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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to despise lying to children?

237 replies

TimeWasting · 11/12/2011 00:19

I hate that it's the main wondrous magical part of Christmas for them, about receiving stuff rather than giving and that it's a basic lie.

I think it makes Christmas shit.

OP posts:
spiderslegs · 11/12/2011 01:45

Time - do you not remember being a small child & the excitement & joy of the thought of FC coming?

My sister & I only found one stocking one year & ran up and down the house with joy shouting 'Father Christmas bought us a slipper'

We were sooo fucking pleased he'd brought us a slipper each.

AgentZigzag · 11/12/2011 01:48

That's so lovely spiders Smile

Did you ever find out what happened to the other stocking? How was it explained away?

spiderslegs · 11/12/2011 01:58

It was found my my dad under one of our beds, I think it was there all along - we were just so thrilled & excited we overlooked it.

spiderslegs · 11/12/2011 01:59

& Time WE DIDN'T CARE.

demetersdaughter · 11/12/2011 03:10

As adults most of us have enjoyed the magic of xmas and stormed out of bed xmas morning to see what santa has brought us.
Again as adults we have become cynical about the myth/legend big chap in smelly beard and stale stained red suit
Commercialism has certainly destroyed the feeling for us but it's up to us to give the little one's a bit of that magic without bending to the ad mens idea of the iceland/argos/apple notion of the big day.

YouOldSlag · 11/12/2011 10:48

You can teach your children the meaning of Christmas without deleting Santa.

You can teach them it's about giving to others by getting to make or choose gifts and cards for other people to make the other people happy.

You can teach them Christmas is about love and being together.

Father Christmas can still be part of that. To think that FC is a pack of lies is so sad and serious. They've got the rest of their lives to be sad and serious.

Let them have a bit of childhood first. Imagine when they get to school and they tell everyone FC doesn't visit and that actually it's all lies. It's your DC who will be the odd one out, not the other kids.

toweraboveyou · 11/12/2011 10:53

YABU. Plus, to be honest, if you're putting your view before your DC's enjoyment of christmas and the magic of santa, you are very selfish too.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 11/12/2011 10:57

You really don't have to do the Santa thing if you don't want.

My kids recognize Santa as a 'part' of Christmas, like a christmas tree, mince pies, chocolate reindeer, advent calenders, the christmas story.........

I think they know he is not real even though they are very young, I have never really gone into him bringing presents even though we read stories about it, see stuff on the telly and gp and the like mention santa coming, they don't seem at all confused.

I think some people massively over hype it to be honest, but each to their own. Just do christmas however you like, I really don't see the issue.

mrsjay · 11/12/2011 11:01

Santa isnt a lie hes a story Grin santa still comes to our teens Xmas Wink I love the whole FC thing,
however you dont have to lie to them , but i would feel funny about saying well mum and dad have bought you X YZ , what we did when ours were younger , was have the stocking from santa and the presents in the middle were from mum and dad , so the big guy didnt get all the credit , I have a familiy member who told her children from a young age to look in the argos book to see what they wanted and she would tell them when she had bought it , doesnt seem very christmasy ,

GypsyMoth · 11/12/2011 11:02

My teens were chatting about Christmas, top 3 likes were 1 the home alone films and other christmassy ones. 2 the food .... And more food. 3 looking at people's outside lights displays

So they got through childhood and came out with no mention of presents being best bit. And that's what they are,a 'bit' of Christmas, what? Half an hour of present opening out of the whole 'christmas' season

mrsjay · 11/12/2011 11:06

littlielstlightonthetree My kids talk about their grans dinner watching films and there pops (grandad) falling asleep , after dnner Grin

we were going to go out for xmas dinner this year my teens said nooo we have to go to grans , i also have to put choccie coins in their stocking still ,

WelshMoth · 11/12/2011 11:13

To dislike the 'Santa' concept is really killing magic, OP. I agree that all the commercialism attached to it is sickening, it really is, but you're wrong to connect the two.

You can control commercialism, your kids don't have to watch tv with adverts - this is the biggest form of planting seeds in our children, yes? They don't have to be taken to Toys r Us etc.

