Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Am I wrong to think I'm living a Family Nirvana...

157 replies

smiledotcom · 10/12/2011 00:24

I've just got one kid. People often say to me "couldnt you have any more?" or "are you planning for another?" or "don't you want a brother or sister for..."

NO!

I have one kid. I absolutely love the fact that I don't have to dilute my attention between more than one kid; I love that I don't have to resolve repetitive minor sibling disputes, that I don't have siblings competition for my attention/affection; that I'm not doing a multitude of "taxi jobs" between xtra curricular activites; that my disposable income stretches further with just one kid;

that actually, parenting of just one kid can be really difficult and parenting of more than one must be (...

I LOVE the fact that I have (kinda) bucked the trend.

I look at people with more than one kid and I think WTF are you doing! Why on earth would you do that!

I've created a family Nirvana!

OP posts:

libelulle · 11/12/2011 23:18

Well all I can say is that having siblings clearly didn't teach you any empathy or manners, Xmascakes. I may be an only child, but I'd never dream of saying anything so crass and hurtful. And don't give me the 'oh just the ones I know' crap. You were clearly implying that you think growing up as an only child makes you essentially a damaged person, or else why say it? It's like saying 'all the chinese people I know are complete nutjobs', but then claiming that obviously you arent being derogatory about Chinese people. Clearly bollocks.

Joyn · 11/12/2011 23:21

I was very happy for you op, until the part where you said;

I look at people with more than one kid and I think WTF are you doing! Why on earth would you do that!

You're happy with 1, good for you. I love having 3 & think I have the perfect family. I'm a sahm & have lots of time for all 3 of them & although like all kids they bicker occasionally, they are all great friends with each other. The older 2 share a bedroom by choice & you can hear them having little chats after we've put them to bed. The girls are practically best friends & the oldest looks out for the youngest in such a loving way & she looks up to him too! Wouldn't change any of it. The bond you share with a sibling is like no other & I think the benefit of that far outweighs the fact they may occasionally have to wait for my attention if I'm busy with 1 of the others!

MakesXmasCakesWhenStressed · 11/12/2011 23:25

How do you know I have siblings?

Joyn · 11/12/2011 23:28

Never said anyone had siblings it was a general 'you' as in, when one has siblings, it is a relationship like no other!

libelulle · 12/12/2011 05:27

Unless you were calling yourself a nutjob? Given how offensive your descriptions of only children were, it seemed highly unlikely you were including yourself in their number. Besides, that kind of crass generalisation about the personality type of an only child is pretty much the exclusive province of those who have no idea what growing up as one actually involves. Do you not get that unlike the op, many families have NO CHOICE about having only one child. You read about some of them on this thread, yet you still chose to imply their child was likely to have a serious personality disorder as a result of their inability to have more children. That shows a pretty impressive disregard for the feelings of others imo.

Bubbaluv · 12/12/2011 06:27

I have to kids and YANBU. If you saw me today you would have exploded with happy smugness.

Bubbaluv · 12/12/2011 06:28

two kids I mean!

SilentNotViolentNight · 12/12/2011 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joyn · 12/12/2011 08:31

Libillile (sorry if that's wrong my spell checks messing with me & I can't hold your name on the screen to copy) was your comment directed at me or Xmas cakes? If you meant me I didn't want to come across as someone against 1child families I said I was happy for the op that she perceived she had the perfect family. Tbf she has the perfect family for her & I have the perfect family for me. Each families idea of perfection is different I just thought it was unfair of the op to say other people were mad to have more than 1 child!

libelulle · 12/12/2011 09:12

sorry joyn, no it was addressed at Xmascakes for her incredibly rude little vignettes of only children!

GreenPetal94 · 12/12/2011 09:29

My kids play together for hours on end and I think its genuinely easier than one. For example we go on holiday now and they play on the beach together and we lie back and read a book, how would that work with one kid?

jasminerice · 12/12/2011 09:37

I agree with Rosemary andThyme, some only children grow up to be very odd. All the only children I know as adults have problems with relationships and are all still unhappily single in their 40's.

LaFilleSurLePont · 12/12/2011 11:53

And some children who have siblings grow to be 'odd.' Some children who have siblings become self centred assholes. Some only children grow to become self centred assholes. So what is the point of stating that some only children grow to be odd? It's meaningless.

