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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re my cat and pregnancy

146 replies

Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 14:51

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I know there are a lot of cat-lovers on AIBU and am really interested in views.

We have a cat, 2yo, male, neutered. Very small, super-pretty however I suspect very inbred due to uniformity of markings. Not pedigree, just a mog.

I love animals but believe in treating them like animals and am not a fan of treating them like people/children. We have had the cat since he was 10wks old. He usually goes out most mornings, plays out all day, comes in in the evening and sleeps in his own basket. He's always been a happy, affectionate chap.

Since I got pregnant he has dramatically changed his behaviour and personality. He is now clingy, needy, whiny and demanding. He clamours to clamber all over me at all times even though I have never allowed him to, begs every time I go into the kitchen even though he has dry food available at all times and is never fed 'human' food, begs to eat from my plate even though he has never been allowed to, and cries inconsolably if put outside even though he has always spent all day - and sometimes all night - out playing happily.

This morning DH put him out at 7am, as he does every day, and by 8am the cat was on the windowsill screaming so loudly to come in I actually thought a child was being tortured. He has totally lost interest in his basket and constantly wants to be on me or on the sofa, and has started demanding to go out/come back in every 10 minutes, to the point where he throws himself at the door yowling.

We can't have a cat flap (rental property) or leave a window open for him but we never have done and he has never had these issues - not even last winter when it was bloody cold!

Any bright ideas where this behaviour has come from? I'd understand it if he'd been allowed to do all these things then suddenly no longer allowed but we've never let him have the run of the place or made any dramatic changes to his lifestyle. Having said I don't like to treat animals like children, he is behaving very much like a naughty toddler! I try to ignore his constant wailing but I worry the neighbours will report us to the RSPCA, the din he makes!

Any thoughts? Sadly I think I will have to rehome him, but I am truly baffled by his behaviour.

OP posts:

pinkhebe · 08/12/2011 14:54

Ah ha - you're pregnant, sends some cats dotty.

Not overly impressed you're thinking of rehoming him due to it though a cat is for life etc

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 14:55

Re-home him WTF??

The extra hunger sounds like he could have worms. Even if you've wormed him it might not have worked.

As for his clingy behaviour, well cats tend to be more affectionate to those who pay them the least attention.

GlitterySkulls · 08/12/2011 14:57

right, so now you're pregnant you think you'll have to rehome him? really?

some animals go a bit flaky when they're around pregnant women. don't go jumping the gun, ffs.

happywheezer · 08/12/2011 14:58

Perhaps it's you that changing not the cat!

ViviPrudolf · 08/12/2011 14:59

As much as his change in behaviour sounds tiresome, nothing you've said sounds like it so negatively impacts on your life as to consider rehoming him, surely? Poor little sod.

While you've not change his lifestyle tangibly, he is reacting to changes in you, even if you don't think you're behaving any differently.

Talk it over with your vet.

MotherPanda · 08/12/2011 15:00

If you are pregnant - he will be more clingy. cats can smell your pregnancy, and I think like to look after their owners - there's another MNetter on here who has a permanent lap cat now. Why won't you let your cat love you? It's very animal to want to defend and care for pregnant 'family'.

YAB very U to consider rehoming because of your pregnancy. Cats really aren't a problem with babies/pregnancy unless you are stupid and plunge your hands into a nice big cat poo, or leave a newborn on the floor with a jumpy cat.

tigermoll · 08/12/2011 15:00

Maybe your first port of call should be the vet, - there may be something else (apart from your pregnancy) which is causing this behaviour change. Its always best to rule out physical causes before assuming a psychological one.

If there isn't althing physically wrong, maybe your vet could advise treatment? (he or she will probably advise you to buy one of those plug-in cat pheremone diffusers, - they are weird)

FunnysInTheGarden · 08/12/2011 15:00

I think all you need is a catflap TBH, even in a rented property that should be OK. My cat is always like this, it's part of her character to be a general PITA, but I would never re home her because of it.

OrmIrian · 08/12/2011 15:00

Rehoming him! Why? For being annoying?

Unbeleivable!

