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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wearing rings - but not married

208 replies

YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe · 07/12/2011 22:07

Gah, it's too late to type out a proper question. Recently, an unmarried couple, friends of ours, bought 'wedding rings' to wear. They have no intention of marrying.

What do you think of this - is it like 'playing married' or just a nice sign that they are both 'taken'?

OP posts:
redwineformethanks · 07/12/2011 23:23

I don't see the point in wearing a wedding ring if you're not married

seeker · 07/12/2011 23:25

A ring on a the wedding ring finger has meant one thing for several centuries. If yo want a symbol of committment wear a ring on a different finger, or a special bracelet or something.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 07/12/2011 23:27

Why? Is it really that offensive to married people? I don't see how it affects anybody else.

Gay40 · 07/12/2011 23:30

DP and I wear wedding ring -type rings. We are not married because as yet, UK law does not allow us to get married and civil partnerships are a piss poor compromise.
So it might be wanky, but so is the law.

sozzledchops · 07/12/2011 23:32

It's not wanky. More wanky to judge them for it.

Ticktock1 · 07/12/2011 23:34

I think you will find a lot more people doing this, marriage is a pretty out dated thing. If you have been amrried and devoriced you may well not wish to do it again but want something to represent your lovong relationship

IneedAChristmasNickname · 07/12/2011 23:36

Gay40 Grin
sozzled I agree!
It's no-ones business but theirs, and they aren't hurting anybody.

Ticktock1 · 07/12/2011 23:36

I think you will find a lot more people doing this, marriage is a pretty out dated thing. If you have been married and devoriced you may well not wish to do it again but want something to represent your loveing relationship. I really don't see what is 'wanky' about that. Also with couples having less and less money a wedding is a big expense that many do not wish to go through.

Ticktock1 · 07/12/2011 23:38

Please ignore my first post! Stupid blackberry!

MamaChoo · 07/12/2011 23:41

Up to them, but I think Spenguin will find that you in fact DO need an authority to declare you 'man and wife' (nice, inequal turn of phrase there). Otherwise, as many people have found to their cost, you simply aren't 'man and wife'. Or, as Gay40 points out, woman and wife or man and husband.

A1980 · 07/12/2011 23:42

One of my best friends is married and doesn't wear a ring, she never wears it. Does that mean her marriage ins't proper.

It's a stupid fucking piece of metal. Why is so muhc importance attached to it.

LulaBear · 07/12/2011 23:43

tick I don't think marriage is an outdated thing. Many people still get married. People are fighting for the right to be married. Not trying to start an argument or anything, just my 2 pence Xmas Smile

Ticktock1 · 07/12/2011 23:51

Lulabear, fair point. I'm in my 20's and really a lot of people I know just have no interest in being married, it can seem a bit like a socitiy inforced ideal, you know, meet someone, get married, have a kid. I don't think everyone feels that represents their life anymore. Its a lovely thought but maybe slightly on the decline. Your 2 pence is worth as much as mine!:)

Gay40 · 07/12/2011 23:53

I probably am making a vague statement...so vague I don't know what it is myself. Something about being attached to DP and not available. Or we liked the design. Or something.

Cherriesarelovely · 07/12/2011 23:58

Gay40 DP and I also wore rings like this before we had our civil partnership ceremony. Agreed it is not exactly the same as being married and we are keen to do it all again if the law changes. The point is though that everyone ought to be able to "define" their relationship in whichever they like.

LulaBear · 08/12/2011 00:03

tick of course your 2 pence does! I really didn't mean to suggest it didn't! Personally, I really like the whole marriage thing myself, and since it has been in the news recently I thought I should mention about some homosexual couples really wanting this (in my opinion) basic right.
And Gay40 I do understand what you mean (if you were referring to me saying about a vague statment). Just saying that couples who choose not to marry using a marriage symbol is a bit ambiguous. Like, I don't really get it.

Ticktock1 · 08/12/2011 00:08

Lulabear, I ment that in a nice way, ha ha sorry! :)

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 08/12/2011 00:11

Lula- it could be for any number of reasons. But if people want to mark their commitment to each other by wearing rings, I really don't see that it's all that nice for other people to be snarky about it- who cares?

Hardgoing · 08/12/2011 00:11

I am married but don't wear my ring as my fingers are now too fat

Who cares, let them wear the rings if they like them, it's far worse when married men deliberately take off their rings to disguise the fact they are married.

lisaro · 08/12/2011 00:13

It's quite sad that they feel the need to 'pretend'.

LulaBear · 08/12/2011 00:24

Lol sorry tick can be over-sensetive at times!
lEttle I don't think I was snarky, certainly not compared to some others. Just said I thought it was vague. Agree with Hardgoing

LulaBear · 08/12/2011 00:26

oops don't want to be misunderstood again, I can be over-sensetive at times!

SolidGoldVampireBat · 08/12/2011 00:29

FFS this has what, exactly, to do with you?

crystaltea · 08/12/2011 00:30

DP and I have rings to show we're in a committed relationship, but we aren't married because the system would screw us financially if we did. I think it's far smarter to do things this way and possibly having people going Hmm, than getting in a financial mess and ending up homeless like friends of mine have done.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 08/12/2011 00:30

I wore a ring for years before I actually married DH. It wasn't an engagement ring (we never planned on ever getting married, we actually only did it in the end because DH had a big panic over the legal side of things when I pregnant with DS1) I guess I wore it as a symbol of sorts, it made me happy and frankly if it irked people well that's their problem really. I can't quite understand why it would, it's my 14th wedding anniversary on Saturday and I still couldn't care less what jewellery other people chose, or don't chose to wear.

Being in a long-term relationship and choosing to acknowledge it with rings parties or tattoos or whatever the hell you want is not pretending to be married. It's a personal acknowledgement of a perfectly valid and legitimate relationship that's equally as committed as one sanctioned by a government department or religious body.