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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you don't want people taking photos of your child in the school play don't let them be in it!

319 replies

2anddone · 12/12/2011 15:52

Hi I am sure this has been done a hundred times before but I am so pissed off. DS had his school nativity play today and at the start we were told no photos or videoing was allowed. Typically enough it was the first school production where he hasn't cried. They are not filming the play or offering us any other ways to get a 'memory' of the play and the reason given was that 2 parents had requested no photos were allowed. This is not due to religious beliefs it was simply they didn't want other people taking photos of their dc. I know IAPBU but I don't care IMO if you don't want your child photographed in the play collect them early and don't let them be in it! Rant over Xmas Angry

OP posts:
midnightexpress · 12/12/2011 17:01

sorry, katandkit.

soverylucky · 12/12/2011 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatAndKit · 12/12/2011 17:05

You probably can't purchase a photo of any kid you like! Their parents will have had to fill in a form giving permission for the school to take and use photographs of their child.

soverylucky · 12/12/2011 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatAndKit · 12/12/2011 17:08

That means that all the parents have consented to photos being taken by the school

However, it does not mean they have consented to any old person being able to come into the assembly hall and take pictures of their child. They know that it is the teachers taking the photos and they trust them.

Nanny0gg · 12/12/2011 17:08

Because it is safe to do so.
It is so easy for permission slips to be filled in and then for school to take photos/make DVDs.
That way, any children who must be left out can be and all are satisfied.

NinkyNonker · 12/12/2011 17:08

Totally Yabu. Given many of us grew up before cameras with flash zooms, flash, video cameras etc (and I'm only 30) I doubt not having pics etc of little Ben in a sheep costume is going to traumatise him as otherwise there would be generations of screwed up adults out there.

MuddlingMackem · 12/12/2011 17:09

I can understand you being disappointed, but YABU.

Our dc's school has had to ban cameras at performances for the first time this academic year, previously they didn't have any parents who refused permission for photos. I'm rather sad about it as dd has just started reception and we won't have any video record of her first harvest festival, etc, etc unlike her older brother.

Her brother was disappointed the first time we couldn't video something this year because it meant his dad wouldn't get to see it, but at 7 he's old enough to understand why some children can't be photographed/filmed.

soverylucky · 12/12/2011 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reallytired · 12/12/2011 17:12

I think that local authority care kids should be allowed to be in the school play. It is pretty standard tha LAC kids are not allowed to have photos of them taken by schools. Its a matter of life and death.

I would favour having a teacher taking photos and then selling the photos to the parents. In that way the school would raise money and local authority care kids would be kept safe.

soverylucky · 12/12/2011 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreudianSlipper · 12/12/2011 17:14

YABVU

children do not like their picture taken

some families have escaped very abusive men and are living in fear of them finding out where they are sadly with the internet this is harder for them and every picture you put on fb or film on youtube can be open to anyone and everyone and abusive ex partners tend to try their hardest to track their ex partner down

goingtoofast · 12/12/2011 17:14

At my DD's school the school takes photos of the kids in costumes. It means we can enjoy the plays without cameras in the way and we get a little memory in the form of a photo. Also as the pictures are done in small groups I wouldn't notice if any kids who need protecting are missing.

wannaBe, I remeber Izzy. I didn't think she was selling the model agency photos as they were going to a random address in London. I think her and her husband were taking money for language courses that didn't exist too and were also wanted by the Brazilian police - wonder what happened in the end....

TalkinPeace2 · 12/12/2011 17:14

there are ways the school can get round it though

we used to be barred from taking pictures DURING the play
but at the end, there was always a bit of a kerfuffle
(during which the no picture children were quietly removed from the hall)
and then it was photo free for all

those kids got to be in the play
we got our pictures
everybody happy

now that the particular children are at secondary and the custody issues have been sorted there are no restrictions
I thought it was unfair at the time, but not half as unfair as the crap that the world had dumped on those poor children's heads

MrsCampbellBlack · 12/12/2011 17:20

YABU for all the reasons stated.

And honestly the school that told the parents which child not to photograph - well words absolutely fail me.

I picked ds up today - its his last day and the teacher had popped a photo of him in his shepherd's costume in his bookbag - easy - took the teachers about 10 mins to do the photos and not much time to print them off.

And I hate this need to film everything nowadays - some people have lost the art of just enjoying the moment for the moment's sake but thats an unpopular view nowadays.

elinorbellowed · 12/12/2011 17:22

My PFB was a sheep in his first nativity today. It was lovely and hilarious and I will remember it for the rest of my life without the need for pictures. The Head very nicely and firmly explained, and we were pre-warned in a letter and everyone happily agreed. I know some of the circumstances of the pupils (because I teach their older siblings, not because anyone has broken confidentiality) and I can guess why, but actually, no-one asked or complained. I was most relieved. Wasn't there some awful situation last year where a play was delayed or cancelled because some arrogant father refused to follow the rule? My mum remembers all of our plays and no photos of those exist.
YABU

Meglet · 12/12/2011 17:25

YABU. For all the reasons all the other yabu-ers said.

MuddlingMackem · 12/12/2011 17:26

Forgot to say that the dc's school are still doing an official DVD of the nativity this term, and the other termly shows, but are having to figure out how to work around the restrictions imposed by the 'no photograph' children.

Dustinthewind · 12/12/2011 17:27

Because of course, the entire point of a school play and all the time and effort it takes over weeks is so that parents can take photos.
YABU

Mincepieeyes · 12/12/2011 17:27

It's a relief though in a way isn't it? Now we can actually see our children in the nativity play, rather than spending the time trying to dodge round other parents blocking our view in their selfish fight to video or photograph every minute their precious one is on stage.

elinorbellowed · 12/12/2011 17:28

www.thefreelibrary.com/NO+CAM+ALL+YE+FAITHFUL%3B+EXCLUSIVE+Dad's+fury+at+nativity+photo+ban...-a0172454724

Not sure if it was this one, but what a selfish dickhead anyway.

VikingLady · 12/12/2011 17:28

I grew up in an area with several women's refuges, and one poor kid was snatched from the playground at our infants school. We had good security after that, with locked gates.

I'm now over 30, and my primary school may have been one of the first to ban cameras at school plays in case the photos got circulated, and that was before facebook.

That said, I wouldn't have a real go at the OP for posting the question - perhaps she did not think about the abuse aspect? It is something I would consider, but is that because I have experience of it (vicarious, thank god)?

VikingLady · 12/12/2011 17:28

Really hope that didn't sound smug. Wasn't meant to.

JaneBirkin · 12/12/2011 17:36

You're not unreasonable to want a photo of your child, and perhaps the school could have filmed it and made copies available to parents, that's not to say the same parents wouldn't publish the video on the web etc. So it's a difficult thing.
photographs of individual children and groups of children taken at the end of the play is how our school handles it.

I find it quite painful to watch an entire film of my children's productions, tbh, though a photo in their costume is always nice.

I don't mind parents photographing them. Most parents we have at school are sensible and have decent privacy settings I imagine on their facebook/whatever they use. But it's a small school and I know most people. I do mind the press printing photos of my children, so I don't allow that.

JaneBirkin · 12/12/2011 17:39

Also I don't think many people are aware that a school has NO grounds to refuse a birth parent of a child - whether or not they have PR - access to the child when it is picked up from school.

So in theory if you have a child with an estranged father, say, who decided he wanted to take the child away from its mother, he could quite easily find out which school that child attended, turn up, and demand to take the child with him, and the school would be able to do nothing about it.

I don't know why this is the case but apparently it is. So it makes perfect sense to me that some parents don't want their children's photographs being associated with the school in the public arena.