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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think my daughter should be made to use a changing room..

435 replies

hairnets · 04/12/2011 22:34

When getting changed after swimming with her Dad?

He told me today that she received a telling off ("major roasting" were his words) for refusing to use her own changing room after he took her swimming. He felt that it wasn't appropriate for her to get changed out in the open because there were other men about in the room.

She's 5.

I obviously think he's BU and I know exactly why I do but interested in what others think before I bang on about why he's BU - If that makes any sense!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 14:59

Yes, inferior, but also as wanton temptresses who lead men astray by flaunting their naked bodies about the place.
I wish I didn't have to leave her open to that mentality either, but I guess she has two parents and who's to say I have more rights than him.

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 05/12/2011 15:07

piglet I now have this image of people inspecting their fanjo creases with everyone in reception getting an eye full

Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:09

... wondering what I've been missing all these years as it seems that a lot more naked time is being had in swimming pool changing rooms than in my world...

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:12

Imagining that no one even noticed my little girl getting changed until her dad made a huge scene at which point there would have then been an ebarrassed and confused child and a load of men wondering who this buffoon was who was publically accussing them of all being potential child molestors.

Women can be in to naked children too... should we be hiding our naked little girls from other women? what about our sons? Do we hide naked 5 year old boys away from women in changing rooms!? I am so confused and exhausted by this now! Xmas Confused but also feeling festive.

OP posts:
teenswhodhavethem · 05/12/2011 15:13

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2011 15:13

Send him up to scotland to live, hairnets. Most of the time it is too bloomin' chilly up here to get nekkid. Nudity up here involves stripping down to your second-to-last set of thermal undies.

Disclaimer - I may be exaggerating a bit here, but it is snowing, the house is chilly and I have a headache and may be a lot bit grumpy.

teenswhodhavethem · 05/12/2011 15:14

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Moominsarescary · 05/12/2011 15:18

Maybe we should all go together, I'm sure nobody would notice your dd, what with me trying to hide my over hang, piglet having a good dry of her fanjo and dooin's daughter shouting

Look at that lady's wobbly belly,
Mummy why is that lady rubbing her fanjo like that
Look at that mans big googlies

Moominsarescary · 05/12/2011 15:20

Actually all the men would probably leave pretty sharpish

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2011 15:23

Seems a bit rough on the men, Moomins!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2011 15:24

(having to finish getting dressed out in Reception, I mean).

Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:25

"for their own protection" In case they were accused of molesting her in a swimming pool changing room, with other men and her dad present..!?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2011 15:28

Well - maybe in case her dad accused them of leering at his dd or staring at her in a creepy way, hairnets. Tbh, if he believes all men are paedos, isn't it pretty likely that he might decide that some innocent bloke is 'looking at her wrong', and start throwing accusations around?

teenswhodhavethem · 05/12/2011 15:30

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:34

Cringe... that is sooo the sort of thing he would do!

OP posts:
Wamster · 05/12/2011 15:37

hairnet, you are exasperating; yes, chances are that there were no perverts in that changing room, however, given the amount of coverage perverts receive, your ex cannot be blamed for being fearful. It puzzles me why you cannot grasp this obvious point.
Your belief that all men are good is naive and, frankly, really worrying. It's as if you live in cloud cuckoo land or something.

Your ex was over the top, why don't you just explain this to him? Just say: 'Look , I know you love dd, but you need to be more balanced about things' Seems to me that you just want to slag the poor guy off. So what if he reads Zoo or Nuts? I wouldn't go out with a 'lad/bloke' (not my type) but you did so get over it.

Crabapple99 · 05/12/2011 15:39

you do need to be very careful in sport's centres,I've worked with a lot of peodophiles who have told me this is their main hunting ground. A cafe opposite our local swimming pool was closed because it had become a venue for peodophiles to sit, watching out of the window, selecting victims as they walked into the building across the road, noting who thye were with, etc.

samstown · 05/12/2011 15:41

I that the fact that this was posted in AIBU (when the OP is blatantly not asking!) and the fact that she was ranting about rape responsibility by her second post, says to me that the OP just posted this for a reaction and to start a bit of a bunfight.

Oh and I have said it before, I shall say it again, I heart Worraliberty (in a non stalker fashion of course!).

pigletmania · 05/12/2011 15:42

Xmas Grin yes they do need a good dry when wet. If it was a communal area, I could almost hear the wispers 'I wonder what she is doing under that towel'. Yes I do take dd to change in a cubicle in a female changing room too, I guess some people are more liberal than others, there is nothing wrong with that.

Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:52

Wamster - I was 21 and had a few good shags with a neanderthal! The thought that I should agree with all of his opinions and suck up his chauvenistic attitude for ever more, to the detriment of my DD, is frankly the only exassperasting thing being mentioned here.

I do not think all men are good (although weirdly I've now been accussed of thinking all men are wankers as well as good and pure simultaneously) What i am saying is, rapists/ child molestors/ good/ pure or not, it is not my daughters responsibility to adjust her own modesty or behaviour accordingly. As Scarlett said up the thread,
"Getting changed wherever whenever has absolutely nothing to do with keeping any child or adult safe AKMD.That's why the OP compared the situation to women being blamed for rape. Safety has nothing to do with where you take your clothes off"

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:54

Crabapple99 so they watched them regardless of whether they were naked or not?
Her dad was with her, she was in no danger, naked or otherwise, of anything other than someone taking a mental picture for wank fodder. Which to be quite honest is of less concern to me than her growing up to think she is repsonsible for keeping men's urges at bay.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:57

samstown my motivation for posting was to gauge if my gut reaction to this was in line with hwat others would think. I knew it would be split a bit but i had no idea that so many people wouldn't feel the same way as me. But I do have very strong views on this. Anyway, as the thread has continued it has become apparent that opinion is devided almost 50/50 so it has been interesting.

I was never going to use it o back up any arguement with him as I said all along that i wouldn't raise it with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 15:57

And what's with "she" and "the op"? I am still here...

OP posts:
Crabapple99 · 05/12/2011 16:05

hairnet, I was just saying there may well be men in ANY swimming pool changing area who intend harm, don't want to sound paranoid, just speaking from proffesional experience.

Original poster
hairnets · 05/12/2011 16:06

Of course there are. But here was no risk to DD as dad with her.

OP posts: