AIBU re my cat and pregnancy

[Catshitmental]

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I know there are a lot of cat-lovers on AIBU and am really interested in views.

We have a cat, 2yo, male, neutered. Very small, super-pretty however I suspect very inbred due to uniformity of markings. Not pedigree, just a mog.

I love animals but believe in treating them like animals and am not a fan of treating them like people/children. We have had the cat since he was 10wks old. He usually goes out most mornings, plays out all day, comes in in the evening and sleeps in his own basket. He's always been a happy, affectionate chap.

Since I got pregnant he has dramatically changed his behaviour and personality. He is now clingy, needy, whiny and demanding. He clamours to clamber all over me at all times even though I have never allowed him to, begs every time I go into the kitchen even though he has dry food available at all times and is never fed 'human' food, begs to eat from my plate even though he has never been allowed to, and cries inconsolably if put outside even though he has always spent all day - and sometimes all night - out playing happily.

This morning DH put him out at 7am, as he does every day, and by 8am the cat was on the windowsill screaming so loudly to come in I actually thought a child was being tortured. He has totally lost interest in his basket and constantly wants to be on me or on the sofa, and has started demanding to go out/come back in every 10 minutes, to the point where he throws himself at the door yowling.

We can't have a cat flap (rental property) or leave a window open for him but we never have done and he has never had these issues - not even last winter when it was bloody cold!

Any bright ideas where this behaviour has come from? I'd understand it if he'd been allowed to do all these things then suddenly no longer allowed but we've never let him have the run of the place or made any dramatic changes to his lifestyle. Having said I don't like to treat animals like children, he is behaving very much like a naughty toddler! I try to ignore his constant wailing but I worry the neighbours will report us to the RSPCA, the din he makes!

Any thoughts? Sadly I think I will have to rehome him, but I am truly baffled by his behaviour.

OP our cat became a clingy pain when I was pregnant and very vocal. Now DD is here (and has been for 9 weeks) the cat is still wanting to come on our lap and still very vocal.

TBH when the baby was crying, then the dog started whining, then the cat wanted attention and DH was back at work I did find 3 extra moaning mouths hard going! DH suggested just to shut everyone in other rooms until I had sorted crying baby (otherwise I think I might have lost the plot)

When DD first turned up I had stopped picking up the cat, simply because at first I was either always holding DD when he wanted attention or I was scared of picking the cat up, then needing to wash hands super thoroughly before picking up DD. This might all sound mad to some people but it was my thought process at the time.

Yes it has taken 2 months but as I am more used to DD and our routine now I have started to pick our cat up again now and give him attention - for a while he was only getting a passing stroke from DH when the baby first turned up.

Don't assume your cat will definitely stop wanting to be on your lap when the baby turns up (ours hasn't) but 1 person has the baby and the other picks the cat up and strokes him or whatever it is he wants at the time.

It has not been easy everyone wanting my attention at the same time (and moaning for it) but we would never have considered re-homing our rescue moggie as he is part of the family and our responsibility.

Someone asked when I was pregnant whether we would be rehoming the dog, my response (in my head) was shock and that it was a really backward suggestion that you would just kick a member of your family out because someone else is turning up!

Stick with it, give the cat some time, it is a fact that animals are good for humans to be around.

'I am told babies are demanding and needy too. Again, despite some conclusions that have been jumped to, I am fully aware that babies require pretty much constant attention'

It's not really that they 'require' attention and that you have a duty to fulfill. You yourself will find your attention taken up entirely by the baby and you may even find you have gone days without the cat even registering on your consciousness.

Have you had much experience of dealing with babies? Any babysitting?

I think you may be feeling anxious about your ability to be an attentive mother and feeling a bit of stress about doing it all 'right'. When you have the baby, your instincts will kick in.

Gosh, if you think the cat is hard work and annoying you're in for a huge shock when your baby arrives!