SootySweepandSue · 08/12/2011 15:03

I think you need to find a way to get a cat flap. I would beg my landlord or replace a door ?

Original poster

Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 15:03

Yes unfortunately I do think it is kinder to rehome him, than to have him constantly begging me for attention he simply cannot get from me. As I said, I do not believe in treating animals like people. I think he would be happier with an owner who did believe in this, truth be told.

He is not hungry, as he always has dry food and fresh water available but continues to beg for our food, which he has never done before or been allowed to eat.

OP posts:

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 08/12/2011 15:06

I think you could try some Feliway spray around the house, and maybe add a plug-in. It might 'recalibrate' the scenting part of his brain so he's more chilled out.

You also need to get him checked out. He could be poorly and you don't know it.

Lots of things can affect domestic cats, such as a new cat in the neighbourhood or new smells.

One of my cats has decided recently that she lives in the crook of my neck but I have just made some 'nests' for her around the kitchen, and sprayed Feliway, and she's much improved.

AuntieDoris · 08/12/2011 15:06

I think he should be rehomed to someone who gives a shit. Showing affection to your cat is not treating them like a human. It's being nice.

GlitterySkulls · 08/12/2011 15:07

how is giving him some affection/attention treating him like a person?

Feminine · 08/12/2011 15:07

op you are being totally balmy.

Look at your answers...there is help there.

frumpet · 08/12/2011 15:07

Just out of curiosity why did you get a cat?

naturalbaby · 08/12/2011 15:08

my 1st thought before i read the op "i bet she wants to rehome the cat because she's pregnant."

i've got 2 cats and we've all survived 3 pregnancies, including one of them being diagnosed with toxoplasmosis. pregnancy does strange things to people and animals.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 08/12/2011 15:09

If you have the ability to, it is possible to remove a housebrick and have the flap attached onto the hole left. When you then leave the property, the brick can be replaced, and the hole inside boarded over and repainted. Much easier than replacing a whole door. As much as you say you like to treat animals as animals, I do think it is mean to force your cat to remain outside all day. Especially at the moment, when it is quite clearly causing him distress.

It is bitterly cold at the moment and my normally not lap-cats (through their own choice) are wanting to snuggle up a lot to keep a bit warmer.

Definetly try the de-worming (again if you allready have), and possibly look at whether this extra hunger could have started as you bought a new batch of food (possibly its a different flavour which the cat is not keen on?)

FWIW not all cats are responsive to pregnancy, mine have shown no additional interest or curiosity in me over the last 39 weeks.

I do think re-homing should be an absolute final step, though I do actually feel a little sorry for your cat, as he seems to have no interaction with you, and is quite probably rather lonely.

OneHandFlapping · 08/12/2011 15:09

Why would you rehome a member of your family? The poor cat is totally dependent on you, and you are about to let him down hugely. Just because he is an animal doesn't mean he can't be bewildered and upset.

OrmIrian · 08/12/2011 15:10

I also love the use of 'rehome' in threads like this. It sounds so lovely and cosy doesn't it? Like home but more so Until you see how many lovely animals just sit in shelters for months on end because no-one wants them. Assuming any good shelters have space for them at the time.

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 08/12/2011 15:11

Cats can be annoying sometimes, I'm surprised you don't want to give him attention though, why have a cat else? My cat won't leave me alone some days, its fine because I love her.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 08/12/2011 15:12

Oh, and I wouldn't sit and scratch behind the ears of children or drag string along the floor for them to chase, nor would I allow them to have tit-bits from my plate. These are things that people do with cats - it is not treating them as humans - it is treating them as family pets.

I'm inclined to suggest that you are not a natural cat-lover?

Kladdkaka · 08/12/2011 15:13

I think he should be rehomed to someone who gives a shit.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 08/12/2011 15:14

I was hoping when I opened this thread that it would be a defensive 'people keep saying I should get rid of my cat now im pregnant' thread, in which case, I would say a definite YANBU to NOT rehome. When people say it to me, it bugs the life out of me.

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 15:15

If you don't want to be affectionate to your cat, why do you actually have one?

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