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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.

562 replies

Crabapple99 · 08/12/2011 05:52

I have seen several threads on the topic, so want to give my point of view and experiences.

  1. Many staff are not allowed to accept a gift above a certain value ( £3 in my school) so these big gifts, especially class gifts, leave staff in a very difficult situation, causing all sorts of paperwork and recording, and leaving us open to accusations of favouratitsm from families, and other allegations
  1. Many staff don't want gifts, quite often the item is unwanted, even edibles, if the box is big, heavy, and we already have too much to eat over christams. It is also embarrassing to have to accept.
  1. Many staff worry about the reason for the gift, especially if it seems some pupils and their parents feel pressure to keep up: I've been given gifts in the past that when I know the family can't afford even a couple of pounds, it makes me feel terrible. I've had gifts in the past which I suspected were stolen, which makes me feel worse.
  1. I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.
  1. A very small token, such as one of those tiney boxes from thornton's with just two chocolates in, is a nice way of acknoledging when a teacher has really gone above and beond, for your child, but even that is unnessesary rreally.

Hope I'm not coming across as a scrooge! I love christams, but dread this aspect of it.

OP posts:
Bathjelly · 19/12/2012 21:12

My DS has a gift for his teacher, and it's very specific for his teacher.I want DS's teacher to have this gift as they have been great with DS, and I want to give them a little something extra to say thank you. I'd be a bit miffed if they had to hand it back, or it ended up in the skip. (I have a teacher friend who was given an iPad- luckily it didn't have to be handed back!)

twizzlestix · 19/12/2012 21:15

I love receiving gifts from my primary pupils. I have been given some lovingly made items which I still use years later. No school in my area has restrictions on gifting (I travel the county in a consulting role) its up to the children/parents and the teacher. I can only imagine the meanness of those you know throwing gifts away! My pupils would be devastated! I have recieved a beautiful hand made jewellery box, a painting by a gifted young girl (made her sign it for the future Grin) homemade soap, a homemade necklace with semi-precious stone. Of course the odd box of choc and bunches of flowers have been given to me and I have gratefully recieved them. I appreciate the fact they represent recognition of my work and relationship with my pupils. The best gift I ever recieved was a notebook full of handwritten (7yr olds) comments about the year they had had a drawings of themselves. 8 yrs on I still have this. So thoughtful and it brought a tear to my eye thinking of the little guys doing it in secret for me.

FfelicitysEyewateringBaubles · 19/12/2012 21:19

That is all.

nannyof3 · 19/12/2012 21:22

Never heard anything so stupid... U sound ungrateful !!!

nannyof3 · 19/12/2012 21:31

I would hate for some of u to be my childs teacher !!!!!!!!

ElectricMonk · 19/12/2012 21:34

Gosh, what a saddening OP - it's such a shame that the culture of some schools leads to teachers feeling so uncomfortable about receiving gifts :(.

I'm a private tutor rather than a teacher, but on the occasions when I have received presents from students and their parents (either for Christmas or as a thank-you when they leave), I've been really touched by the gesture and delighted by the presents themselves. I still have all of the cards, use all of the tins that biscuits came in, remember opening and enjoying the chocolates, and have the gifts themselves. Two of my students bought me a little pink guitar brooch (that looks just like my favourite guitar) which has pride of place in my jewellery box nearly 5 years later, and I regularly use a really sweet David & Goliath mug that one of my more recent students bought me because I once told her how funny I thought her D&G hoodie was.

I hope my teachers felt the same way. My parents bought my Y6 primary teacher a very expensive guitar tuner as a present at the end of the year because he had done his absolute best to make my final year at the school tolerable despite the 6 years of bullying I'd endured there. Considering that he was the only teacher who really believed that it was a problem, gave up a lot of his free time and incurred a lot of grief from the other child's parents in an attempt to solve it, that gift was simply an expression of the very deep gratitude we felt towards him.

I think that the gifts (irrespective of monetary value) are important due to the thought processes involved. Gifts convey appreciation and respect for teachers, who devote a lot more time for their money than they would have to in most other graduate professions. They also serve as an acknowledgement that teachers are not just service providers - they are custodians of the most precious resource our society has, and they are some of the most powerful and lasting role models children will ever have outside of their families. More importantly, choosing and giving gifts to teachers should be recognised as a vital learning experience for the child - it helps them to grow up with the understanding that they should really value their teachers, and it's their first real experience of "giving back" to people outside of the family who have helped them in important ways. When parents take their DC to choose/make the gifts, they teach them that teachers are to be valued rather than taken for granted, and help the child to see the teacher as a whole person with preferences and feelings rather than just as an authority figure. I also remember the warm glow I used to get from choosing or making something I felt the teacher would really like, and seeing him/her opening it - IMO, any tradition that encourages that kind of thoughtfulness and generosity of spirit in young children can should be preserved even if modification (e.g. spending limits) is needed to suit the demographic or culture of the school.

