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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to despise lying to children?

237 replies

TimeWasting · 11/12/2011 00:19

I hate that it's the main wondrous magical part of Christmas for them, about receiving stuff rather than giving and that it's a basic lie.

I think it makes Christmas shit.

OP posts:
soverylucky · 11/12/2011 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoxyRoxy · 11/12/2011 22:05

Ds (10) believes Santa exists to a point, in the way that it can't be proven he doesn't. It's all very tongue in cheek.

He loves choosing presents for me and his DSD, to him it's as much about giving as receiving.

I don't think there's anything wrong with allowing children to believe in the magic of Christmas and Santa, they will grow up soon enough and realise its about saving for months and planning dinner with military precision.

Yabu

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 11/12/2011 22:09

Yes Exoticfruits, that's what I meant Xmas Grin

Original poster
TimeWasting · 11/12/2011 22:10

exotic, what chip?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 11/12/2011 22:12

But why question it - just do it or don't! No one will force you either way. But it isn't manipulative lying - it's a nice little story that can enhance the Christmas experience 6if^ you want it too.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 11/12/2011 22:17

You know what?
Its the other bits of life that are shit, not Christmas.
Today at 7pm, me and thousands around the world lit candles for all the children taken too soon.
THAT is crap and stomach turning.

Allow my little boys, including the little one who remembers his sister fading away in front of his eyes, the joy and magic of Christmas. Even if it is a big fat fucking lie.
Because he has the rest of his life to know the truth.
Infact that little boy has seen more truth than any 8 year old should have.

He believes and he will do as long as I can keep it going. Hopefully a long time because he has LDs and ASD and is very young for his age.

If it wasnt for the big fat lie of Christmas, winter would be unbearable.

lurkinginthebackground · 11/12/2011 22:18

I think you can make sure your children see more than the receiving presents side of it.
I too hate the expectation side of things and I always pull up a child if they say I am getting x for Christmas.
as for lying I do believe that some white lies are ok most people do it, those who don't tend to have very few friends!
For example do you always answer truthfully?
Or do you occasionally lie to make a friend feel better?

exoticfruits · 11/12/2011 22:19

Oh there, you've hit it on the head, it's like a reverse of the slave mentality that lets us put up with a shit life now for the promise of paradise in the afterlife.

This chip. Why are you putting up with a 'shit' life, why are you letting someone make you put up with a 'shit life'? Why are you not making Christmas what you want? You don't have to have FC -have a fun Christmas your own way for your DCs. You can have a perfectly lovely time if you make the effort and do your own traditions.

Original poster
TimeWasting · 11/12/2011 22:20

Why question it? Question everything.

And I do feel forced into doing it, DS goes to nursery where he has learnt all about Santa and the nativity. Relatives talk about it, pensioners in the street will ask children what Santa's bringing them.
I don't have the option of not bringing the subject up with him.
The idea has already been planted, I would have to uproot it.
Which is why I'm quite so pissed off.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 11/12/2011 22:22

I agree MrsDeVere-my DS at 2yrs had to face things that other DCs don't have to face-so why couldn't he have a nice magical Christmas and sheer escapism?

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 11/12/2011 22:23

Its all the angsty hand wringing.

I cant bear it.

Really, just not tonight.

exoticfruits · 11/12/2011 22:24

If you go against the culture you will find it difficult. When I was teaching we certainly had FC featuring a lot and DCs are a lot better than adults-if they had the type of parent who doesn't believe in fantasy they kept quiet-I don't remember any spoiling it.

valiumredhead · 11/12/2011 22:28

I have always told ds that some people believe in FC and it isn't nice to spoil it for them - he knows this and would never tell anyone that what they believe in is wrong - the same as he would never tell anyone their religion is 'wrong.'

Sirzy · 11/12/2011 22:28

So You hate the idea so much but because others mention it you will go along with it unhappily? Why? Do you normally let other (especially strangers) influence decisions about something you feel so strongly about?

Mrs de vere - the rubbish Ds has had makes me want to make it even more special for him but that's nothing close to what you have all been through, I hope you all have a magical Christmas

Original poster
TimeWasting · 11/12/2011 22:28

So suggesting I just don't do the FC thing with mine obviously isn't that realistic an option is it?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 11/12/2011 22:29

It's completely reaslistic OP - just don't do it if you don't want to.

soverylucky · 11/12/2011 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WelshMoth · 11/12/2011 22:38

And I do feel forced into doing it, DS goes to nursery where he has learnt all about Santa and the nativity. Relatives talk about it, pensioners in the street will ask children what Santa's bringing them.

Possibly because these adults have experienced the magic as children and still feel the joy that it brought them years ago. They want to pass that good-feeling on - where's the wrong in that? Where's the betrayal?

There isn't any OP. If your children question it, then you have your opportune moment to be philosophical about it all and to re-do Christmas the way YOU want it. If your children still yearn for the magic, and you let them know it's a Big Fat Lie (can't quite use quote marks here, but I'm quoting your general thought IYKWIM), then that's going to be a sad, sad day in your household.

roundtable · 11/12/2011 22:40

Like Maryz we always believed the santa sack left at the foot of our beds, which in hindsight was cleverly filled with practical things apart from one year which featured a musical toothbrush holder, was from santa but tree presents were from family. We all went shopping with a few pounds and we had to buy mum, dad and siblings pressies to go under the tree.

Giving and receiving-job done.

Seems a shame to lose the magic element but as others have said, it's your choice.

WelshMoth · 11/12/2011 22:41

We've never 'met', MrsDeVere, but I've followed some of your threads. Wishing you and your family some magic this Christmas, if only for a short while. I'll light a candle for your beautiful daughter tonight.

skybluepearl · 11/12/2011 22:42

I agree with you. We don't actually buy that much stuff and spread all gifts over a week or so. Kids also help me wrap and give others thier gifts.

valiumredhead · 11/12/2011 22:43

And I do feel forced into doing it, DS goes to nursery where he has learnt all about Santa and the nativity. Relatives talk about it, pensioners in the street will ask children what Santa's bringing them

So? Why would you feel forced into doing anything? Elderly ladies used to stop me in the street and tell me to put socks on ds - I didn't run home and get some socks asap because someone told me to!

And when someone said to ds 'Well, what is Santa bringing you?' he would reply nicely and tell them.

Original poster
TimeWasting · 11/12/2011 22:44

Are there any 'magical' things left in our culture that aren't related to getting stuff? Santa, tooth fairy, Easter Bunny?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/12/2011 22:46

Well to me as a child faries where the most magical thing ever, they lived in my garden and my dad even made stories up with them in at bedtime. They never gave me anything, but have left me with lovely memories!

valiumredhead · 11/12/2011 22:47

Seems a shame to lose the magic element

So if you do tell your kids the FC is real and magic and all that, when you do tell them the truth or they find out at school - do their Christmases then become non magical? Of course they don't! Christmas is great however you choses to do it.

In fact the only place I have ever heard or used the phrase 'magic of Christmas' is on MN or Disney ads - I'm not sure I have ever heard it in real life!

Mrs D - I hope you have a lovely Xmas x