My kids hardly watch English TV, it's all S4C's 'Cyw' with us. The beauty of this is that it has no toy adverts, only mainstream 'boring' ones. They've only ever been to Toys R Us / any toy store once in their lives (DD2 aged 6 and DD3 is 3) so they don't ask for a plethora of items. DD2 wants a wheel barrow Grin

Also, we've just spend the weekend making salt dough decorations and gifts, driving and walking around looking at christmas lights, are baking cakes as presents and generally have a festive time, free of the crap. I'm no super mum, I just get stuck in into what's important for me and mine.

You're wrong to blame the magic of Santa. You are right to hate the commercialism attached to it.... so don't buy into it. You're choice.

Backtobedlam · 11/12/2011 11:16

Is Santa not real?! I have always believed and so far have never been disappointed on Christmas morning. I think YABVU and should lighten up! Agree with youoldslag and others.

CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 11/12/2011 11:16

I think it's a fair point OP, but I was slated on an almost identical thread just the other day for asserting that I will not be lying to my daughter about an imaginary reverse burglar.
Do what you think is best, that will be the right thing for you and your family.

Backtobedlam · 11/12/2011 11:18

Is Santa not real?! I have always believed and so far have never been disappointed on Christmas morning. I think YABVU and should lighten up! Agree with youoldslag and others.

KarenMillenCoat · 11/12/2011 11:19

I love Father Christmas! My Christmas' were never the same once I found out he didn't exist. It doesn't have to be commercial and expensive, its just a magical story.

lljkk · 11/12/2011 11:21

yanbu. There's no magic to "santa" at all, imho.

apocalypsedreams · 11/12/2011 11:23

Christmas is so much more than Santa.

As posters have said before re teenagers reminising about all the food and christmas decorations. And they also seem to remember the simplest(and cheapest) of toys more.

My way of "lying" about Father Christmas bringing all the presents is that when they are old enough to realise there is none, I say that it's "us" (the parents) that's FC and the clue was in his name. :o

HereKittyKitty · 11/12/2011 11:26

I believed in Father Christmas until I was in P7 and even now 16 years later, as a family of grown married adults we still talk about "What to get from Santa..." Xmas Grin Never once, as long as I can remember, have I ever thought that Christmas was all about receiving, nor all about FC.

There are two main factors in this: 1) I am religious and it is a special time and holy time in the Christian calendar and 2) my parents guided us (at all times of year) to think about others, those less fortunate, and not be materialistic.

OP, why don't you think about ways you can reinforce the Christmas messages YOU want your children to have, rather than just those portrayed in the media/retail/by those around you?

Morloth · 11/12/2011 11:26

Where did the other thread go?

manicinsomniac · 11/12/2011 11:27

YANBU to hate the commercialism but YABU to extend that to not letting your children experience the magic and fantasy of Father Christmas. The two are in no way the same thing.

Father Christmas brings the stockings in my family. Everybody else buys the other presents for each other. My mum and my little sister are single so there is no distinction between adult and child for us at Christmas, we all get stockings from Santa and other presents too.

mrsjay · 11/12/2011 11:38

Im sad to read santa and commersialism (spelling ) , goes hand in hand , it doesnt have to , we control what our children get from SANTA yes they may say I want that that that THAAATT , but just smile and say oh wait and see what santa brings , I dont think children should be dissapointed on christmas morning , its all about the excitment of the day , not the latest gaget , Its not santas fault that the adverts are on tv .

maddening · 11/12/2011 11:42

yabu - get over yourself - st nick represents giving not receiving anyway.

KarenMillenCoat · 11/12/2011 12:00

No magic to Santa? He is magic, FYI! Grin

mamalovesmojitos · 11/12/2011 12:08

I loved santa. Not because of massive gifts (though I got some lovely things). My parents didn't have a lot to spend. But the magic, the anticipation, the excitement! Like nothing else in the world. It's a lovely tradition IMO and some of my happiest childhood memories are of Christmas. Leaving out carrot for Rudolph, sending letters, kicking my legs in bed with excitement. Feeling special and loved! Fantastic Smile

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