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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or did MIL take it a bit far?

150 replies

JaneFonda · 10/12/2011 21:06

This is not really a MIL bashing thread, we get on very well and I think she is a really lovely lady overall, so there's no bitterness in any of this! Also, she is my DP's mum so not technically MIL, but me and DP have been together since we were teenagers and have four children together, so not a new fling! :o

DP's parents are very strong Christians, which, aside from the occasional comment about our living situation, has never been any source of tension. Me and DP aren't really anything, but respect all faiths and I really do believe that everyone is entitled to believe what they wish without ridicule. I like to think that me and DP do quite a good job of encouraging our DCs to be open and accepting of everyone's beliefs.

A couple of weeks ago we bought DS1 and DS2 (4) a book which is really nice - it basically explains a lot of the world's major religions with stories and pictures and stuff and I think they enjoy learning about all of the differences.

DS1 took this book with him today with a pile of others to his granny and grandad's house to read with them. When he got back, I was putting them away and noticed that the religion book had something on it. I opened it, and some of the pages were glued together. I asked DS1 if he'd accidentally spilt some glue, and he said no, granny had glued those pages down because they were naughty for him to look at.

All of the pages except the section on Christianity were glued together...

AIBU to find this really quite strange? Should I say anything to her? I did explain to DS1 that they weren't naughty at all etc, but should I bring it up with her? I don't want this to turn into a big argument, but... well, it's not normal, is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneFonda · 10/12/2011 21:06

*DS2 is 5, not four!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 10/12/2011 21:08

That IS strange... and quite sad too that she doesnt feel tolerant of other religions.

HaveToWearHeels · 10/12/2011 21:09

definately nbu. Very strange behaviour if you ask me.

TysTheSeasonToBeJolly · 10/12/2011 21:09

Xmas Shock That is awful! Something has to be said, and she should pay to replace the book!

thenightsky · 10/12/2011 21:09

I would ask her to replace the book she vandalised.

Morloth · 10/12/2011 21:09

She glued the pages of a book which did not belong to her together?!

Most certainly not normal, sounds totally unhinged. I would be having a big argument. Nobody damages my books.

MeltedAdventCalendarChocolates · 10/12/2011 21:10

I am a Christian. This is not acceptable at all. This kind of attitude helps no one. If nothing else, she destroyed your/his property! I would say something.

SugarBabyLove · 10/12/2011 21:10

YANBU at all. She took it way, way too far! AND she's made things harder for you because now you have to explain to the children why Grandma did something so illogical/strange! YA really NBU.

simonthedog · 10/12/2011 21:11

Sorry but I think that is outrageous and would have to say something.

blackeyedsanta · 10/12/2011 21:12

I hope that she is going to pay to replace the book. it wasn't hers to deface. if she did not want it in the house she could have put it away while he was there. whatever religion you are there is no reason to not learn about the other world views.

religion is a personal choice. she is not making Christianity look very attractive is she? she is more likely to put your children off than encourage them to choose christianity for themselves! she does not seem to have much faith in her religion either if it is going to lose against the other religions in the book. perhaps you could point that out to her and watch her panic.

ItWasABoojum · 10/12/2011 21:12

Whoa. Totally not on. I'd have words - not so much about the book per se, but the general attitude. Actually, no, in your position I'd get DP to have words. [chicken emoticon]

happygilmore · 10/12/2011 21:12

Sorry but that is ridiculous. What is it with religions, if you replaced "I believe in... X" with pixies everyone would think you were bonkers, yet there is the same scientific evidence for both.

BelleEnd · 10/12/2011 21:12

That is terrible! I'd be livid!

lifechanger · 10/12/2011 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

G1nger · 10/12/2011 21:13

I'd ask her to pay, too. But she's not going to...

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer · 10/12/2011 21:14

Way way way too far.

She may be lovely but she's not tolerant!

Ask for the money to replace the book...

festivefiggy · 10/12/2011 21:14

I would be fuming!!

Not only would I speak to her about it as if she is going to send the book back to you obviously defaced to suit her beliefs what is she saying to them about religion that you don't know about??

Oh and she should pay to replace it too!!

Original poster
JaneFonda · 10/12/2011 21:14

Oh good, I'm glad you all think I'm NBU!

I did worry at first that it might have somehow offended her by DS taking a book with other religions in to her house, but I can't really go through and veto his books!

I just found it quite weird because I know that this isn't representative of 99.9% of Christians. Me and DP have always accompanied his parents to church when we've stayed with them, it's not as though we are entirely isolating them.

I suppose I'm not sure how I should bring the issue up without it seeming like I'm insulting/offending her. You may have noticed, but she can get quite sensitive sometimes. :o

OP posts:
helpmabob · 10/12/2011 21:14

Are you quite sure she is really so relaxed about you and dp's religious beliefs, that is an extreme thing to do.

Catsmamma · 10/12/2011 21:14

lay in wait for her paper boy and glue all the pages of her Daily Mail together!

...very odd behaviour!

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 10/12/2011 21:15

Xmas Shock YANBU

SantasNutellaFairy · 10/12/2011 21:16

Sod "sensitive". She vandalised your child's possessions because they clashed with her ideals.

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 10/12/2011 21:17

I would speak to her firmly about this and tell her that she is not to peddle her own brand of crap to your DC. Bollocks to her being 'sensitive' - she's hardly sensitive to other people's feelings, is she? THe woman's a bigot and you have to step on bigots pretty hard or they get worse.

helpmabob · 10/12/2011 21:17

I would now be concerned about what she tells your dc when she spends time with them.

What does your dp think?

HarrietSchulenberg · 10/12/2011 21:17

Strange behaviour indeed! I've never been able to understand why anyone with strong religious convictions would need to repress or deny another set of beliefs. Surely if you are confident in your own belief you would be tolerant of those of others.

Anyway, in this instance, I think I would have to say something and politely ask her not to destroy your son's books.