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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re my cat and pregnancy

146 replies

Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 14:51

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I know there are a lot of cat-lovers on AIBU and am really interested in views.

We have a cat, 2yo, male, neutered. Very small, super-pretty however I suspect very inbred due to uniformity of markings. Not pedigree, just a mog.

I love animals but believe in treating them like animals and am not a fan of treating them like people/children. We have had the cat since he was 10wks old. He usually goes out most mornings, plays out all day, comes in in the evening and sleeps in his own basket. He's always been a happy, affectionate chap.

Since I got pregnant he has dramatically changed his behaviour and personality. He is now clingy, needy, whiny and demanding. He clamours to clamber all over me at all times even though I have never allowed him to, begs every time I go into the kitchen even though he has dry food available at all times and is never fed 'human' food, begs to eat from my plate even though he has never been allowed to, and cries inconsolably if put outside even though he has always spent all day - and sometimes all night - out playing happily.

This morning DH put him out at 7am, as he does every day, and by 8am the cat was on the windowsill screaming so loudly to come in I actually thought a child was being tortured. He has totally lost interest in his basket and constantly wants to be on me or on the sofa, and has started demanding to go out/come back in every 10 minutes, to the point where he throws himself at the door yowling.

We can't have a cat flap (rental property) or leave a window open for him but we never have done and he has never had these issues - not even last winter when it was bloody cold!

Any bright ideas where this behaviour has come from? I'd understand it if he'd been allowed to do all these things then suddenly no longer allowed but we've never let him have the run of the place or made any dramatic changes to his lifestyle. Having said I don't like to treat animals like children, he is behaving very much like a naughty toddler! I try to ignore his constant wailing but I worry the neighbours will report us to the RSPCA, the din he makes!

Any thoughts? Sadly I think I will have to rehome him, but I am truly baffled by his behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 16:19

Crosshair - no I'm not fixated with the idea of letting my cat eat off my plate. I'm curious as to why he has suddenly started asking to do so.

I felt the need to explain about the chicken because if I did not, and just put 'he likes to eat roast chicken', that the kind folk of MN would then assume I might have fed the cat off my plate in the past and then suddenly stopped because I am pregnant. Which would be an explanation for his sudden begging!

OP posts:
olgaga · 08/12/2011 16:20

Take it to the vet and talk to them about the problems - sounds like there is either something wrong with it, or it's feral. I had a similar situation with a cat years ago - the vet told me there was not much you could do about it, it often doesn't become obvious until they reach maturity. In those days, of course, you would just get a feral cat put down. Nowadays they are treated like one of the family, rather than a domestic animal.

SootySweepandSue · 08/12/2011 16:20

Agree Dooinmacleanin.

CupAndSorcery · 08/12/2011 16:22

What will you do if your baby doesn't act exactly as you'd like? Confused

poor cat....

Pancakeflipper · 08/12/2011 16:23

Oh give the cat a bloody break. Let him adjust to the changes.

Yes, when my DS1 was born I was a bit worried about how our cat would take it. He adjusted. After an initial sniff and pat with his paw he was fine. In fact the first thing DS1 laughed at was our cat.

Cats and children can make good buddies. I get the feeling you have already made your mind up.

Kayano · 08/12/2011 16:23

Not read whole thread but jumping in head first cos I'm lazy.

Rejoining him is awful. People who don't have time to give an animal anytime shouldn't own animals.
Kinder to rehome Hmm

I am pregnant with 2 clingy cats and I love it because I love them unconditionally.

Kayano · 08/12/2011 16:25

Rejoining?! Rehoming!

SarahBumBarer · 08/12/2011 16:29

While I totally agree that the cat should be given the chance to adjust (and that it actually sounds like OP has already made her mind up) they don't all adjust to the changes. Mine didn't. And as much as I love her (and would not object to clinginess) I do not love coming downstairs to shit almost every day since I gave birth to DS. Vets cannot solve psychological problems if that is what it is.

Crosshair · 08/12/2011 16:31

Ah it just seems like such an odd thing to me.

I would wait until after the birth to at least see if he goes back to normal.

