AIBU re my cat and pregnancy

[Catshitmental]

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I know there are a lot of cat-lovers on AIBU and am really interested in views.

We have a cat, 2yo, male, neutered. Very small, super-pretty however I suspect very inbred due to uniformity of markings. Not pedigree, just a mog.

I love animals but believe in treating them like animals and am not a fan of treating them like people/children. We have had the cat since he was 10wks old. He usually goes out most mornings, plays out all day, comes in in the evening and sleeps in his own basket. He's always been a happy, affectionate chap.

Since I got pregnant he has dramatically changed his behaviour and personality. He is now clingy, needy, whiny and demanding. He clamours to clamber all over me at all times even though I have never allowed him to, begs every time I go into the kitchen even though he has dry food available at all times and is never fed 'human' food, begs to eat from my plate even though he has never been allowed to, and cries inconsolably if put outside even though he has always spent all day - and sometimes all night - out playing happily.

This morning DH put him out at 7am, as he does every day, and by 8am the cat was on the windowsill screaming so loudly to come in I actually thought a child was being tortured. He has totally lost interest in his basket and constantly wants to be on me or on the sofa, and has started demanding to go out/come back in every 10 minutes, to the point where he throws himself at the door yowling.

We can't have a cat flap (rental property) or leave a window open for him but we never have done and he has never had these issues - not even last winter when it was bloody cold!

Any bright ideas where this behaviour has come from? I'd understand it if he'd been allowed to do all these things then suddenly no longer allowed but we've never let him have the run of the place or made any dramatic changes to his lifestyle. Having said I don't like to treat animals like children, he is behaving very much like a naughty toddler! I try to ignore his constant wailing but I worry the neighbours will report us to the RSPCA, the din he makes!

Any thoughts? Sadly I think I will have to rehome him, but I am truly baffled by his behaviour.

OP YANBU in my opinion to come on here to discuss, ask for advice and consider your options. Everyone reads things differently and looks on these threads for reasons, hence the mixed responses.

From what I read I don't think you're cold and heartless and I think it's unfair to have it implied you're in for a shock having a baby ect. Maybe you are maybe you aren't. Some of the best pet owners go on to make horrible parents, no ones perfect, we're all different!

I'm an animal lover and I do treat my cats like people. I do consider them members of my family as I think you do with your cat regardless of what style of "ownership/parenting" you use. With that in mind I can completely understand how such a dramatic change in a family members behaviour would make you concerned.

I'm heavily pregnant and both of my cats have been very weird throughout my pregnancy and ever changing. I have nights where I can't sleep and my boy will sit outside my bedroom door and cry for me until I go out and let him see I'm ok. Some days they follow me around all day others they ignore me. I have an un spayed female and she's come on heat at strange times that according to my vet she shouldn't. I know my hormones are effecting her but at the same time is it cruel to put her through a surgery at a stressful time or cruel for her to be left to be effected by my hormones? She was too young when I got pregnant to have her spayed so we're stuck in a bit of a catch 22 there.

My vet was a fountain of knowledge when he found out I was pregnant with a lot of useful, practical advice on taking care of their health and dealing with their behaviour during pregnancy. I'd recommend speaking to a good vet about the issues you're having and try some of the things people have suggested on here.

There's lots of info on this website www.fabcats.org/behaviour/index.php which my vet uses as a source of information.

The pregnancy isn't forever and no doubt things may change for better or worse once the baby arrives so perhaps wait and see how things turn out.

Rehoming is an option. I think it takes a responsible person to acknowledge that they may not be the best owner for their animal no matter how much they do or don't love them. Life happens, situations change and I see no reason to have an unhappy animal in a bad situation because a person feels they cannot admit they made a mistake or are in an unchangeable situation that is not the best for their animal. If nothing works and things get worse then perhaps speak to your local rehoming centres, speak to friends and family who may consider taking your pet on and basically find out about it, you may find you can't do it or you couldn't be confident your cat would be better off or visa versa.

Hope it all works out.

sorry for the massive post!

Did you try the Feliway yet?

Your vet can also provide Zylkene, which helps 'cats rapidly adapt to changing situations' and combats 'stress' of all kinds.

OP - please do rehome your cat - you don't sound nice enough to keep him tbh.

The logic doesn't follow re looking after cats/looking after babies.

But. I do think it's deplorable to treat another living being in such a disposable way. Maybe I'm just a "barmy animal lover" (which is wrong because....?) but you took on the responsibility of this animal. You are shirking those responsibilities because his behaviour has changed - not into some crazed, nasty, violent animal that you're concerned about being around your baby but simply because he's become a bit clingy. I could really, really understand it if he was exhibiting mad cat behaviour that makes you worried he might attack your baby but he's not! He's actually showing quite sweet instincts - by wanting to be so close to you, and not your DH, it's only because he's picking up on the pregnancy hormones.

I think your thinking is awful, I really do. You should never, ever have got him - made that commitment, brought him home, made it his home, made you his family - if you couldn't fulfill the responsibility. It's completely irresponsible. Animals are not toys to be chucked away when you're bored with them - and hell, if that thinking makes me "barmy", so be it. I would much rather be responsible, and kind to my fucking pets, in my barminess thanks very much!

something way up thread about wet/dry food - one of my cats had to have dental work and is now on a dry food only diet (she's not impressed at all) and the vet said wet food is bad for their teeth. i know someone who is a dentist who said the biscuits are bad for their teeth. anyway, her teeth are much better on the dental biscuits.

she was also very, very clingy but always has been an attention seeker. she backed way off when baby arrived and happily slept in the corner when they were around, and now the 1st baby is a very affectionate pre-schooler who is very good to her. she has tolerated the babies grabbing and screeching in excitement very well and my kids love her to bits.

I honestly don't know how anyone would think that having a cat spayed would need to happen at the right time for the cat, or how anyone would stay in a home that they didn't like because it would mean the cat would have to turn into an indoors cat.

Mine got spayed when the parade of toms got to be so bad I couldn't go out my own back door for fear of walking on one and the nightly chorus was disturbing the neighbours -- after her second heat. And I moved because I had to from a house to a flat, where the cat is doing fabulously. I had to, I had no other choice and we all had to like it or lump it including the cat. Yes I could have looked out for a place on the ground floor or somewhere away from a main road where the cat could be let out but I would have paid at least a thousand more. I was committed to bringing the cat (and the fish tank) with us and wouldn't have had her declawed, which ruled out a few places, sadly.

Just because a poster posts in AIBU doesn't mean vitriol and abuse may be heaped upon her. There is nothing special about issues involving animals that makes below the belt responses ok, even in AIBU.

one of ours was like this each time i was pregnant - then ignored me for a month once baby arrived, then back to normal!

I'm cat mad, I really am. I certainly don't 'treat them like humans' though, allowing them on surfaces, eating from my plate etc. The two are not incompatible you know.

How fickle are you - when you got this cat you committed to what can amount to 18 plus years of cat ownership. Some pretty normal behaviour for Toms ensued when your hormones started sending him batty (as did my hormones when I was pregnant, always the Toms harassing me the Queens didn't give a rats left one).

Generally they do go back to normal once the baby is here. Appalled that you could re home for such an insignificant reason.

mathanxiety the only reason I worried about the right time to spay my cat is because my vet was. Him being a vet that I trust I've listened to him. Perhaps it isn't something that needs to be worried about but as I say my vet's recommended against it for now so we put up with the calling and the line of toms waiting outside she will be done in the new year though!

My cats drive me insane! One sits behind me on the couch and head butts me constantly if I dont fuss her, the other cries for food 24/7 and is currently hiding under my bed and wont come out as he is scared to death of the builders. But you know what Ive had them since they were kittens and one is 14 and the other is 7 and I would never ever get rid of them. They arent humans and I dont treat them like it but I decided to have them so it is my job to take care of them till death do us part!

