to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.

[Crabapple99]

I have seen several threads on the topic, so want to give my point of view and experiences.

1. Many staff are not allowed to accept a gift above a certain value ( £3 in my school) so these big gifts, especially class gifts, leave staff in a very difficult situation, causing all sorts of paperwork and recording, and leaving us open to accusations of favouratitsm from families, and other allegations

1. Many staff don't want gifts, quite often the item is unwanted, even edibles, if the box is big, heavy, and we already have too much to eat over christams. It is also embarrassing to have to accept.

1. Many staff worry about the reason for the gift, especially if it seems some pupils and their parents feel pressure to keep up: I've been given gifts in the past that when I know the family can't afford even a couple of pounds, it makes me feel terrible. I've had gifts in the past which I suspected were stolen, which makes me feel worse.

1. I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.

1. A very small token, such as one of those tiney boxes from thornton's with just two chocolates in, is a nice way of acknoledging when a teacher has really gone above and beond, for your child, but even that is unnessesary rreally.

Hope I'm not coming across as a scrooge! I love christams, but dread this aspect of it.

Dustin you sound a lovely teacher. Exactly how I hope DDs cards would be recieved.

' but most were just thrown in the skip at the end of term,.'

I have never known that happen in any school I've worked in, or in any colleagues' schools.

I'm a teacher. I've never, ever heard anyone expressing these opinions. How strange.

I would just like to assure any parents of my pupils that a bottle of gin will most certainly not be seen as a bribe.

Though if you include a few bottles of tonic, eye brows may be raised.

I'm afraid I'm with Crabapple. I appreciate the gesture, but small token gifts are much more appreciated than big gestures.

I've received presents that were regifted, went into my children's school fayres for the tombola, went to the back of the cupboard and were forgotten about.

I have a Christmas tree decoration that a child in my first class made out of clay, painted and decorated with glitter. That one goes on our tree every year.

I don't think any less of the parents who don't give me a gift, but do feel quite awkward when I do get given a present (particularly if I don't really like the child/parents or it's from a really difficult child and it's like an apology from the parents). I'm gracious and say thank you but it really isn't necessary.

I understand that parents want to show their appreciation but the best presents have genuinely been (and, perhaps not surprisingly, from parents who were also teachers) cards that have thanked me for my time and commitment to their child and a comment about something their child can now do that they couldn't do before. That's far more important to me.

Akiram. I agree it was a nice idea, I just thought that the teacher wouldn't want some mildly stinky shells that DD collected this year. Of course now I'm wondering if I am wrong . I suppose I could persuade her to part with her 'big' shell - teacher could use it as a paperweight if nothing else!

Morloth, as I have said, I am giving my own observations and experiences. I spell strangkly because I'm dislexic, but I don't spell like this in schoolm, where I am wrtiting proffesional and triple check everythimng, rather than at home wher I am just relaxing andtyping for fun

Gifts that children have made are always appreciated.

There are worse things in the world than having to pretend to be thrilled with an unwanted gift. Besides, you can always donate them somewhere.

I know there are things teachers get multiple items of. I have seen it posted many times, they do not need another scented soap, hand lotion, mug, or chocolates.

I think a £5-£10 vouchers for coffee, music or book shops are a great gift, as they can pass them on if they do not like what the shop sells.

It is a shame that your school threw them away rather than donate to an old folks home, shelter, or similar place.

Can I also say that I've also been given nothing by a number of children other than a smile and a 'Merry Christmas' and that is lovely too?
No one I know has ever kept a tally or felt hurt about not being given something, it has to be natural rather than forced.

This is really really odd.

I have NEVER heard of restrictions like this.
I regularly struggled into school with bottles of wine to distribute and despite working in the PTA and being a governor, NEVER EVER EVER heard anything but slightly blushing gratitude from teachers who were modest and unassuming.

Is this a local authority rule OP? State or independent school? I would like to know the basis of your research before I change my behaviour.

And PS lteve please let that basket of shells go in to school, that's LOVELY :)

Folkgirl I see what you are saying but Crabapple said no gifts and too many cards are meaningless. I don't like that.
LtEve You should definitely let your DD give the gift she wants to, to the teacher who has helped her come on so much. Your daughter sounds fab to think of it.

Yes, lovely your own observations and experiences make you qualified to comment on what people buy you.

Not really seeing why you feel it is appropriate for you to extrapolate from them to telling a couple of thousand other people to not buy gifts for people who they personally want to.

YABU 'to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.'

As other teachers on this thread have disagreed with you.

Ok guys, you've persuaded me! I'll let DD choose what she wants to give, and if that is seashells, so be it!

(I'm smiling here now, instead of worrying about it. That's a good thing!)

I am not a teacher LtEveDallas but if a little girl I knew thought I would like a present of sea shells she had collected and wrapped up for me I would be very happy to recieve them. You would have to be a bit cold hearted not to and by the sounds of it the teacher is question is very kind.

Good.
I love that sort of gift, it's memorable.

Good decision LtEve . I bet your DD will walk into school as proud as anything with her gift for her teacher.

Can we know where the scrooge schools are?

I have worked in schools, I also know a lot of teachers at lots of different schools, BIL and SIL have both worked as teachers (SIL did a lot of supply); and I have never known schools liek those you describe.
Yes there are a suspicious number of "Best Teacher" mugs in the communal cupboard, and chocolates are most appreciated outside of Christmas.
But I'm at least glad you are secondary, as I would hate to think that you would chuck my DCs lovingly created Cookies or other Handcraft straight in the bin.
I also hope you do not teach my older kids as when they choose to give someone a special present, or made a collection for their form teacher's new baby; they would be deeply hurt to hear your ingratitude.
The worst I've heard is a friend who moaned because at her Private school the male teachers all got bottles of wine, but the female ones got Candles.

LtEveDallas Personally, I would find stinky shells that I knew the child collected and treasured, touchingly funny, and would enjoy receiving them. True, I may not keep them, but the thought would always make me smile when I remembered them. I would like that it really was from the child too.

Bit off topic but that reminds me of this cute little story I heard once. Can't remember word by word, but here goes.

One Christmas morning, a mother opened a small, carefully wrapped gift from her young 4 year old son. Inside a small box,on a piece of cotton wool lay coiled a piece of string. Not sure what to say, she looked up, and her young bright eyed son exclaimed excitedly, "Remember that day when you said "Oh how I wish I had a piece of string"?

You just can't beat a gift from the heart.

If they are a bit smelly you could always persuade her to give them a bath first

And as an ex-teacher OP, YABU.

iscream that is a lovely story!
OP where are you vagueley? Inner city? Small town?

I have a question...

Is it bad that I wasn't planning to get a gift at all for DD's reception teacher/TAs? We just can't afford it at all :(

The school is in quite a wealthy area so I think a lot of parents will be giving gifts. I gave gifts to preschool (some puppets, which from what I could see were much more appreciated than chocolate) but we weren't in the Red last year.

Should DD just make a card instead?

I will be getting a leaving gift for her teacher next term as she's leaving to have a baby.

Ponty There have been many years that I can't afford a present for teachers. Didn't even get as far as making a card. DC chose the card for them and also chose what to write eg thanking them for being kind or helping them with reading or writing.
It's all about the thought - and isn't that how it should be?

I don't think that is bad at all PontyMython.

Sorry to hear things are so tight, but I would say you shouldn't worry about it at all.