I think theres such a strong response to your thread because of animals being killed due to rescues being full pretty much everywhere. :(

Sibling4 · 08/12/2011 16:32

"op you are being totally balmy"

Hmm I'd say the opposite

Chillingly cold

ddubsgirl · 08/12/2011 16:33

wait till baby becomes a whiney clingy toddler,you gonna get rid of that too?ffs its a pet,he is still young many have lived with cats & babies and lived!

FunnysInTheGarden · 08/12/2011 16:33

Agree. Wait until your baby is here and then see. My cat is great with my two DC, lets the baby cuddle her etc. Sounds like yours will be the same. She really is part of the family, and in fact even thinking of rehoming her makes me feel rather sad.

Rikalaily · 08/12/2011 16:41

He's only like that because you are pregnant, one of my male cats is exactly the same whenever I'm expecting, the behaviour calms down after the baby is born. I'm pretty shocked that you want to re-home him because of it, I think it's sweet because cats are usually so aloof. He's an animal, he runs on instinct and his instincts are telling him to protect and look after your while you are pregnant, mine even follows me to the loo when I'm pregnant and cries outside until he's let in, he doesn't like me out of his sight if I'm in the house.

Cats avoid babies, they don't like them very much, the cat won't be bothered at all by the baby and will just ignore it most of the time. I've got 4 cats and not one of them has shown an interest in any of my four babies. Not even the one who fusses me when I'm pregnant, as soon as the baby is out he's back to his old self, he does like a fuss normally anyway but it's well into overdrive when I'm pregnant, totally different behaviour.

Also, my cats are all on dry food, it's a specialist food for cats who are prone to water infections, I get it because wet food gives them all bad tummies and my oldest one gets water infections if he's on any other dry food apart from this one. They have two bowls of water out and they get refilled several times a day, they drink alot of water because of the food but thats just becasue it's dry, the food itself is very low sodium and gluten free. When mine had water/kidney infections in the past he would just go upstairs and hide under the bed, he didn't want fussing, he just wanted to be left alone. He went missing for 4 days and then crawled into the kitchen, couldn't even walk he was so ill, peeing blood, he was given a big injection of antibiotics then a 2 week course of tablets. Since the specialist food he's been fine, unless he has wet food, then he gets the shits like the rest of them do, yuk.

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 16:59

Rikalaily, it's really good to hear that your cat has gone back to normal once the baby is born.

Mine also follows me to the toilet and jumps on my lap while I'm on it!

I'm actually not concerned how the cat will be with the baby - despite the conclusions some have jumped to. He's fine with my young niece - shows no interest in her.

What I am concerned about is him being this demanding and needy when I have a new baby. I am told babies are demanding and needy too. Again, despite some conclusions that have been jumped to, I am fully aware that babies require pretty much constant attention.

I am concered the cat will want more attention than I can give him, and will be unhappy if he doesn't get that attention.

It depends I suppose on whether my cat is acting up because he wants more attention, or if it's because as some have suggested he feels protective of me. He has certainly lost interest in DH, who loves playing with him and cudding him, but whenever he does that now the cat just wants to get to me!

If he genuinely now wants more attention from me and only me, then it's not going to work, but if he's being protective, then presumably he'll go back to normal once the baby is here, and everyone (cat included) will be happy.

OP posts:
somedayma · 09/12/2011 21:37

Why'd you get a cat in the first place? Seriously? You sound very cruel

eurochick · 09/12/2011 22:18

A pet is for life, OP. You don't kick them out of their home just because they want a bit more of your attention than you are prepared to give. It's cruel. I don't think you should be forcing the cat to stay outside all day in this weather either. You sound really callous.

I've heard of cats reacting to pregnancy hormones before. It sounds like that is what is happening here.

I was brought up in a household with two cats (that were both there before I arrived). I loved growing up with them.

FreudianSlipper · 09/12/2011 22:26

there is not point giving you any other advice than rehome him, you are not bothered by him and he knows that

my cat drives me mad at times but he is part of our little family both ds and i love him very much. if you do not feel that way do not have pets and please do not get another cat

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 09/12/2011 22:31

How pregnant are you? I think my cats were a bit loopy at first but calmed down after a few months. The cat may settle down before the baby arrives.

FWIW I'm usually in the "pet is for life" camp but I have a new(ish) troublesome cat and I completely understand why others would consider re-homing. I won't but there are days when it's tempting...