Math - you may think there's no need for vitriol, I think there's no need to have a member of your family rehomed (and thus quite possibly PTS) because it's behaving in a fundamentally harmless but somewhat irritataing way. If that was ok behaviour, I am pretty sure we would all have rehomed our DHs at some point . Pets are a lifetime commitment, not a toy until you get a real baby. I may have been a bit unfair on the OP but I have seen so many people on MN cavalierly planning on getting rid of a pet (admittedly, most of whom have been instantly flamed).

Oh, and this is AIBU, not the litter tray. The OP asked if she was BU. She can't then be surprised if lots of people think that she is.

When the baby comes, don't be surprised if your attitude towards the cat changes and you feel very territorial. My cats have had to accept that they're no longer allowed in the lounge with us (they'll sit on the playmate etc if given half a chance). I expect that I'll include them more as my baby gets older, but for now they're still being fed and homed, while my partner still shows a strong interest in them.

*playmat

My cats went a bit crazy when I was pregnant. They became super affectionate and could not get enough of me; always on my lap and both of them trying to be on me at the same time. This never happened before. They have calmed down since dd was born. One of them is hardly ever about now, but I think that's more as a result of dd's 'enthusiasm' for them! I would keep him until baby comes along and then see how he is a few weeks later before making decisions. Having said that though, I adore my cats and think of them as part of our family so that may not work for you.

Also meant to say that it's great for kids to grow up with pets so don't jump into a decision now as he sounds like a lovely cat and you my regret getting rid of him later down the line.

I can see where you're coming from OP. Not sure why you're being given such a hard time. I haven't got anything to offer I'm afraid.

I think people have chosen to completely mis-understand what you're saying. And as for suggesting that you won't be able to cope with a baby because of the way you feel about your cat, that's just ridiculous. You've already said that you don't believe in treating pets like humans, so surely people should realise that if a defenceless baby is demanding you're attention you're not going to ignore him/her so that you can have a cup of tea.

Sometimes I think people use MN to do the bitching they're afraid to do in RL.

your attention

I would get him checked by the vet firstly to make sure he's not actually ill.

You don't really sound like much of a cat person.

catshitmental - I just wanted to add another voice understanding why you're worried. I agree with what pishtush above said.
It would drive me mental if the cat changed from quite independent to clingy and yowly and fussing all the time. That kind of behaviour is not acceptable from an animal. FFS some people on here are treating it as though it is your DS who has suddenly changed. This is an animal, a pet. I really hope he changes back once the baby arrives.

Has the cat been like this since you started Mat leave (and have been in the house more - his territory) or was this from before you finished? It could be you being there more that's upset him.
If not I'd wait and see how he is after the baby arrives and then make the decision you need, not now. tbh you're going to have more than enough on your hands once the baby is born to be fussing over a jealous cat (as you obviously understand).

One of my cats was super-clingy during my first pregnancy. All back to normal now and DD1 just loves 'her' cats. They are really good with her too. Having a baby is a big upheaval for everyone in the house but things should settle down again.

I'm genuinely shocked your first thought is re-homing. Can't you understand that your cat is maybe responding to you and your hormones? And you're going to punish him for that? Seriously, it beggars belief.

Your cat did not ask to be homed with you. You took him home with you. He slotted into your lives. And now, when he's exhibiting protective behaviour (oh big effing deal he's a bit clingy!) that doesn't exactly match what you want him to be like, you're ready to dispose of him. Awful.

Yeah maybe, it's not always possible to meet the commitment you made when you got your pet. But there's only very, very very few reasons to give up your pet - probably if you're renting and having a pet jeopardises your living circumstances, or if the animal turns violent. Those are pretty much the only reasons I can think of.

Let me telling you something. I have a cat - she uses me for food and water and a warm bed, most of the time she's out (from 6am until 7pm for a pit stop, then out again and back at 11pm). We live in London - our current landlady is fine with us having a cat but the flat isn't ideal (scary pitch black entrance) and we'd like to move, especially when we have children. Having our little cat severely limits where we can move to. Either landlords get hysterical about pet ownership or the available flat is on the 8th floor or something (needless to say, it would be too cruel to try to turn her into a flat living cat that can never go out.)

