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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re my cat and pregnancy

146 replies

Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 14:51

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I know there are a lot of cat-lovers on AIBU and am really interested in views.

We have a cat, 2yo, male, neutered. Very small, super-pretty however I suspect very inbred due to uniformity of markings. Not pedigree, just a mog.

I love animals but believe in treating them like animals and am not a fan of treating them like people/children. We have had the cat since he was 10wks old. He usually goes out most mornings, plays out all day, comes in in the evening and sleeps in his own basket. He's always been a happy, affectionate chap.

Since I got pregnant he has dramatically changed his behaviour and personality. He is now clingy, needy, whiny and demanding. He clamours to clamber all over me at all times even though I have never allowed him to, begs every time I go into the kitchen even though he has dry food available at all times and is never fed 'human' food, begs to eat from my plate even though he has never been allowed to, and cries inconsolably if put outside even though he has always spent all day - and sometimes all night - out playing happily.

This morning DH put him out at 7am, as he does every day, and by 8am the cat was on the windowsill screaming so loudly to come in I actually thought a child was being tortured. He has totally lost interest in his basket and constantly wants to be on me or on the sofa, and has started demanding to go out/come back in every 10 minutes, to the point where he throws himself at the door yowling.

We can't have a cat flap (rental property) or leave a window open for him but we never have done and he has never had these issues - not even last winter when it was bloody cold!

Any bright ideas where this behaviour has come from? I'd understand it if he'd been allowed to do all these things then suddenly no longer allowed but we've never let him have the run of the place or made any dramatic changes to his lifestyle. Having said I don't like to treat animals like children, he is behaving very much like a naughty toddler! I try to ignore his constant wailing but I worry the neighbours will report us to the RSPCA, the din he makes!

Any thoughts? Sadly I think I will have to rehome him, but I am truly baffled by his behaviour.

OP posts:
ditavonteesed · 08/12/2011 15:55

Why is the first answer to any animal problems to rehome it? there are of course millions of fantastic homes just waiting for all the unwanted animals, they wont rot in a shelter for months and then be put to sleep.

Listzilla · 08/12/2011 15:56

It could well be because you're there more than you used to be. Our cats are generally distant-ish during the day at weekend because they're used to us being around then, but if I'm off during the week and sit down for a minute I'll instantly have at least one draped around my shoulders or curled up on my lap.

Could you by any chance wait till the baby's born and see how he handles that? The pregnancy is non-negotiable but it's also temporary.

OldGreyWassailTest · 08/12/2011 15:57

Perhaps you should try him on some 'wet' food - a diet of all dried is horrible.

SootySweepandSue · 08/12/2011 16:01

I also think the cat is reacting to changes in you rather than the pregnancy. I think you are probably scaling down your interest in him subconsciously as your body prepares for the 24/7 demands of a baby. Could your DH do more with the cat when he is around - all the feeding etc? A 2 yr old cat still needs to be played with too.

I have recently been looking at rehoming places as my 2 yr old cat died recently and I was so shocked to see the stories of the cats that were now unwanted due to children Sad.

Please see a vet or animal behaviourist to get the best possible advice for your family.

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 16:02

I actually think wet food is worse - full of salt, which is why eight out of ten cats prefer Whiskas! They get 'addicted' to the salt. If you feed wet food, in my experience, they then refuse dry, which is better for them.

OP posts:
SootySweepandSue · 08/12/2011 16:03

Oh and I second the wet food - good suggestion! Dry stuff is nutritionally better but cats much prefer wet - even 2/3 times a week will make a cat very happy.

ditavonteesed · 08/12/2011 16:04

totally depends which wet food and which dry food. I feed my cats a range called purely which is 80% fish. whicskars and felix are shit.

worldgonecrazy · 08/12/2011 16:05

I think you should definitely rehome him . . . . to a family that actually understand that taking on a pet is a lifelong commitment and doesn't think to pack his bags at the first sign of minor inconvenience.

I'm sure there is a family out there that can give him the home, attention and looking after that he requires.

SootySweepandSue · 08/12/2011 16:06

About 3% of cat owners never feed wet food. You can get nutritional varieties of wet food (not whiskas or felix), just ask a vet.

coccyx · 08/12/2011 16:06

Hope you can cope with a 'demanding' baby, not as easy to get rid of as a perfectly normal cat!

HazleNutt · 08/12/2011 16:06

dry food is not better for cats. Cats don't drink enough and dry food will give them kidney problems. Which might be why your cat demands to be let out every 10 mins.

