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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some women don't like other women because they are pretty?

400 replies

RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 20:48

I really struggled with this at school, girls didn't like me much and I could never work out why, looking back it is because I was very pretty (I'm not syaing I'm better than anyone else or the most beautiful woman in the world btw). I did have some very good girlfriends but was never accepted into groups of girls. I found this a lot throughout my life and it used to really get me down.

I have noticed it reared it's head at the school gates again, it has taken me a good few years to be accepted by the other mums, being shy doesn't help either.

AIBU to think this is something that often women (obvioulsy not all women!) don't like other women who they think are pretty??

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 07/12/2011 22:01

Hecate - I love you

Get0rf · 07/12/2011 22:02

Oh all right then bof I can only say 5 german swearwords. Wink

But they are the worst ones Grin

OriginalChristmasPoster · 07/12/2011 22:02

I am unusual in that I don't have any hang ups about my body or face. I put it down to working in medicine when you see all shapes, sizes and disfigurements, and came to the conclusion that I was perfectly normal at a young age.

I honestly have no idea where I stand on the physical attractiveness scale, would say that as a married woman who doesn't go out on my own much, I don't get much feedback. I presume if you're extremely beautiful people would tell you all the time?

GettinTrimmer · 07/12/2011 22:02
Xmas Grin
droves · 07/12/2011 22:03

I usually find other good looking people are really really nice to me !

But have been accused of " thinking I'm something " or " loving myself" , by regular looking women.

.... It's called grooming daaahlings Grin

ouryve · 07/12/2011 22:04

I never had any time for other girls who made a point about telling me how pretty they were, or I wasn't. I simply had (and have) different priorities.

MeltedAdventCalendarChocolates · 07/12/2011 22:04

I think this does exist more than people would like to admit :o

SinicalSal · 07/12/2011 22:05

MUM VOICE - if they're shallow enough to hate you because of your looks you are better off without them.

Sassybeast · 07/12/2011 22:05

YABU and YANBU Grin

Some women have an issue with others being pretty. Some women have an issue with the women who like everyone to hear how being pretty causes them no end of issues and how all their friends husbands fancy them and how utterly tiresome it is to be gargeooousss...

I am stunning natch 'flicks hair and re adjusts lippy again'

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 07/12/2011 22:05

I love you too, shirl Grin

happybubblebrain · 07/12/2011 22:06

Women seem to like me much more now that I'm fatter and uglier (and older). I think your theory has some truth in it.

happybubblebrain · 07/12/2011 22:08

And men like me less.

Which is fine with me.

Feminine · 07/12/2011 22:08

original yes, if you are considered beautiful people normally tell you.

Its a nice thing to hear (I have to be honest)

Earlier, you asked how one knows that they are attractive ...for me I used my looks for work.

Although I think, for my job (model) it was more important to be photogenic.

CamperFan · 07/12/2011 22:09

YANBU OP, but as you say, it is not all women. personally I find myself drawn to the pretty ones (not in a sexual way I might add), I have so many gorgeous friends! But none of them are vain.

droves · 07/12/2011 22:09

Ouryve , I never really had time for anyone who made a point of telling me how pretty I was ....that's a judgement on something I had no control over ( accident of genetics ) , and I'd much rather people told me I was clever ,or talented ...because they were things I'd worked at . Iykwim .

I tried really hard to be clever .... It just didn't work out for me .

Grin
SantasENormaSnob · 07/12/2011 22:10

The worst type are those that blabber on about their looks, who chatted them up, what film star they get compared too yadda yadda.

A lot of my friends are very attractive but don't harp on about it.

Pishtushette · 07/12/2011 22:12

In my experience the good looking people, whether male or female, are always more popular. People find them attractive so they are drawn to them and I believe some people get a boost to their self esteem if an attractive person likes them/pays them some attention.

Youllbewaiting · 07/12/2011 22:12

'I don't think it's just women who dislike pretty girls. I think men hate them too because they feel the women have power over them.'

I'm a man, and I've never heard anything like that being ever mentioned or intimated.

Esta3GG · 07/12/2011 22:12

if they're shallow enough to hate you because of your looks you are better off without them

And if you are shallow enough to believe people hate you solely because of your looks then they are better off without you.

It's so simple.
Thinking you are pretty and lovely is fine.
Thinking that the only reason people don't connect with you is because they are jealousy of your pretty face is beyond silly.
There are so many other traits that make people incredibly unappealing. Vanity for starters.

daveywarbeck · 07/12/2011 22:13

but do you wear over the knee socks and hotpants to do the school run, droves?

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 07/12/2011 22:13

I think if you're shy and don't say much people assume you are up yourself and can't be bothered with them. (I'm not saying you are either of these things btw). That is probably more likely the reason why people might seem off with you. Although yes some women are threatened by women who are stunning.

FWIW I have nothing against lookers. I do have an issue with those who know they are very attractive and use it to score points, both female and male. Like the gorgeous but arrogant waitress who basically rested her tits on my DP's head while turning her back to me, and ignored ym request for another drink, in the vain hope of getting a bigger tip (she seemed to be doing it will all the men she was serving). Unfortunately for her, it was a birthday treat for my DP so I was paying. I didn't leave any tip whatsoever.

pictish · 07/12/2011 22:14

"J"

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 07/12/2011 22:15

Also girls have always hated me. And I'm not pretty. So your theory doesn't tally with me Smile

JeremyVile · 07/12/2011 22:18

Those of you who have said you feel other women dont like you because you are attractive (consistently, in more than 1 setting/group) - what do you make of the studies that repeatedly conclude that attractive people are more popular and liked?

And what about in school? I went to MANYMANYMANY different schools and the popular girls were always pretty, always. Was that not the case in your schools?

CheerfulYank · 07/12/2011 22:20

I used to be pretty. Or not really, but convince people I was, which amounts to the same thing. :o I remember one girl being mean to me because of it, but she was probably just a bee-yotch generally.

But I do have a friend who's a real stunna, and women are often bitchy to her. I've seen it happen. But she's one of the nicest, most down to earth people you'll ever meet, so she generally brings them round. Her husband is also very good looking and very kind, but extraordinarily shy. People think he's full of himself, but he's honestly just shy.