Trish1200 · 09/12/2011 22:44

Rehoming a cat for wanting for affection and attention?Angry

You shouldn't have got a cat in the first place, it sounds as you just wanted another piece of furniture. How can you expect the poor thing to be out all day in this cold?

I hope you're not so cold and unaffectionate to your children. Cats are not people, but they still need to feel loved.

Flugelpip · 09/12/2011 22:45

I found it very hard to cope with my cat when I was pg for the first time, OP - he's big, attention-seeking at the best of times and always one to throw a spoke in your wheel when you could do without it. He lay low after DS1 was born - liked to be around, but not anything like as shouty or demanding. Now DS1 is two and they are pals. DS1 is very gentle with animals and other children and has obviously benefited from being around the cat. So instead of seeing him as a potential problem/distraction, try to imagine your baby being overjoyed to see him when he walks into the room.

I think you want permission to rehome the cat and that's why you posted. I don't think you're heartless or cold, just being insanely practical, with the emphasis on 'insane'. Recognise that your hormones are making you very single-minded at present. I would think you're probably in pre-birth problem-solving mode and have the cat on a list with 'buy blackout blinds' and 'research baby monitors'. Just relax, concentrate on the baby and realise that the cat will find his own place in your home - or will rehome himself...

scotsgirl23 · 09/12/2011 22:45

I have 3 cats, and pregnancy did send a couple of them a little crazy. We also acquired the 3rd when I was VERY pregnant, and when we were at the breeders collecting him, one of her cats went crazy, clambering all over me, nibbling my clothes, the lot. The breeder said he was normally very aloof, and she'd seen him like that once before - with her pregnant daughter-in-law. Apparently some cats react to it very strongly.

Mine did calm down post-pregnancy (although they are still cuddly, but they always were) and I certainly wouldn't have contemplated rehoming any of them because of it.

LoveInAColdClimate · 09/12/2011 22:51

I assume you will also be putting the baby up for adoption if it seems to require a bit more attention than you fancy providing? YABVVVVVU.

LittleMissHumbuggery · 09/12/2011 22:53

Two out of my three mogs have tried to become lap cats since I fell pregnant. It's sending me loopy but I am clinging to the knowledge that most cats tend to revert to their normal routines once the hormones calm down (so the lovely Magda at the PDSA said when I mentioned it while she was poking #3 cat's manky abcess). If not, I'm moving into the shed!:o

midori1999 · 10/12/2011 00:43

If you look on the Association of Pet Behaviour Counsellors website you can find a cat behaviourist and they may be able to help you. If your cat is insured that may cover the cost.

Surely it's best to explore all avenues prior to rehoming, since there are so many cats being put to sleep and rescue places and good homes are more than a bit outnumbered by how many cats need them. Sad

mathanxiety · 10/12/2011 03:16

Flugelpip, very sensible post imo. You are making yourself emotionally ready for the baby and sometimes it can seem really difficult to see how anything else could possibly claim any of your attention. Some women feel this when DC2 is on the way -- how can you possibly love them both, at the same time? You may find yourself having something of a crisis when you decide to have a DC2. It's natural. Then things fall into place and the worries fade away.

There is no need for vitriol along the lines of LoveInAColdClimate's post. And a pet is not necessarily 'for life' either. Stuff happens; things change.

I do think a visit to the vet would be advisable to rule out any health problems the cat may be having and to ask about cats and newborns, toddlers, etc.

Cats and children together can be a source of great family memories. My own cat, now 16 but going strong, slept on beds from the start; it was impossible to change that habit from her earliest days. Initially we all got pounced on and bitten every time a foot moved, and we all frequently woke with the kitten tangled up in our hair. As time wore on, she adopted the two DDs who most resembled her in colouring (ginger) and started to mother them. She narrowed down her choice of bed to DD1's and brought dead mice to her whenever she managed to catch one (greeted by screams of horror from DD1). When she went off to university, DD3 was adopted by the cat and that is where we stand now. The cat sleeps on top of DD3. DD3 gets groomed by the cat every morning before school. When exH and I divorced and I had to sell our house, the cat was what held DD3 together through it all.