I also have 2 DC, aged 3 and 5 months and would rather the irritating cats any day!! :)

My vet was talking about acupuncture for my cat when she developed symptoms of an allergy (intense itching and tearing of her fur that left her bare in patches and raw from scratching). I was a bit and opted instead to try organic catfood that had no preservatives or E colours, plus vitamin drops sprinkled over the food to help her heal. It worked so no need for the acupuncture... I think some vets are more concerned about animals' sensitivities than doctors are about people.

What's so wrong with letting him sit in your lap and have a cuddle? Poor kitty. If you can find him a nice home to go to then yes you should probably re-home him as you don't seem to like him that much but chances are he'd just end up in a shelter and maybe put down :(

If the OP hadn't mentioned rehoming then she would probably have got some sympathy and good advice without the roasting. But it does seem fairly incomprehensible to want to dump your cat simply because they have got a bit irritating.

I think one of the fundamental issues is that many people don't seem to have a clue about the consequences of taking your cat to a rescue and imagine them disappearing into the sunset with a new loving family in a matter of days. However unless the cat is very lucky it will be spending a considerable period of time in a small cage on it's own or an enclosure with many other cats, both of which will be very stressful for most cats. After few months if it hasn't found a new home it may well be put down.

When we got our rescue cats the shelter had over 300 cats. All of the foster homes were overflowing and they were dong their utmost to persuade the very small number of visitors that they would all like two cats each. The vetting was pretty minimal, as the shelter was in the position that if they didn't get cats into homes they would be put down.

Exactly nooka. 'Rehoming' isn't an easy option for an animal. Even in a good rescue. op seems so matter-of-fact about it, as if it's the same as taking back a faulty microwave

Yes nooks - which is why I'm so baffled by the more over-enthusiastic animal lovers on this thread who are saying that the OP should rehome her cat as she's not a suitable owner. The Russian Roulette of a rescue centre is not preferable to a guaranteed home where the animal is fed, housed, stroked, taken to the vet where necessary, but occasionally perhaps treated in an off-hand or unaffectionate manner.

My cats were lovely when I has DS. They were a bit wary at first. But I spent weeks in bed or on the sofa snuggled up with the baby and both cats. I now just have one cat and she is very naughty (because I let her). eats off my plate, licks food off DS's face and sleeps in his cot (once in his gro bag with him when I'd not zipped it properly). Don't rehome him just yet. See his neediness as practice for when the baby comes!

Mathanxiety - to clarify, I'm not staying in a home I don't like solely because of my cat. Maybe it read that way, I dunno. There are contributing factors like we weren't sure what our plans for the future were (there was an opportunity to move abroad) and money where it didn't make sense to move.

I don't think we'll have many problems finding a garden flat, and we expect our rent to go up from what we pay just because we have such a good deal here right now (maybe because of the crap entrance!).

But I am a total worry-wart. I worry over EVERYthing that hasn't happened yet. I worry for the future because everything seems so uncertain. And generally, I worry I got this little cat and made it dependent on me, and even though I know i would do my damndest to make sure i found her a proper home, met the people etc, and even though I know within a few weeks, maybe she'd settle in and forget her old life...It would break my heart and I really can't relate to the OP at all. All my point is, rehoming should be the last port of call, not the second or third.

I've got 4 (actually 5 now as I just found a stray kitten on the street) cats and each one is reacting differently to my pregnancy. One hisses at me whenever I go near her (she never used to), one who used to be very cuddly with me and ignore my DH has now found she prefers DH's lap, one is totally normal with me and another will not leave my side, to the point that she sleeps on my belly at night (she never used to sleep with us at all, and was never overly affectionate).

As hard as it is trying to get comfortable at night when you're 32 weeks pregnant with a cat on your belly, or have one waiting outside the door wanting to hiss, spit and bite at you when you come out, I would never dream of re homing them! Especially as I figure they will be back to normal as soon as the baby is born.

Eloquently put HumanFly.