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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if you don't want people taking photos of your child in the school play don't let them be in it!

319 replies

2anddone · 12/12/2011 15:52

Hi I am sure this has been done a hundred times before but I am so pissed off. DS had his school nativity play today and at the start we were told no photos or videoing was allowed. Typically enough it was the first school production where he hasn't cried. They are not filming the play or offering us any other ways to get a 'memory' of the play and the reason given was that 2 parents had requested no photos were allowed. This is not due to religious beliefs it was simply they didn't want other people taking photos of their dc. I know IAPBU but I don't care IMO if you don't want your child photographed in the play collect them early and don't let them be in it! Rant over

OP posts:

Sassybeast · 12/12/2011 16:32

If I typed out what I really thought of your post and your poor diddums attitude, I'd probably get banned.
So instead, have a gentle YABU. And educate yourself about 'looked after children' domestic violence and escape from abuse. And be thankful that it's not your 4 year old who has to be protected......

MollyTheMole · 12/12/2011 16:33

I ask because this kind of happened the other week, a mum looked very angry that I was taking pics of my DS in the park, tutting every time I took a pic (only took about 4 or 5) and for a minute I actually thought she was going to ask me to stop

KateFrothers · 12/12/2011 16:34

at MrsDV that's ghastly awful

Molly I would not have an issue because my child could not be identified. If you took a picture of my child in the school play and I still worked for the bank with access to £80,000 in cash (v tempting for a criminal) and you posted it online then I would have concerns.

deepandcrispandsevenfold · 12/12/2011 16:34

why does every one assume this was because of abuse, no one knows,
I am glad dd's school take the gentler approach and ask you just not to take pictures of one girl, it is really easy to do.
my dd has sn and one of her joys is watching her school play on DVD, no way would I be happy if I had to stop doing it.

KateFrothers · 12/12/2011 16:35

Not everyone deepand

KatAndKit · 12/12/2011 16:36

I'm not sure it is a great idea for the school to make public the names of the children who are not to be photographed!! Kind of defeats the object really.

MollyTheMole · 12/12/2011 16:36

MrsDV - honestly? My view is I cant stop people taking a pic and if someone does something shitty to that pic well, I cant do nowt about it. What I can do is try protect my son from any real life threats. There may be a pic of my DS out there now, I dont know, but I dont lose sleep over something that hasnt actually happened.

annaklingon · 12/12/2011 16:36

Deepandcrisp - I am that the school would single out a child like that. If I was their parents I would have their guts on a plate for that. And their balls for dessert.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 12/12/2011 16:37

molly if you had asked that mum what her problem was she might have told you.
She might have just looke like you were a bit bonkers because she didnt give a toss about you taking photos of your own child.
We will never know.

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 16:37

deepand - I would have a problem with a school telling me not to take photos of one particular child. That's a good way to start gossip about a family ...

annaklingon · 12/12/2011 16:37

Molly - yes, but if the danger is that if the pic is posted on FB with "jonny at such n such school nativity" and the family are fleeing serious domestic abuse, the pic gets on FB and as such the abuser can trace them - can you not see that is a real life threat?

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 12/12/2011 16:43

Before I got banned from Netmums I was on a thread. A young woman worked for a nursery. She was being critical of how parents dressed their children.
I very politely and gently pointed out that she should be careful about talking about work on an open forum.
Cue much derision and 'stop getting your knickers in a twist' from several posters. Many of them telling the young woman to ignore me, I was a nutter. Noone could tell who she was or where she worked.

I found out, in about 5 minutes, her full name, where she studied, age, photos, the church she attended and the full name and address of the nursery she worked at.

I didnt publish any of this information. The girl in question said I was bluffing and blah blah. I PM'd her to tell her how easy it was. I was trying to help her, she was very young and didnt realise how easy this stuff is. The other posters should have known better.

