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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re my cat and pregnancy

146 replies

Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 14:51

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I know there are a lot of cat-lovers on AIBU and am really interested in views.

We have a cat, 2yo, male, neutered. Very small, super-pretty however I suspect very inbred due to uniformity of markings. Not pedigree, just a mog.

I love animals but believe in treating them like animals and am not a fan of treating them like people/children. We have had the cat since he was 10wks old. He usually goes out most mornings, plays out all day, comes in in the evening and sleeps in his own basket. He's always been a happy, affectionate chap.

Since I got pregnant he has dramatically changed his behaviour and personality. He is now clingy, needy, whiny and demanding. He clamours to clamber all over me at all times even though I have never allowed him to, begs every time I go into the kitchen even though he has dry food available at all times and is never fed 'human' food, begs to eat from my plate even though he has never been allowed to, and cries inconsolably if put outside even though he has always spent all day - and sometimes all night - out playing happily.

This morning DH put him out at 7am, as he does every day, and by 8am the cat was on the windowsill screaming so loudly to come in I actually thought a child was being tortured. He has totally lost interest in his basket and constantly wants to be on me or on the sofa, and has started demanding to go out/come back in every 10 minutes, to the point where he throws himself at the door yowling.

We can't have a cat flap (rental property) or leave a window open for him but we never have done and he has never had these issues - not even last winter when it was bloody cold!

Any bright ideas where this behaviour has come from? I'd understand it if he'd been allowed to do all these things then suddenly no longer allowed but we've never let him have the run of the place or made any dramatic changes to his lifestyle. Having said I don't like to treat animals like children, he is behaving very much like a naughty toddler! I try to ignore his constant wailing but I worry the neighbours will report us to the RSPCA, the din he makes!

Any thoughts? Sadly I think I will have to rehome him, but I am truly baffled by his behaviour.

OP posts:
MotherPanda · 08/12/2011 15:16

Have you considered getting a second cat as a companion? Then your poor cat can get some love and attention - how would you like to be adopted by a family of cats, away from all other humans, and then just ignored? That would drive me dotty.

tigermoll · 08/12/2011 15:17

Look, if the OP doesn't want her cat any more, (for whatever reason) then the decent thing to do is give it to someone who does.

I'm not getting the impression that she is that fussed about it, tbh, -maybe because her coming baby is taking up her time, maybe she never really wanted it in the first place, maybe she has decided she doesn't like cats, WHATEVER.

I agree that people shouldn't get pets, then blithly dump them when they're bored/their lifestyle changes/it turns out to be more work than they anticipated. But people certainly shouldn't hang on to pets that they no longer want just out of duty. I imagine that the poor cat is being eteranlly batted away from plates, pushed off laps and tutted at. It propbably will be happy out of that.

QueenofJacksDreams · 08/12/2011 15:17

So you're giving up on an animal you chose to bring into your home, who has given you nothing but love and asked only food and water of you up until now, who has never given you any trouble, hasn't hurt anyone just because you're pregnant? Sounds more like you're bored of that cat now that you have something new to focus your attention on.

Giving an animal love is still treating it like an animal, don't you think animals know how to love each other? Of course they bloody do and to be honest they're obviously a damn site better at it than you are.

NinkyNonker · 08/12/2011 15:18

Hmm Angry

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 15:18

By 'not treating him like a person' I mean I don't let him eat from my plate, sleep on my bed. clamber all over me etc. He has his 'own' basket to sleep in, food to eat. He has always been happy and gets stroked, cuddled etc by both me and DH so he doesn't 'get no affection'.

I got a cat because I like cats and have owned many over the years. I have always found them relatively low-maintenance, which is why this one is puzzling me.

He may be lonely but I am now on maternity leave so in the house with him in the same room as me pretty much all day! He doesn't like other cats (there are a few in the neighbourhood) so I don't think he's lonely for other cats.

The spray sounds a good idea, I probably smell different with all the hormones.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/12/2011 15:19

Oh dear.....well I really hope your new baby doesnt constantly want your attention - will you re-home that too? Hmm

mathanxiety · 08/12/2011 15:19

I think a trip to the vet is advisable to rule out many possible causes of hunger/new eating preferences.

I also wonder why you think he is 'playing happily outside' if you don't treat animals like people.. That is what children do. Cats behave like cats outside. They usually like to sleep during the day and are more active at night and at prime hunting hours. I am all for treating animals like animals, but you have to recognise and acknowledge the animal aspects of their behaviour in order to do this and not expect them to behave like well mannered Victorian children ('seen but not heard', etc). Giving attention to a cat is not the same as treating him like people. Cats like company and they need a bit of physical contact.