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 16:07

A while ago I got him some stuff that was supposed to be cuts of fresh meat blah blah - cost a fortune - he threw it straight back up!

He does love roast chicken though (in his own bowl, NOT from my plate before you all leap on me for 'I thought you didn't let him eat your food'!) If I'm roasting a chicken I'll always put some aside for him to have for dinner. But not often enough to explain the sudden begging - I'll do a chicken maybe once a month or so.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 16:09

HazleNut - he's been on dry food for 2yrs and always has fresh water available. Yes, I know cats only like fresh water, no I don't leave it to get stagnant.

OP posts:
flippinada · 08/12/2011 16:10

Poor cat. Pet animals are not just an inconvenience to be 'rehomed' when you get bored of/fed up with them.

Also it's not normal for a cat to be out all day. In fact, shutting a cat out all day without access to the somewhere warm/dry/clean for shelter is pretty cruel.

If you don't want the poor creature, make an effort to find him a decent home.

Crosshair · 08/12/2011 16:10

(in his own bowl, NOT from my plate before you all leap on me for 'I thought you didn't let him eat your food'!)

You seem fixed on the idea that people think he should be eating off your plate?

HecklerNotKoch · 08/12/2011 16:10

I feel mean keeping him for MY benefit when HE is obviously not happy.

lol, that old chestnut

HecklerNotKoch · 08/12/2011 16:11

ive read that dry food is particularly bad for some male cats for some reason

flippinada · 08/12/2011 16:12

As an aside, dry food isn't always best.

My cat (who can be a colossal PITA) has suffered from cystitis and the vet advised not to give him dry food while he was ill as that aggravates it.

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 08/12/2011 16:13

My vet says that dry food needs to be 'renal health' approved, and that whilst it's great for their teeth, they do need so much water that it's healthy to give them some wet foord too - again, renal health checked. Cats very easily get kidney problems, UTIs etc, and this really does change their behaviour to in-out-in-out of the house all the time, 'clinginess' and not settling.

It costs a bit more but you save much more in vert bills.

And the cat's much more chilled out.

Witchofthenorth · 08/12/2011 16:13

My cat also changed her behaviour whilst I was pregnant. Normally she will not go near anyone, uses us for food and water, goes out and about when she pleases and generally doesn't give a flying fuck about any of us. However, throw in some pregnancy hormones and she is sleeping on my head, draped over my legs, winds round my feet constantly (not good at three am whilst going downstairs!), looks at my food longingly and generally becomes my new BFF. The minute the baby is out? Couldn't give a shite. On number 4 now and the pattern is repeating itself.

I suspect OP that she may be reacting to the change in you coupled with the fact that you are now in all day. I suggest you hold off on the rehousing until your LO is here and see how we reacts. For as much as some people treat their pets as animals and not people, at times of change they definitely show traits of human behaviour :)

flippinada · 08/12/2011 16:13

Heckler, X post - that's why!

SarahBumBarer · 08/12/2011 16:13

Why is it necessarily a chestnut Hester? I'm not being argumentative but I did keep girlcat for my benefit essentially and I have always questioned whether I have allowed her to have a less contented life than she may have done had I given her to my dad all those years ago?

Witchofthenorth · 08/12/2011 16:16

And she refuses to eat ANY kind of wet food :(

tabulahrasa · 08/12/2011 16:16

'A while ago I got him some stuff that was supposed to be cuts of fresh meat blah blah - cost a fortune - he threw it straight back up!'

If they do that it's not to do with the food at all, it's because you've given him too much at once - and because it's meat he's eaten it all out of greed, lol.

Not that I think it matters overmuchly whether you feed meat or dry food - cats that always have dry food seem to be fine on it, it's ones who used to have meat that don't seem to drink as much - and introducing meat makes them hassle you more, not less.

If you're on maternity leave, presumably you were working? So now you're in more, eating more often, sitting about to be sat next to more????

He'll also know you're pregnant anyway, not in a pets are psychic way, lol, but they work on hormones - yours will be affecting him.

DooinMeCleanin · 08/12/2011 16:16

Hmm and Sad

Yes, I think your cat needs rehoming. Not for the same reasons as you think he should be, though. Phone a rescue center up and tell them exactly what you have posted on here, especially the bits about being made to go out (in case you hadn't noticed it's getting a wee bit nippy and tad gale force windy lately) when he doesn't want to and not being allowed to cuddle. They'll probably be round to pick him up before you put the phone down, regardless of whether they have space. I know I would be.

Poor cat.

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