LaFilleSurLePont · 12/12/2011 11:59

Actually I am 'odd',or might be perceived as such,but that's more to do with my dyspraxia than my status as an only child imho. And which definition of odd are we using?

LePruneDeMaTante · 12/12/2011 12:00

All the only children I know are just fine as adults which made our situation a bit easier.

I am not daft enough to say it's better with just one, but it is (at the moment) easy. It hasn't always been and I'm sure it will be hard again. At the moment I like a lot of things about it: easier to get around, financially easier to do stuff like travel, I'm always when I see siblings kicking ten bales of shit out of each other (but conversely touched when I see them being loving towards each other).

libelulle · 12/12/2011 12:38

well that's weird jasminerice, as most of the only children I know, including me, are happily married with children. The unhappily single, as you put it, have siblings. But clearly that has bugger all to do with their sibling status or otherwise.

I give up, it's clearly just not worth arguing with that kind of idiocy.

jasminerice · 12/12/2011 12:47

I can only go by the people I know personally. Between us, DH and I have about 5 friends who were only children. They are all still single but unhappy about it, and quite selfish and stingy. The stingyness and lack of generosity we feel is definately due to having no siblings when growing up.

I would have been happy with only one child, life would definately have been easier for me, but DD is far the richer for having a sibling and I don't mind the occasional squabbles, because it is clear that despite these, my DC's love each other dearly and are never lonely because they always have someone to play with.

mummytime · 12/12/2011 13:02

I am an only child, and was determined to have more than one. I have 3 kids. Sometimes its easier than having just one, sometimes its harder. The only criticism I ever have of parents one onlys is that sometimes they think they know the answers to parenting, if you have more than one especially of different sexes, you know there are no answers.
I did feel lonely at times as a kid, and sometimes felt the guilt of being the only one around so had to be the "child", and worried about having the burden of care when older. My kids all have times of feeling "neglected", times when they are desperate to get away from the others; but also times when they care for each other, and do a better job than I could eg. explaining how to do Maths.

So OP you come across as smug, and it might not always be that way. But I would never tell someone else they "had" to have another (in fact I've told friends if they are happy with one, then to stick if they want.). Just as I'd never tell anyone they "had" to have kids, its one path for life, but not the only one.

Deberny · 12/12/2011 13:08

But every parent thinks they have the answer to parenting

libelulle · 12/12/2011 13:33

blimey, you have five friends who are selfish and stingy? why are they your friends then? I certainly can't imagine describing any of my friends in such a nasty way, and neither would I attempt to cod psychologise about the random distant origins of their particular personality traits.

It makes me really quite depressed that only children have to put up with such horrible negative press. One of the reasons I'm glad I have two, that they won't have, as I did, random adults being gratuitously rude to their face about their personality just because their mother had the misfortune of suffering secondary infertility. But there we go. I'm definitely off now!

MissMollyCoddle · 12/12/2011 13:36

I hardly think you are bucking a trend, I know loads of families with just one child, though mostly because of redundancies and things in recent years meaning people don't feel its a great time to add to the family.

How high is that horse you are sat on? Must be dizzying up there.

jasminerice · 12/12/2011 13:40

libel, gosh this really is a big issue for you isn't it? Maybe you're so angry and aggressive because you were an only child?

libelulle · 12/12/2011 14:02

Yes, it is a big issue, because I've had a lifetime of hearing that kind of comment, mostly made to my and my mother's face when I was a child. Why do people think they have the right to make judgements like that about a child they don't even know?

So yes, I'm angry. I'm particularly angry on my mother's behalf, because I know that the pain of secondary infertility is one which never goes away. She put her heart and soul into raising me properly, so for people to effectively accuse her of bringing up a damaged and selfish child just because she was unable to have more children is quite frankly cruel.

As for aggressive - it isn't me who has described only children in such unpleasant ways, so I'll leave people to draw their own conclusions.

bubby64 · 12/12/2011 14:24

Doe's it really matter, what makes you happy is the best for you, and its a personal choice. I have twins, wanted one, got two, they have a love/hate relationship, I have a love/love relationship (well...most of the time... they are pre-pubesent at the moment, so it sometimes gets a bit rocky....)
But, at the end of the day, if you have the family you wish for, enjoy it!

TeamDamon · 12/12/2011 16:41

jasminerice - would it be OK to say that you are so blinkered and insensitive as a result of having siblings? No - I would never make a judgement as crass and obviously ignorant as that.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread