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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or did MIL take it a bit far?

150 replies

JaneFonda · 10/12/2011 21:06

This is not really a MIL bashing thread, we get on very well and I think she is a really lovely lady overall, so there's no bitterness in any of this! Also, she is my DP's mum so not technically MIL, but me and DP have been together since we were teenagers and have four children together, so not a new fling! :o

DP's parents are very strong Christians, which, aside from the occasional comment about our living situation, has never been any source of tension. Me and DP aren't really anything, but respect all faiths and I really do believe that everyone is entitled to believe what they wish without ridicule. I like to think that me and DP do quite a good job of encouraging our DCs to be open and accepting of everyone's beliefs.

A couple of weeks ago we bought DS1 and DS2 (4) a book which is really nice - it basically explains a lot of the world's major religions with stories and pictures and stuff and I think they enjoy learning about all of the differences.

DS1 took this book with him today with a pile of others to his granny and grandad's house to read with them. When he got back, I was putting them away and noticed that the religion book had something on it. I opened it, and some of the pages were glued together. I asked DS1 if he'd accidentally spilt some glue, and he said no, granny had glued those pages down because they were naughty for him to look at.

All of the pages except the section on Christianity were glued together...

AIBU to find this really quite strange? Should I say anything to her? I did explain to DS1 that they weren't naughty at all etc, but should I bring it up with her? I don't want this to turn into a big argument, but... well, it's not normal, is it?

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 11/12/2011 14:33

Irrelevant what the book was about. She vandalised it. She must replace it. You can ask her to replace the book she ruined without mentioning the nature of its contents. If she brings up religion, your answer is 'The content of the book is not relevant. It is DS1's book and you vandalised it. You must replace it.'

squeakytoy · 11/12/2011 14:37

The book wasn't anti-Christian though. Even at church (c of e) we learnt about different religions. Religion itself isn't the major problem in the world, it is people's intolerance of others that causes so much grief.

WidowWadman · 11/12/2011 14:38

Tannith "But really, I think there's blame on both sides here: her for vandalising someone else's property and you for, however innocently, forcing your religious views on her in her own home."

Is acknowledging that there's more than one religion in the world now forcing your religious views on someone? The mind boggles.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 11/12/2011 15:31

so OP what are you going to do?

kelly2000 · 11/12/2011 15:55

She crossed a line. You do not vandalize other people's property, nor do you tell someone else's child that reading about any other belief system than Christianity is naughty. If she asks you not to bring the book into her home than that is her choice, but she cannot damage it.
I would just ask he routright about it, and then ask her to replace it.

TeddyBare · 11/12/2011 16:10

I think you need to get your dp to ask his mum to replace the book and apologise to your dc for ruining their book and saying that reading it was naughty. If I was you I would also be trying to see what else she is saying to them when they are with her.

Also, what was the book called? I've been looking for a book about different religions with nice pictures.

SimoneD · 11/12/2011 16:34

Im sorry but she sounds seriously unhinged. If she was upset about the book why couldnt she have spoken to you. The gluing of the pages seems like madness. I would be furious about this and you or your dp really need to tell her this is out of order and ask her to replace the book. Id also be very worried about what sort of things she was telling my children when I wasnt around!

ohgodwhatnow · 11/12/2011 16:50

SOunds like a lovely book, I would lover one for my DD

can you post the title and author

Or the ISBN.

Oh and she is loco! Lovely maybe but serious don´t do that to books, hitler burnt books and I think we can all agree he was a bit naught! Xmas Wink

YNK · 11/12/2011 16:59

Maybe she is starting with dementia? Has she done anything else strange of late? Maybe your DH should ask his dad about that?
If it's the case that she is otherwise of sound mind then a replacement AND an appology to your DS is in order. After all you would insist on this if he vandalised her property and made such a nasty comment!

SausageWrappedInBaconSmuggler · 11/12/2011 17:01

Completely out of order and very un-Christian IMO. I'd say get DH to have a word with her and get her to replace the book. Doesn't send a very good message to your DC's.

FellatioNelson · 11/12/2011 17:18

This reminds me of when my children were at a village C of E primary school and one of the parent governors who was responsible for overseeing religious education at the school was a born again nutter very committed Christian. He stopped his own daughter going on a school trip to the big Sikh temple in Neasden as he didn't think it was appropriate for her to go inside a place of worship that wasn't Christian.

And that narrow-minded fuckwit had a hand in saying how my child was taught about faith and tolerance and morality and understanding. Hmm

nightowlmostly · 11/12/2011 20:12

I would have real reservations about allowing your MIL unsupervised access to your children tbh. What kind of nonsense will she be telling them, that you and your dp will go to hell because you 'live in sin'? The point is that you don't know, and this incident proves that she isn't as tolerant as you have believed up to now.

Treat this as a wake up call and take care she doesn't fill you dcs heads with all kinds of poisionous ideas.

As far as the book goes, I wouldn't be worried about hurting her feelings, I would call her, or maybe get her son to, and tell her in no uncertain terms that she has been well out of order and has to pay for the book. What she did was completely wrong and she (and your ds) need to know that!

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 11/12/2011 21:51

Any update OP, have you spoken to her?

helpmabob · 11/12/2011 21:57

Is it this book? I have this at home, it is really lovely. Think amazon must have the price wrong though, I paid about £8.

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 11/12/2011 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheekyseamonkey · 11/12/2011 22:02

Woah! Yanbu!

EverybodysScaryEyed · 11/12/2011 22:09

Agree with everyone

BUT

what is the name of the book? this would be perfect for my DS!!!

exexpat · 11/12/2011 22:17

Is the book this one: What I Believe? We have it, and it's a good introduction for primary aged children to the major world religions.

I am an atheist with very religious in-laws (PiLs, both SiLs & their husbands) and I don't think any of them would ever do anything as crazy as glue the pages of a book together.

chocablock · 11/12/2011 22:30

I am Christian but I do think what your MIL did was wrong. Your DC will find out about other religions anyway she can't hide him away from the world. Also she shouldn't damage your property.

runningwilde · 11/12/2011 22:38

She totally overstepped the Mark and you should tell her so

skybluepearl · 11/12/2011 22:39

I think you need to ask your MIL to replace the book frankly. Also ask her not to force her opinions on your son. I was bought up in an ultra christian family (think talking in tongues, casting out of spirits etc ..) and found that they were quite disrespectful towards other religions. Her behaviour is not acceptable

cory · 11/12/2011 22:50

"But really, I think there's blame on both sides here: her for vandalising someone else's property and you for, however innocently, forcing your religious views on her in her own home."

How is a child bringing his own book in forcing the OPs views on the MIL? Does this mean that the MIL must never bring her Bible to read in the OPs home for fear of forcing her religious views on the OP? And if she did, would the OP have the right to glue it together?

I think the MIL sounds unhinged. If she didn't want to read the book with him, why didn't she just read one of the other books instead?

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 11/12/2011 23:00

That's bad. I'm surprised she'd do something so obviously confrontational. Sure the book could have 'got lost' at her house and not returned if she didn't like it...

IneedAChristmasNickname · 11/12/2011 23:08

She sounds mad! I am a Christian, and wouldn't dream of doing that! Also my DC go to a CofE school, where they learn about other religions! I hope she replaces it!

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 11/12/2011 23:28

Thing is, OP, get over worrying about offending this silly twat. She has forfeited the right to consideration of her fuckwit superstitions by vandalising other people's property in the name of her imaginary friend. Tell her that you want the book replaced and in future to keep her mythological bullshit to herself. It's fine to treat people's belief in the major myth brands the same way as you treat belief in pixies, ghosts and astrology (there is exactly the same amount of both evidence and cultural support for these things as there is for the more politically powerful superstitions).