Booboostoo · 08/12/2011 15:23

My bitch's personality changed completely during my pregnancy, very clingey, hysterical and a bit fear aggressive...but went back to normal after I gave birth and my hormones returned to normal. I would bet the cat is affected by your hormones and is trying to be extra protective and extra loving of you...poor cat!

MotherPanda · 08/12/2011 15:25

ok - sorry op, i took it to mean you didn't stroke him etc

Crosshair · 08/12/2011 15:25

I agree with the trip to the vets, any sudden change in behavoiur should really be investigated.

My dog(nearly two) has got rather annoying since I've become pregnant, alot more needy, wanting to sit on me constantly, leaving his food ect. Its just one of those things, it didnt cross my mind to rehome him. Xmas Sad You just have to put the extra effort in to make them happy.

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 15:26

Tigermoll you are right - he IS constantly being batted off plates, pushed off my lap. Which of course would be very mean if he had previously been allowed to and suddenly wasn't - but he hasn't, nor did he every try to until I started showing!

He sits next to me for cuddles but he's never been one for sitting on laps - nor has he been one for eating off plates - which is why I am so puzzled as to why he has suddenly started doing both. Ditto the begging in the kitchen - again I could understand it if I'd suddenly changed his diet/stopped feeding him, but his diet hasn't changed.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 15:27

Have you checked him for worms?

HecklerNotKoch · 08/12/2011 15:29

Sadly I think I will have to rehome him

why? maybe he is poorly and its nothing to do with you being up the duff

NatashaBee · 08/12/2011 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 15:31

He's wormed regulary with stuff we get from the vet (not the Bob Martin shite, I know it doesn't work) - I haven't been through his poo, mind, but I've never noticed it moving. Is there another way to check - he doesn't scratch his arse any more (or less) than he ever has done. Vet, maybe?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 15:33

Yes, take him to the Vet as many people have advised.

OrmIrian · 08/12/2011 15:34

Vet can rule out any problems. He might also be able to advise best way to deal with changes in behaviour that are due to pregnancy.

Also bear in mind you aren't pregnant for ever. If it is this that is causing the changes he will be back to normal afterwars.

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 15:34

Natashabee - I am on mat leave so he's in the house with me most of the time anyway.

Those who have said pets were clingy whilst pregnant - did they calm down once you had the baby? FWIW I do LIKE my cat, of course, but I am aware he isn't happy - that much is obvious - and assuming the vet says he's fine physically, I feel mean keeping him for MY benefit when HE is obviously not happy.

But I'm not prepared to allow him to eat off my plate, sleep in my bed and drape himself all over me all the time, as he was perfectly fine before, NOT being allowed to do these things.

OP posts:
iloveroses · 08/12/2011 15:35

Poor cat, he sound's lovely. Don't understand why you got him in the first place. Hopefully he will go to a home who will care about him.

SarahBumBarer · 08/12/2011 15:35

Think is - much as I am Hmm at the idea of rehoming the cat, one of my cats got quite clingy when I was pg and although she has stopped being clingy now that DS is here, she clearly does not like his presence and now shits in the kitchen constantly which drives me bonkers and has made my DH really dislike her (especially now I am pg again and DH has to clean it all up). Vet is adamant (several visits) that there is nothing physically wrong with her.

SarahBumBarer · 08/12/2011 15:35

thing is... sorry!

diddl · 08/12/2011 15:39

Well if the cat is usually alone all day & now your´re there-doesn´t that explain it-it wants some attentiom in the day now that it has the chance to get some?

Original poster
Catshitmental · 08/12/2011 15:44

Sarah - that's exactly what worries me, a new baby WILL upset the cat's life whether anybody likes it or not, and I wonder if it is kinder to him to go to a home with somebody who wants more companionship from him than I do.

As much as I'm being flamed here for being a cat-hating bastard, I actually just want what's best for him, but the fact is I AM pregnant so this is not negotiable, and he is obviously very sensitive to this change. I plan on having more children, and I am not prepared to NOT do so for the cat's sake.

I know plenty of people who have cats and are pregnant/have childen no problem. Their cats didn't mind/had no interest. My cat obviously does mind!

OP posts:
SarahBumBarer · 08/12/2011 15:48

I understand. My girl cat is now 10 years old and I can't think of rehoming her but I probably should have done about 8/9 years ago because it was always clear that she would be happier in a single cat household just as it is now clear to me that she would be happier in a no-children, single cat household. Incidentally my girl cat was always a bit of a loner, never really sat in the same room as or wanted to be with us, just kind of "used us" for food and water so nothing really seems to have changed for her. Boy cat on the other had has been majory usurped by DS1 and he has just taken it completely in his stride.

SootySweepandSue · 08/12/2011 15:54

I think your cat sounds entirely normal and that you just can not accommodate him with your lifestyle /value system. Poor thing...

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