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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or did MIL take it a bit far?

150 replies

JaneFonda · 10/12/2011 21:06

This is not really a MIL bashing thread, we get on very well and I think she is a really lovely lady overall, so there's no bitterness in any of this! Also, she is my DP's mum so not technically MIL, but me and DP have been together since we were teenagers and have four children together, so not a new fling! :o

DP's parents are very strong Christians, which, aside from the occasional comment about our living situation, has never been any source of tension. Me and DP aren't really anything, but respect all faiths and I really do believe that everyone is entitled to believe what they wish without ridicule. I like to think that me and DP do quite a good job of encouraging our DCs to be open and accepting of everyone's beliefs.

A couple of weeks ago we bought DS1 and DS2 (4) a book which is really nice - it basically explains a lot of the world's major religions with stories and pictures and stuff and I think they enjoy learning about all of the differences.

DS1 took this book with him today with a pile of others to his granny and grandad's house to read with them. When he got back, I was putting them away and noticed that the religion book had something on it. I opened it, and some of the pages were glued together. I asked DS1 if he'd accidentally spilt some glue, and he said no, granny had glued those pages down because they were naughty for him to look at.

All of the pages except the section on Christianity were glued together...

AIBU to find this really quite strange? Should I say anything to her? I did explain to DS1 that they weren't naughty at all etc, but should I bring it up with her? I don't want this to turn into a big argument, but... well, it's not normal, is it?

OP posts:
gorionine · 11/12/2011 10:20

Lollopybear, Are Catholics not Christians then?Confused

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 11/12/2011 10:23

Bonkers as conkers, and rude and disrespectful as well.

And you and your DP should say something.

lollopybear · 11/12/2011 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mybrainsthinkingfuckyousanta · 11/12/2011 10:33

Your DP calls his mum and tells her she glued together a book he needs for school and would like a book token, cash or replacement asap (as part of his xmas present if money tight): No further debate or confrontation needed - that statement should speak for itself.

TeddyMcardle · 11/12/2011 10:38

That is just Shock
I wouldn't be worried about offending her over this, tolerance is so important to teach your dc and she has completely undermined you on this!

Luminescence · 11/12/2011 10:40

Oh yes, tell her its a school library book.

diddl · 11/12/2011 10:41

Well for sure if it were me, the children wouldn´t be seeing them alone or even at all any time soon!

newbiedoobiedoo · 11/12/2011 10:41

gorionin Christianity encompasses a variety of religions; Catholics, Protestants, Presbyterians etc.

Alot of people assume Christian = Catholic (it took me about 7 years to explain this is NOT the case to dh's family!) Xmas Grin

wellthatsdoneit · 11/12/2011 11:10

Yes, she took it too far, for many reasons as outlined by others here.

That aside, and as asked above, can you share with us what the book was? I have been looking for something exactly like this for my DS and the only thing I've found so far on Amazon seems to be out of print!

Please feel free to PM if there's any reason you don't want to divulge it publicly.

gorionine · 11/12/2011 11:11

I now Newbie, I was just a bit puzzled at Poster's MIL who by saying something on the lines of "I am a Christian therefore I am going to heaven, you are going to end up in hell for being a Catholic!" was effectively saying that Christians were not Catholics.

gorionine · 11/12/2011 11:13

HereSmile
"My pils are very strong Christians. MIL even thinks that I am damned for being Catholic"

lollopybear · 11/12/2011 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newbiedoobiedoo · 11/12/2011 11:18

Aha sorry missed that! Blush

NunTheWiser · 11/12/2011 11:22

lollopy, your PILs aren't Scots Wee Frees are they?

MigratingChestnutsOnAnOpenFire · 11/12/2011 11:34

Lollopy, I've known Baptists who have shared your pil's views about catholics. They wouldn't join the Christian union meetings within our local town because catholics were also members.

really quite Xmas Shock

Firawla · 11/12/2011 11:34

yanbu your mil is way out of line to do that!!! how can she not think you would notice and say something, so she must be expecting you to call her up and discuss this anyway?? there sounds nothing wrong in the book you had, those type of books are nice then if you are religious yourself you can show the child which pages is about your own and just explain look other people do things differently, so they know there are differences in the world. we are quite religious (muslim) and i wouldnt mind dc reading such books and would never glue it!!! although tbh i can picture my fil probably scribbling on or "annotating" such a book if they brought it to inlaws house so probably wouldnt bring it there but anyway your mil is out of order with this. especially saying "naughty" to look at the other pages - ffs! was your ds upset about??

featherbag · 11/12/2011 11:56

YADNBU - I can't believe a grown woman would think it's acceptable to behave this way! Definitely get your DP to explain exactly why this is unacceptable behaviour and demand a replacement. I'd also want MIL to discuss the episode with your DC with one of you present, so it's clear that MIL's actions were wrong. Can I also ask that you post an Amazon link, as I'd love a book like this for my DS!

rockinhippy · 11/12/2011 12:02

Bang out of order Angry - YADDDDDNBU!!!!

youarekidding · 11/12/2011 12:30

YANBU. I am Shocked that someone would deface a child's property.

Tanith · 11/12/2011 13:07

I agree with Aldiwhore that your MIL may have felt offended on having the book brought into her house in the first place. Given that you knew she is strongly Christian and her faith has caused you problems in the past, it does seem rather a provocative book to allow your son to take. It sounds to me like she's had to do an awful lot of compromising already. The book may have come as a shock to her and she reacted unreasonably at first, as she initially did before.

Yes, out of common politeness and respect, it looks like you will need to veto the books your son takes into her house.

But really, I think there's blame on both sides here: her for vandalising someone else's property and you for, however innocently, forcing your religious views on her in her own home.

valiumredhead · 11/12/2011 14:10

Oh my!! I ws all set to come on here and tell you that YABU but you YANBU in the slightest!

If SHE had bought the book then I think it would be up to her ( weird and intolerant, but up to her) but as YOU bought the book that is bang out of order Shock

Jolyonsmummy · 11/12/2011 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springboksaplenty · 11/12/2011 14:26

Wow. That is completely and utterly out of order. I too wouldn't care if I offended her. I would expect a grown woman to be strong enough in her faith to tolerate a book about other faiths in her house. I'm catholic but that is my choice. My ds will need to choose his own faith as he gets older and it is no business of mine whether it be Catholicism, Hinduism, Buddhism or atheism.

OP, please what is the book as it sounds really good?

WidowWadman · 11/12/2011 14:32

I'd go absolutely apeshit at her if it was my MIL - and I don't think it's neccessary to let your husband have words with his mother - you're an adult, she's an adult, she defaced your child's property inexcusably, so you really don't need to go tell someone else to have words.

If husband is not on your side, I'd go apeshit at him too

WidowWadman · 11/12/2011 14:33

Oh, and what's the book? I'd like one for my own children.