NotWankinginaWinterWonderland · 19/12/2012 21:41

This thread is from last year

I kill threads please let this die or I shall have to keep DS luffly candles

justmyview · 19/12/2012 21:50

OLD THREAD ALERT!

We suggested that anyone who wished to contribute towards gift vouchers could do so & suggested £5 per child or whatever the parents thought reasonable. Most gave £5, a few gave a bit more or a bit less. We raised enough to give each teacher £30 in gift vouchers.

I think it's important not to badger people into making a contribution. Approx half the parents joined in and they seemed happy with the idea

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 21:50

I was just thinking that I was sure we had such rubbish last year. Why resurrect it , Charltonangel?

It was someone jealous because, teaching across the school, she didn't get any presents!

t0lk13n · 19/12/2012 21:53

I had a present today and I was surprised and touched! Ba humbug OP!

t0lk13n · 19/12/2012 21:55

Just read the above that it was a thread from last year....who has the time and energy and the will to resurrect old threads!?

FromEsme · 19/12/2012 21:57

I would rather have some homemade card or wee decoration from a child that the child had picked or made themselves.

I end up giving most of the presents I get away, because I can't eat chocolate. It makes me feel a bit shit to be honest, but what else can I do?

Absolutely no need to give teachers presents when they're from the parent, not the child.

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 22:00

Of course there is no need-but if they like to give them- teachers are not going to have the miserable reaction of OP!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/12/2012 22:02

I saw it was an old thread and went straight to the end, it's still a very relevant topic. I like and agree with your post Electric.

FromEsme · 19/12/2012 22:02

Dunno exotic, I really do not like receiving gifts from parents. Of course I act grateful and say thanks and stuff, but it just seems like a waste of time and money when I know most parents at my school have neither.

Violet77 · 19/12/2012 22:03

We do homemade cards.... cute, free, appropriate :-)

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 22:05

A handmade card with a message written by the DC is best-one that comes straight from the DC and not dictated by the parent.

Greensleeves · 19/12/2012 22:11

Why is it so bad to have a present from the parent, if it is the parent who thinks you have done a great job and wants to wish you a lovely Christmas?

I would cherish anything given to me by a child, especially anything they had made (I have a collection, and some kids' drawings are on my wall)

but equally if a parent felt moved to give me something nice, I would appreciate the gesture as well, although it's not expected (and I am supply at the moment so will be getting bugger all Grin)

I did feel a bit hurt once by my ds2's Y2 teacher. He gave her a painting he had done of her with a lovely message he had written on it, which we had put in a simple frame. We also gave her a wooden spoon with a copper-bound handle and carved end, made by me (we all make stuff in our family and that year we happened to be giving homemade spoons and knives and stuff)

the teacher turned her nose up at my spoon and said "I would rather hace some thing you had made yourself ds2" which she DID, she had the painting from him Sad

Sometimes parents aren't trying to curry favour or buy goodwill, they are just being nice and giving you a token of their esteem, because it's bloody Christmas fgs!

frecklyspeckly · 19/12/2012 22:11

i love dh arriving home with a box full of stuff from his class. we keep all the handmade cards too. Keep em coming! and the hama bead coasters! and the seashells! the only thing i disposed of was the dead crab in the utterlybutterly tub (kind gesture but smelt fishy)

frecklyspeckly · 19/12/2012 22:14

I'd have cherished your handmade spoon greensleeves! (wonders also why whole family can't move in house full of nicknacks)

exoticfruits · 19/12/2012 22:16

I cherish a lot of things-they don't have to cost much.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 19/12/2012 22:21

When you get given presents from children who are still very small, which you do when you work in nurseries and pre schools, presents to staff are always about what the parents think rather than the child.

Those presents are just as much appreciated as something lovely that is handmade by a child old enough to have had the idea themselves.

It's an honour to know that people like the influence you are in their precious children's lives, why wouldn't presents from parents be appreciated?

ChristmasJubilee · 19/12/2012 22:37

Having read all the threads about too many chocolates, dozens of mugs etc. ds3 has made his teacher a lovely card and we have got her a £10 book token. I thought that couldn't go wrong everyone needs a book, but now I'm wondering.

BluelightsAndSirens · 19/12/2012 22:44

Ffs I've just wasted 45 minutes of my life.

Still a load of old bollocks even 12 months later!

HoHoHoMoreBaubles · 19/12/2012 23:08

I haven't read the whole thread as its MASSIVE but I wanted to say...

I found your OP quite offensive. You sound like a miserable, ungrateful and uninspired person. If this is how you think about parents and YOUR STUDENTS showing their appreciation for your work throughout the year, maybe a change in career is in order...to a job where you get no periodical, regular time off, no appreciation from anyone and no prezzie at Xmas from your customer...You should graciously accept your gifts/cards and if you cant muster any want for them, donate the card fronts to craft shops/children's centres for crafts and donate the gifts to shelters/hand them out to local businesses/give something to the post man etc