to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.

[Crabapple99]

I have seen several threads on the topic, so want to give my point of view and experiences.

1. Many staff are not allowed to accept a gift above a certain value ( £3 in my school) so these big gifts, especially class gifts, leave staff in a very difficult situation, causing all sorts of paperwork and recording, and leaving us open to accusations of favouratitsm from families, and other allegations

1. Many staff don't want gifts, quite often the item is unwanted, even edibles, if the box is big, heavy, and we already have too much to eat over christams. It is also embarrassing to have to accept.

1. Many staff worry about the reason for the gift, especially if it seems some pupils and their parents feel pressure to keep up: I've been given gifts in the past that when I know the family can't afford even a couple of pounds, it makes me feel terrible. I've had gifts in the past which I suspected were stolen, which makes me feel worse.

1. I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.

1. A very small token, such as one of those tiney boxes from thornton's with just two chocolates in, is a nice way of acknoledging when a teacher has really gone above and beond, for your child, but even that is unnessesary rreally.

Hope I'm not coming across as a scrooge! I love christams, but dread this aspect of it.

AKMD - why should it be different at schools, when even in a lot of private sector companies every single bottle of wine from a supplier has to be raffled out?

Abit different but, my DM became a lollypop lady when she retired until ill health forced her to stop.

She loved the cards made by the children. My DM had always come across
as very unfeeling/cold, the first time i ever saw her cry was when one of the teachers presented her with a very large Christmas card made by a whole class.

Some of the presents were given to a the charity shop, but she loved the thought behind them.

I would have thought that unwanted presents would be put into the school raffle. I know of one teacher who was diabetic, but didn't want to share that, who dropped all gifts off at a local elderly care home.

I work in a school where it is only small gifts that the children give, and I love it! I love it because the children love to give you a present, watch you open it and see your reaction! It's like the John Lewis advert! I really appreciate anything from the children but never expect anything.

Well you are not speaking for my DS's teachers that is for sure!!

DS in secondary school has for the past couple of years bought ( well his dad has ) his two favourite male teachers a case of Carling and his favourite female teacher a bottle of wine.

The teachers have phoned up DH to check that DS hasn't bought and have been very grateful.

We saw one in town and he came over and said he was ready for that at the end of term!!!

I don't have a problem with that . It costs about £8 each, DS pays for it out of his own money and the teachers have been allowed to accept it.

It certainly isn't a bribe - DS still gets bollocked by them for not trying hard enough and I still get phone calls saying he hasn't done homework but these are teachers that he likes and respects.

I can't see how a bribe would work in schools I know. At the end of year 11, 12, and 13 you have externally set exams (GCSE and A'levels). Before that all grades are based on a whole array of grades from tests and assessed work, all stored on computers etc. So unless if a kid's parents gave a grand piano then someone went through the computer changing all those grades, just to give the kid a meaningless "better grade" that doesn't do anything. After all we have SATs grade or Common Entrance, never mind MIDYrs etc. for all kids.

Bollocks.

oh well my ds's teachers are buggered then cause they have got a cup each with their names on dont think anybody else will be able to use them

my ds's are 14 and 15 and still like giving certain teachers gifts, its nice to teach children to give and not receive

In all my 20yrs as a parent (and a governor) I have never read such shite in my life OP.

What a very strange school you work for.

So the teachers open the presents there and then and try to work out if they cost more than £3 before accepting or throwing the gift back in the child/parent's face?

As for the many duplicate boxes of chocolates/bath sets/other duplicate gifts...many teachers are extremely grateful because they can re-gift them and save themselves a fortune, especially NQTs and TA's who may be on a much lower wage.

The 'overwhelming' amount of cards will be recycled after being gratefully accepted.

The only thing I would advise parents not to buy are flowers, as they can't be re-gifted and teachers tend not to own 50 vases... and probably don't want their homes looking like a funeral parlour.

mummy that was 20 years ago in a different country and the grades were set by the school.
the bribery was a well known secret, the pupil a child of a celebrity.

I used to work in a nursery and always really appreciated gifts I got from parents. I got quite a few fantastic bottles of wine and parents would often bring tins of choc for everyone which always went down well. My most treasured gift ever was a card with a photo of me sat with the child on my lap, it was from a girl who wasn't even in my class but who would always find me at play time. Her mum had written a lovely message to me and that card had pride of place over my fireplace.