I made the decision to get her. She is my responsibility. I would only consider re-homing only if keeping her literally meant we were homeless (as in, couldn't find an appropriate place to move to and we had to move from where we are now). I worry about it a lot and feel terrible about it - it breaks my heart to even think about it. I feel terrible, like I f*cked up horribly by getting her in the first place, that I had no right to if i couldn't provide a home for her.

Maybe this sounds dramatic and you know, she's just a cat, she'll forget. Whatever. I couldn't care less. She's my cat. I love her. I feel so irresponsible when I think I might have to give her up. I even find myself wishing (and this is SO TERRIBLE) that my dad's elderly cats would hurry on up so I could send the little bear to live with him, because I'd know she was safe for the rest of her life. That is so awful to admit but...I don't know....I just know re-homing doesn't mean safe for life, and I could not live with that for my little cat. I simply do not understand how you can speak about it so casually - no sense at all of feeling bad or worried for your cat.

I know I'm judging you really badly but I can't help it. Or I sound like a crazy animal person. I cannot relate to you in any way. I would love the security you have, where you're biggest problem regarding your cat is he's a bit clingy and doesn't want to go out. Jesus.

First thing to do is see the vet. Any change in behaviour can be a sign of a health problem, even becoming more friendly and demanding. You must do that please.

Once physical issues have been ruled out then you can tackle the behaviour. Your vet can refer you to a behaviour counsellor pref from the APBC if after that you still feel unable to cope then maybe you do need to look at rehoming.

Just to warn you, once your baby arrives and becomes the entire focus of your attention it is very easy to become very ambivalent about your cat. But the intensity of the baby period does pass and the cat will find its way back into your affections. It's not a good time to make decisions about its future.

Sarahbumbarer I would definitely recommend that you try Feliway in the kitchen - there's a decent chance that it may solve your problem.
Worth a try for OP as well - there is not a huge queue of people waiting to give unwanted cats a good home, so I think you should try all other avenues to rebalance the family dynamic before you go the rejoining route.

And rejoining should read rehoming of course - bloody iPhone.

i have two cats i rescued from Singapore (one from 4 weeks from a rubbish dump) before i was pregnant. the rubbish dump cat (typical high maintenance asian cat and very attached to me -- still sucks my earlobes!) went crazy and i was concerned he would try and suffocate the baby.

paid thousands and thousands to ship them backc

other cat once in uk would fight with another one outside the window. it got savage and was noisy, espeically when i was ragged co-sleeping and feeding to sleep my one year old. in anger i tried to intervene and it bit me and i ended up in hospital with poisoning. thought it could be a danger to the child, but decided it was a one off.

the cats frankly annoy me with their demands and i have kids now, all my matnl feelings go on my children now.

both cats wake me up -- on top of all the night wakings with a newborn.
they fight at night and rattle the blinds
they have destroyed our furniture
they howl (asnd asian cats are noisy) at other cats on our roof for hours waking everyone in thenhouse up
if i stand near a bookshelf they try to jump up clawing me to shreds (and i'm usually slinging so have to watch my back

it's like living with Kato from the pink panther.

i've idly discussed rehoming with dh, who is a dog man really, but we have agreed that we wouldn't wish these cats on anyone else!

besides, what lesson would i be teaching my three year old? that you can dispose of annoying pets because they are a bit inconvenient?

yabu

Rehoming a cat because its become a bit scatty? FFS

Not that you will be arsed but it is normal and they do usually chill out when the baby arrives. But better get rid of it eh? God forbid it want a stroke or a bit of affection when the baby arrives

And big hairy bollocks to the old "Im thinking of the cat", thats the pet equivalent of "its not you its me"

Wow, the OP does sound quite heartless. I'm beginning to think she posted for justification rather than help, and doesn't really want her cat regardless of what is said. :(

Maybe kitty will be better off rehomed anyway.

I'll have him, he sounds fab I'll carry him around all day long! Inbetween the mad as a hatter kitten of course, oh and DS well ok then, DS will carry him around all day long!