Wearing rings - but not married

[YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe]

Gah, it's too late to type out a proper question. Recently, an unmarried couple, friends of ours, bought 'wedding rings' to wear. They have no intention of marrying.

What do you think of this - is it like 'playing married' or just a nice sign that they are both 'taken'?

what mrs just said

Why shouldn't they wear rings as a public symbol of commitment.
I'm sure we all know very stable couples who have no intention of marrying, that have stayed together far longer than many marriages.
One friend says that marriage just doesn't feel right because her parents divorced very unpleasantly when she was a child. It doesn't make her any less committed to her DP.

Why pretend to be married?

It isn't necessarily pretending- there are all sorts of reasons why people might not want or be able to get married, but might want a symbolic gesture personally.

dancingmustard, how exactly do you know they are "pretending to be married"? They may as well wear them as "commitment for life" symbol without having to go through any ceremony. Or they may just like them!

They just happen to be symbols of marriage?
Merely coincidental that what look like wedding rings and are bought as wedding rings are indeed not really wedding rings.
Tooth fairy anyone?

I started wearing a wedding ring when I moved to South Korea, and after that when I moved to the Middle East. Helped fend off unwanted male attention.

I wear a wedding ring sometimes, usually when travelling alone outside Europe.

In some parts of the world a single woman travelling does not get the same respect as a married one.

I see no problem with it, they are commited to each other and rings tell the outside world you are not available.

I know what other people choose to do shouldn't bother me, but this does make me feel a bit . I am probably over sensitive though because I only married my husband a few months ago, and it was a big deal to us to exchange the rings in the ceremony and wear them afterwards.

I get that people might want to wear a symbol of some sort but why make it the same symbol as one belonging to a commitment that they haven't actually made?

As an aside, we are in our twenties, and marriage still seems to be very popular, in our social circle at least.

sozzled and SGVB - The couple in question is not me and my partner, but we are thinking of doing this too, which is why I asked.

Personally I don't see it as 'pretending to be married' at all - and don't really care if others see it that way - I was just curious as to what other people would really think of this.

We are thinking of getting wooden rings which will look different enough from 'real' wedding rings and are much less tacky

Wooden rings

CaptainW it's a good question, and I guess for us, two reasons -

1. rings have actually been used for centuries as a way of memorialising commitments to people - e.g. in the C18th and C19th wearing rings 'for' dead family members (mourning rings) was very common. Or wearing family/ signet rings for upper-class men. I think it's only fairly recently that the memorial function of rings has become limited to marriage.

1. Also, it 'send a signal'. I don't know if it's coincidence or not but my friends started doing it after one of them heard the other being spoken about by some mutual acquaintances in a way which suggested that they were 'up for grabs', not realising that they were in a relationship with X (if that makes sense!!). They are very discreet about their relationship as they work for the same organisation. So I guess in part for them this is a 'signal'. For DP & I, I think it'd just be a nice gesture.

My parents were married for 27 years and didn't have rings.

I think it's really sweet!

Genuinely and at people that are calling it "wanky" and "stupid."

In the US don't they exchange rings as a sign of "going steady." (Someone else mentioned "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to," I don't think that's an engagement ring it's talking about.)

I hsve no desire to be married, the thought makes me vomit (we don't believe in forever, if it happens great but we will only be together while we are happy)

I wear afn eternity that looks a bit like awedding ring, white gold band with 3 diamonds in. I wear it as I like it and the kids are our commitment and I got the ring after them. It shows that I'm 'reserved' as it was lol

Right I'm back off to wanky world

You think a wedding ring is less tacky than a wooden ring?

I think if you want to wear a wooden ring for your own reasons, then that's lovely, but you have no need to slag off something that means a great deal to a lot of other people.

I couldn't care less. I just hope they don't get narky when other people assume that they are married, as it is a symbol of being married.

Yonder thanks for taking time to explain. Those other rings you mention though, aren't the same as wedding rings and aren't often worn on the third finger of the left hand. I hand rings before I was married (lost them all ) but I never wore them on that finger.

A wooden ring does sound kinda cool - though I'd be worried about destroying it in some way knowing me!

Hand? Had!

I've met 2 women who did this, mainly to stop unwanted male chat up attention.

slave chill, I was kidding partially and given that my choice has been called wanky & stupid and I have taken it with a pretty good grace, no need to get het up. Personal taste, I just don't like gold!

CapnW yeah the thing about wooden ones is they don't last forever (I'm told) and you do need to periodically renew them, which I kind of like. Other friends of ours who have them - who are actually married - have a little ceremony thing ever few years where they get new ones made of different woods. It's all about renewing a kind of 'living' commitment for them. Plus they are much cheaper than metal rings so if you lose one it's not such a big deal. I think they are normally hardwood so pretty durable.

Anyhow, not judging others at all, honestly, just curious to see what people would secretly be thinking about me if I do this - interesting responses!!

Captain, who says unmarried couples haven't made a commitment? You are young and just married, i know of unmarried couples who have been together 20 plus years and have the house, the kids and the dog. I think they have shown they are committed. Only time will tell, whether you are properly married or not.

My objection is not that it's insulting to married people.

What irks me is that I am frequently told by people on here, people in RL and politicians that my 30 year monogamous relationship is somehow less valid than a two year marriage. And here are people in a way endorsing that view by saying "well, we're not going to get married, but we're going bow to the societal pressure and pretend we are"

Fair enough Yonder.

I think people that think it's wanky are probably not completely hapy with their own choices or marital status. So their opinion on what someone else does is worth nothing.

Someone who is genuinely happy with their own wedding ring/commitment ring/lack of wedding or commitment ring, will have no reason to think anyone elses way of symbolising their relationship is anything other than lovely. If a couple are in a loving relationship, what's not to be happy about? I suspect that those who judge would prefer something different to what they have.

Likewise, people who try to devalue a 30 year relationship really don't know what they are talking about. No one else apart from the couple involved knows the truth about that relationship, so they have no basis on which to make an accurate judgement. It becomes another worthless opinion.

And here are people in a way endorsing that view by saying "well, we're not going to get married, but we're going bow to the societal pressure and pretend we are"

I would suspect that for most people it has nothing at all to do with societal pressure and a lot more to do with a variety of personal reasons. It could be as simple as just wanting to have a pretty diamond ring, as it is for one of my friends. The whole point is that it is personal, so there will be many reasons why people do or don't wear rings.

Oh here we go!< gets out bingo card>

" I suspect that those who judge would prefer something different to what they have."

You suspect wrong!

Then why would you bother to have a negative opinion on someone elses choice when that choice harms no one and makes them happy?

I genuinely don't understand why a person would be negative about someone elses choice when it has nothing to do with them. It's nice to be nice, why can't we just support others choices without making negative judgements?