I am no expert. All you need is a bit of time and a bit of info.

redpanda13 · 12/12/2011 16:45

I went to my DD's nativity last week and cameras and videos were allowed. I did not bother with either. I sat and enjoyed it. I waved to her when I came in and she smiled and waved back. When she came home she asked how if I had enjoyed it and never asked if I had a photo of her.
There are no photos of me at school plays either. I can't say I feel sad or disadvantaged. Ask my mum and she can remember them all just fine!

wannaBe · 12/12/2011 16:45

quite apart from the valid reasons for wanting certain children excluded from photographs, there's nothing more annoying than sitting in the nativity having to listen to the click click click/flash flash flash of a hundred cameras as people spend the entire time taking photographs to the extent they probably don't actually see an awful lot of the actual show. I think they should be banned for that reason alone.

People with cameras are annoying. People with video cameras ten times more so.

redpanda13 · 12/12/2011 16:46

she asked if I had enjoyed it not how if I enjoyed it - damn too much mulled wine at school fair!

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 16:48

I agree wannaBe. Is something not happening, or important unless it's being filmed?

Miette · 12/12/2011 16:49

If the parents don't want their kids to be videoed because they are worried "the peedos" will see it YANBU. If it is for a valid reason, such as child protection issues then YABU

Sassybeast · 12/12/2011 16:50

Deepandcrisp - Mine isn't an 'assumption. It's based on cold, hard, fucking awful reality.

wannaBe · 12/12/2011 16:54

agree mrsD. People underestimate just how not anonimous the internet actually is.

Anyone remember izzyRuby? (and yes, I bring this up every time this type of topic is mentioned), she was a mumsnetter who obtained pictures of children from mumsnetters and other sources since she ran a child modelling website. It was suspected (although never proved) that she sold these pictures to paedophiles where they were doctored... I needn't go into the details. These were normal pictures.

She wasn't ever convicted because iirc she fled to Brazil.

But anyone who believes this stuff doesn't happen, or that you can't be identified from information on the net is very naive.

I was recognized in a shop once. By a mumsnetter I had never met. She knew I was a mumsnetter, and she knew who I was. And all that from information I have posted here - my location, how many dc I have, etc. Admittedly I have a guide dog which probably makes me a bit more recognizeable if you narrow down an area but still...

EdithWeston · 12/12/2011 16:54

YABVVVVVU

The fact that the child need protection may also in itself need to be kept confidential.

You want everyone in the school and its community to know exactly who that is? You want to both stigmatise the child and remove one layer of the protection required for their vulnerability.

For a photograph?

I am very glad that schools take a far wiser view, and take their responsibilities to the vulnerable seriously.

namechangerbat · 12/12/2011 16:55

Yes as others have said YABU BIG TIME

midnightexpress · 12/12/2011 16:56

Hmmm. YA probably BU. However, at our school concert last week, the HT told us at the start that we're not allowed to take any pics/vids, but that they would take pics and put them up on the school website. How does that work then? Even if people who've objected to having pics taken are excluded from these pics, how come it's OK for the school to put up pics of my child, but it's not OK for me to have the same pics on my camera, in my home?

KatAndKit · 12/12/2011 16:59

It's ok because the school have kept control about which children can appear in the photographs. They will only put pictures on the website of children whose parents have filled in the standard consent form. There is nothing stopping you from copying the picture of your child and posting it onto ArseCrack or whatever other website you please.

If the pics are on your camera, the school has no control and can not fulfill its legal safeguarding responsibilities.

It is a shame that we need rules like this to ensure some kids stay safe, but it is sadly a fact that it is needed and is not something schools have invented to piss parents off.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2011 17:00

The school are being unreasonable here

A lot of schools get round this by asking parents to take the photos after the play (while the kids are still on stage)

This gives parents time to remove their children if they wish....and everyone's a winner.

midnightexpress · 12/12/2011 17:01

OK, thanks kitandkate. In that case, YABU, OP.

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