Teachers must be more virtuous than dental staff then, our practice is always full of biscuits/chocs/wine from patients and we enjoy them very much

i have never brought the teachers anything,i dont remember doing it either when i was at school,gave them a card but never a gift and havent done it with my kids,with 4 kids it would work out to much.

"I am speaking for many many teachers at all levels, who dread being given gifts from pupils at christams"

And who died and made you God eh?

How bloody dare you say that you speak for me? You don't. Quite literally, wind your neck back in.

Merry Christmas!

I think OP phrased her question so as to 'fit' in AIBU?

I think that cards are lovely - if written by the child - but more than token gift-giving is putting a burden on a teacher and I would certainly wonder what was behind a lavish gift.

There is a lot of 'one upmanship' and competitive parenting about and that's really soured things for everyone. What a shame.

Love the piece of string story, you'd never forget that gift.

DH is a teacher.

He is always overjoyed to get a present or a card as are every one of his colleagues that I've seen (they used to be my colleagues too so saw their smiles first hand) - however small, whether it's homemade or mass produced.

There are no 'limits' on what gifts can be accepted, however in the state school he works in then it's unlikely a gift is going to be of huge value (no Tiffany bracelets or Mont Blanc pens here!) No paperwork or 'recording', no claims of favouritism from families - the teachers don't go parading round saying "Look what Timmy bought me, a gold plated statue of myself, hahaha, and you dare to bring me a bottle of 3-for-£12 bottle of wine!"

Equally, if he doesn't get a present or a card, he doesn't like the child any less or teach them to a lower standard.

Very strange OP.

Sorry, I phrased my answer so that there wasn't any misunderstandings. Oh are you a teacher? Perhaps you enjoy other members of your profession speaking for you and assuming that they know better than you?

But if it makes you feel better, then yes, the OP is being VVVU!

Oh and I'll also add, OP, you are being VV unprofessional!

Merry Xmas! (That was me being nice BTW)

Sorry if this has been said before but you dont speak for me or my family. I have always been very appreciative of gifts and I think the school binning presents is shocking. My mil still has many gifts from her career on display in her home. I loved opening gifts from students-they kind of became like family to me. So by all means don't appreciate your gifts and be as rude as to say it to your pupils but don't you dare assume we all feel like that. Just the other day, a colleague and friend was having a horrible day and then a student she'd helped out gave her a card and box of chocs. She was beaming and it turned her day around.

Every year, the parents in DC's class club together and get vouchers. £10 per family so that's between £150-£200.
Easy to carry home, easy to spend at leisure. No one ever seems unhappy.

10 pounds is quite steep. I wouldn't be happy giving that.

I usually get my children to make a card.

Wouldn't it be fun if we could all have careers like Crabapple and have different professions every week

I'd like to be a zookeeper next week...

Wow Bah Humbug OP! YABU!

As a teacher (taking a career break now, but still...) I'd say Xmas/end of Year presents were lovely, although on the whole I don't remember what I was given by who (mostly chocs so nothing memorable). I've never heard of gifts being confiscated or binned though - how very weird!

But, I loved getting cards from the children/parents - I taught reception, so some of the writing was usually done by each. My 1st class the parents had got together and written a poem about what I'd done for their class (or found it online possibly and tailored it?) and stuck it on a big card, they'd given a piece of paper to each parent/child to sign and stuck their names on the inside. It was so lovely and I still well up when I see it (its in the loft now).

Oh and for about 4 years I had a gift tag hanging on a hook in my hallway that said 'Dear Mrs x, you have been a great teacher to D. Thank you, love D and family' it was from quite an uncommunicative parent and it really made my day to receive it - every time I saw it it reminded me I was making a (small) difference. :)

ps I'd love the shells and would keep them in school to use with the children in the small world play tray.

But I guess you could be right op-in the five minutes since you changed careers and the five months since I went on maternity leave it could all have changed

I am glad I don't work in your school!!!! It sounds horrible- maybe it's a reflection on the kind of people that work there!

Ok so that's settled then. We need to stop buying pressies for qualified pathologusts, but can carry on as we are with teacher presents.

Crabapple, you sound strange and frankly you are talking a load of bollocks.