to ask... what do SAHMs do all day?

[PoppyAmex]

I'm pregnant with my first child and was recently speaking to a friend about SAHMs and I mentioned I've been reading so many threads here about how some feel their work at home isn't valued by husbands / partners / people in general.

Following up on this conversation, my friend (a mum of 3) sent me the text below and I thought I'd share as I found it amusing. Maybe a good strategy for women complaining about the same problem?

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know how every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"

Ha in answer to the title, I do feck all if I feel like it! woo hooo

fandango - if you had read the whole thread you will see that people object to the view that you can only get 'brain food' from being in paid employment. I won't repeat myself but my life is incredibly interesting and stimulating without having to receive a paycheck at the end of the month and no, I don't spend even 30 minutes a day doing housework, I have far better things to do .

If you are bored when you are not working I think that shows a lack of ability to motivate yourself to find something interesting to do with your time.

Another genuine question which I have tried to ask before is to all those of you who are so 'stimulated' by your interesting careers - how do you think you will cope when you retire? Do you write off all retired people as being dull and boring?

I have worked and been at home, pre school kids at home is pretty tough as you are not in control of environment, when they are at school it is pretty easy. OK yuo have the post school rush for activities etc, but you hae had all day to get reay for it. Like Fandango, I too havea long career behind me whihc lets me work pt and still get good money, as does DP, so really, our at home days are pretty much like pre kids days off, form 9-3. If you want ot be a martyr, scrubbing etc, the do so, but it is not really "hard" is it?

What Ragwort said!

I am not a SAHM as my children are all at work. I am a lady of leisure. I spend my days riding my horses, seeing my friends, doing voluntary work, looking after my house and land and living the dream life I always wanted.
I couldn't give a damn if others work or don't work, there is absolutely no other life I would ever wish to lead.

If you are happy in your life, why judge others?

imo SAHMs are more likely to have partners who stray than those who go out to work / volunteer / do something. All the guys I know lose some respect if their partners become carers / cleaners / cooks slocuhing about in jeans and trainers.

Gosh, you really do know some pretty shallow and unpleasant people, don't you?

being a SAHM sucks!!, its boring, unchallenging and incredibly tedious, for me personally.

Depends. It certainly isn't for me but then I've got loadsa money, a cleaner and my kids are all in school!

SAHM = I educated my 2 children (I don't mean 'taught' them , I mean educated them). WOHM - I teach a larger number of other people's children, and there's more paperwork...

Pretty much the same amount of brain food, frankly (especially when supplemented by project managing house moves / renovations / business managing pre-school etc). In fact my DS's conversation about dinosaurs was infinitely MORE brain challenging than most Government education publications...

I do think it depends a lot on the age of the children.

Being a SAHM to a baby IS boring unless you have lots else going on in your life (2 international moves kept me busy at that point) - and after all, that's what many WOHM's experience of being at home is... the period of maternity leave is when the child is at their most boring..

Being a SAHM to a walking, talking, endlessly questioning toddler / child is anything but boring, unchallenging and incredibly tedious unless you choose not to interact much with your child or perhaps unless you are very isolated socially. But that's the stage WOHMs don't ever really see because by then maternity leave has ended.

I work part time but I can honestly say the days I'm at work are easier than the days where I stay at home.
BUT the days at home are more fun!
Here's a really novel and refreshing idea to SAHM - play with the kids, read to them and instead of tidying up after the kids, go out!
We're rarely even at home, we're always out visiting friends, going to the park, days out, swimming, walks etc etc.
Yes sometimes we'll have a lazy day and watch cartoons, do some baking and messy play and usually when we've finished the house looks like a bomb has hit. But a half hour whip round before DP gets home soon sorts that out.
Having said that I don't think I'd want to be a full time SAHM, its good to be more than just a mum but nor would I want to work full time either.

Do some of you not see how generalisaing you are. EG. Being a SAHM to a baby IS boring unless you have lots else going on in your life"

Stop talking for other people, what is boring for one person is miraculous and entertaining for another.

And there are some wohm mums who would be screwed without sahms who they dump their kids on every half day at school, strike day etc etc

Sorry, helpma. Not a baby person.... apologies for generalising.

its good to be more than just a mum

It is.

But you don't need a job to be that.

but for me that would be hell.

And going out to work every day would be hell for me.

We are all different, thankfully.

For all of you who need a paid position so you can be more than just a mum, why does bringing home a salary automatically make you more of a person. What a depressing, superioir, capitalistic piece of crap. Fine if you have a job you love and enjoy respect but many people work in jobs they hate because they have no choice and I am sure they would like to be defined by more than their work.

As HarrySanta said there are many ways to be more than just a mum.

Can someone answer my question about being retired (13.42) please ?

altinkum - are you looking forward to retiring, or dreading it? I do know people who feel totally 'worthless' once they retire, I think that is really sad. Why must so much of our self worth be reliant on how (if) we earn wages?

I'm not sure you can link infidelity to this. People cheat on their spouses for all sorts of reasons, sometimes just because they can - I don't think it's a reflection on the person being cheated upon. You could be the most interesting, intelligent, articulate, attractive person in the world and still end up married to someone who shags somebody else.

I think it's fair to say though, that some people don't respect/value the role of sahp (even though it may have enabled the working partner to have the career they enjoy), and where there is no respect in a relationship, there may be an increased tendency to cheat. But that's a wider problem than SAH or WOH.

altinkum,

My work life was not immersed by children - I used to be a middle management 'high flyer' in a large company.

However, having children and becoming a SAHM through my own principles and choices changed my value set entirely, and that is why my work life is now child-based. It's not that I enjoyed being a SAHM because I was already a teacher. I became a teacher because I found being a SAHM with children (not with babies) and becoming a 'child focused person' was something I loved and wanted to use professionally.

I read your post, and I do understand where you are coming from, but the word that jumps out at me is 'tedious'... just how are questions from two bright sparks tedious?? The questions my children have asked me have sparked fascinating wide-ranging discussions and research and outings and explorations (Still haven't found out what the black line that 'comes up' the antennae of snails as they emerge from their shells is and does - any ideas? And any ideas how it links to a snail's sensory system? Been traying to find out intermittently since DS was about 3 and we haven't resolved that question yet.) However, I do appreciate that YOU find them tedious so they are tedious TO YOU and that is a difference between us so your statemebnt is true to you just as it is not true to me.

Many of the paid jobs I had were beyond tedious.

My paid job is beyond tedious most of the time. Waaaa

sit with their feet up, watching telly, drinking gin and mn'ing...