Wearing rings - but not married

[YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe]

Gah, it's too late to type out a proper question. Recently, an unmarried couple, friends of ours, bought 'wedding rings' to wear. They have no intention of marrying.

What do you think of this - is it like 'playing married' or just a nice sign that they are both 'taken'?

YonderRevolting - I hadn't thought about that but I like the idea of them. I might try one, thanks.

My mum told me to wear a wedding ring after the birth of DC1 (wasn't married) so that I wouldn't look like a slut. I was in a committed relationship for a long time, so I was more than disgusted by her comments.

Personally its their choice and I suppose it shows a level of commitment that they are comfortable with.

'I think it is perceptive of people to deduce that a woman wearing a wedding band on her wedding band finger given to her by her dp is desperate to be married to her dp and her dp has fobbed her off with a token gesture.
It would be highly unusual for both members of the couple to have this bright idea.'

Can I just say that I wear a sparkly ring on the fourth finger of my left hand, in my continued campaign to fob off my DP, who is the one who keeps on and on to get married. I am female. My partner is male. Please can we stop with the assumptions that all unmarried mothers are just longing for some chap to come along and 'rescue' them with the sanctity of marriage????

Hear hear motherinferior. I am strongly anti-marriage (for me, happy for everyone to make their own choices of course) and if my DP proposed marriage to me, I would 100% say no. That doesn't change the fact that I love him and feel deeply committed to him and the ring I wear is a sign of that, for me. I don't care what it means to anyone else.

a sparkly ring isn't a wedding ring. I don't believe that marriage is superior to cohabitation but wearing a wedding ring on wedding finger is a sign of somebody who wants marriage.

I do assume that, when people wear a ring on that finger, they are in a committed relationship, but beyond that, if I don't know them well enough to know more, then that is all I need to know.

Well, it's not always the woman who's pressing for marriage, I can assure you!

Wamster I don't know how my friends (the couple in the OP) made this decision, they just turned up one day with them on - but given that she is divorced and is always very blase about marriage, I doubt it was her.

Personally, in our relationship there was no pushing - I just said to DP, 'X and Y's rings were really nice, weren't they?' and he said, 'yeah, did you think about them for us? - me too!'

So we are. Neither of us wants to be married - really!!

So if you see someone wearing a red poppy what do you think? Or a yarmulke? Or a red ribbon on World Aids Day?

Are they all symbols that it's narrow minded and unimaginative to suppose mean remembrance, Judism and support for people with AIDS because this symbols could mean anything we want them to?

Seeker - it isn't unimaginative to suppose that that's what they probably mean - but it is unimaginative to suggest that this is a reason why other people shouldn't wear them for their own purposes.

I don't imagine my ring-wearing friends would be annoyed if someone assumed they were married, but they probably would be if someone were sniffy about their 'right' to wear rings on that finger.

Am pretty sure you get the point.......

OK.

How many people on here would honestly notice a plain metal band on the 4th finger of somebody's left hand and think "Ah, that might be a wedding ring, but I won't make assumptions bcause I must not be hidebound by tradition"

And how does this tie in with people upthread saying that they sometime wear such rings to ward off unwanted attention?

why choose to display the symbols without the ceremony?

Because they are a symbol of commitment. For a lot of people commitment involves marriage, but these days lots of people choose to commit without getting married. Why should they not demonstrate that commitment in the same way that married couples do?

I've never quite understood this. People want to be "committed" to each other for life, wear "commitment" rings, but don't actually do the thing that makes a legal commitment! You don't have to have the big "do" that people think has to accompany it...just go sign the register with a couple of random witnesses...that shows true commitment ,surely? Then you become each other's legal next of kin and have all the other rights that go with being in a legal partnership.

(Sorry if this has already been mentioned.I didn't read through all 7 pages before feeling compelled to put my my oar in.)

I agree with seeker a 100%. This is NOT-for me at least- about any nonsense about the superiority of marriage to being unmarried, however, it really is daft to think that a wedding band worn on the wedding finger means anything other than marriage!

If two people are happily unmarried (as I accept a lot are), my assumption when I see an unmarried couple wearing wedding bands on the wedding finger is that deep down one of them wants to be married.
For what it is worth, I don't know a single happily unmarried couple who would wear wedding rings. A commitment ring that looks different from a wedding ring? Yes. But not a wedding band.
Being seen as married is important to them-whether they admit it or not.
Sorry, but this 'they mean what we want them to mean' makes no sense at all. It's bullshit.

Symbols are not for the individual wearing them- the person wearing them needs no symbols as they know how they feel, symbols are most definitely for the benefit of other people.
A wedding band worn on the wedding finger is an outward signal to other people that you are married.
I don't give two hoots about the sanctity of marriage-for me it is a legal contract (an important one, though!) and the rest is up to the couple but these unmarried people who wear wedding bands are kidding precisely nobody when they say that they don't want to be, deep down, seen as married.

Deep down I do NOT want to be married!

I wear the plain gold band my mum gave me on the fourth finger of my left hand because that's the finger it fits.

I am vehemently opposed to getting married (for me, that is)

How is that bullshit? Why is that so hard to understand?

If others assume I am married I couldn't care less.

So you don't want to be married. But you deliberately wear something which means everyone will think you are married.

It is complete bullshit to say that "People shouldn't make assumptions". If people didn't make assumptions, society would collapse. We assume someone in a policeman's uniform is a policeman. We assume that the bread we buy isn't poisoned. We assume hundreds of things every day. And nobody. I repeat, nobody would look at a plain band on the 4th finger of somebody's left hand and think " I wonder what that symbolises? Could it be a present from her mother? Her Duke of Edinburgh Gold Award?"

But I don't care about anybody's assumptions, I wear my Great Grandmothers wedding ring on my ring finger as did my Mum and my Gran.

I couldn't give a flying fuck whether people think I am married or that I have a deep longing to be married, that I have robbed a jewellers, that I got it out of a cracker, it's my finger, my ring, my life, my business.

Some people have waaaaaaaaaaay to much time on their hands.

Does anyone really look at peoples left ring finger to check out their marital status? I have honestly never done this. And when asking people if they are married I have never had anyone answer by showing me said finger.

Seeker, it only fits that finger.
If people assume I'm married, so what?

What's your problem?

wherethewildthingsare thanks for making me smile with your wit and eloquence

can not see why it would bother anyone

i have worn a wedding ring abroad when travelling with the ex it made life easier

'Sorry, but this 'they mean what we want them to mean' makes no sense at all. It's bullshit'

How offensive. You are free to think this issue is poncey or wanky or pretentious or not your cup of tea or whatever but I think it shows extraordinary arrogance to claim to know other people's minds better than they do.

I struggle to see why it is in fact any of your business, OP

Maybe you should have considered that idea when you started this thread.

HTH

It's not arrogance at all. But, really, a wedding ring on a wedding finger means marriage to 99.9% of people.
OK, I accept that a wedding-type ring given by a parent or any other person than a partner may not mean an unexpressed desire to marry, but of course it does if the person has been given it by their partner.

I am interested, though, how the 'it can mean anything we want it to mean' people would react if their neighbour put up a huge model of a swastika in the front of their garden (sorry, do not want to give offence, but for the purposes of this thread, I am deliberately choosing something which gives huge offence to most people) ? I would doubt very, very much if their attitude would be 'it can mean whatever they want it to mean'.

A swastika is a symbol of Nazi Germany. I realise its roots are benign but it has come to mean Nazi Germany. And a flat, plain band on the third finger of left hand means marriage.