going? I'm sure some of the kids would find 10 people videoing them quite unnerving at that age.

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Another way of adopted and LAC to feel different.

You cant be in a play/show etc because all the mummies and daddies of the normal children want the right to stick photos all over the bloody internet

[Acekicker]

their precious little angels yes indeed - quite probably a 'precious' child who has fled horrific abuse and might not live to see next year's nativity if they are found by the 'wrong' people.

it was simply they didn't want other people taking photos of their dc so if the school had sent a letter home giving full details of why they can't be photographed, perhaps setting out the dates of the court orders, precis of the police reports, social worker contact details, maybe naming the children etc then you'd be more understanding? No-one has to give you any reason as to why their child can't be photographed - use your common sense, perhaps keep a diary in case your memory fails you and get over it.

Schools cannot control what happens to pictures taken at their events - they know full well that even if they ask parents not to post pictures online a few will ignore this claiming 'they're my pictures it's my right to do what I want with them'...fast forward a few shares/wall postings by people with shite security settings and all of a sudden a vulnerable child who has probably had precious little stability in their life is at best emotionally distraught, perhaps on the move again, and at worst...

[MollyTheMole]

infact I think you are a bit U to ask that kids are excluded because of their parents decision, aldiwhores school sounds like they have the right idea then everyone is happy.

I still think people are very naive if they think that stopping people taking pics is going to protect their kids from anything undesireable. Do these parents vet all of the audience to check other parents dont know someone who might know someone who might be an aunties cousin of a kid in the play?

[KateFrothers]

In my previous working life I had the keys and alarm codes to access a large amount of money. If someone saw pictures of my son, identified him as my son and used him to kidnap him and hold him as ransom to make me steal that money for them (called Tiger Kidnap) just the possibility of that would make me say no photos.

It's not just abused children but also many ordinary folk who do ordinary jobs (supermarket managers, bank managers etc etc) where large amounts of cash are kept on the premises.

[deepandcrispandsevenfold]

yanbu

[Dinosaurhunter]

Yanbu

[KatAndKit]

There is only so much the school can do to protect children of course. Yes their location might be given away by someone who knows someone who knows a cousins of the kid in the play. The school can't do anything about that.

However the school can prevent photos and videos of the child being taken during a school event, and they have a responsibility to do that.

Just because you can't do everything does not mean you should do nothing.

[annaklingon]

Molly - I am aware of a situation iwhere a family has moved hundreds of miles to escape abuse. So keeping those children safe and pics off the internet may well stop them being "found".

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

Agree with viva.

I prefer to watch what is going on. If you can see anything past all the idiots trying to get a shot and make their precious memories.

As for children being punished by not having a few photos taken - come off it.
Punished is having to leave your school and home because an abusive parent has found out where you live.
Or having your birth mother come and shout at you in the playground that she has come to rescue you and take you away from the fuckers that stole you.

[MollyTheMole]

also guess my view on this is skewed somewhat as I dont upload pics on to facebook and would have no intention too either although appreciate here are some saddos who put everything on there.

[annaklingon]

iwhere? WTF am I on?

*where

[Acekicker]

Surely the children who are in the play are also being "punished" by there being no record of them doing it

yeah - it's right up there with the vilest kind of abuse, beatings and god knows what...

I don't think there is a single photo of me in a school play - I'm not sure I can even be arsed to type 'meh'...

[manicinsomniac]

YABU to suggest that children be excluded.

But YANBU to want a solution. I understand the importance you place on photos, I'm the same way - I would be really geunuinely upset if I couldn't have a photo of any significant moment or event, I'm a total camera fiend.

Facebook is a total nightmare in this repsect, it has really ruined a lot of photo opportunities.

Where I work a member of staff takes hundreds of photos both of the show itself and of groups and individuals afterwards and backstage. Parents can then buy them. If there is a child who cannot be photographed then they would be either editted out or photos including them would be left out.

[KateFrothers]

This link explains about Tiger Kidnap. For those of you saying not unreasonable have a look.

[MollyTheMole]

So if I am in the park, taking a pic of my son on the swing, and your DD is in the shot in the background, would you ask me to delete the pic?

(question not to anyone in particular btw, just a general one)

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

molly
My son's birth mother has pornographic websites. She likes to put photos of her children on there next to photos of her with her tits out.
So if I took pictures of my son and he was standing next to your child, stuck them on facebook....

Would you be happy to find out that she had got hold of those photos and put them underneath a photo of her with her finger in her mouth and her knickers off?

Your child on that website just because I thought I should have the right to do what I like?

[Bucharest]

My half sister has a lover with child abuse convictions. As a result her 3 children have been taken into care,in cities miles away from their hometown because the risk to them, should this animal find them is considered too great for them to have been fostered locally.

I do hope photographs of these innocent children never end up on your FB you ignorant morons who think it's OK to flout school rules which have been put in place for a very good reason. Shame on you.

Oh, and word to the "wise". No-one on this planet, apart from yourselves who begat him, are remotely interested in seeing Junior PFB in his reindeer costume splattered all over in any case. There is nothing so bone-achingly boring as photo after photo of Other People's Children. It's why the FB hide button was invented, to save us the nausea and self-absorption.