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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if its fair that some forces children get fees paid at private schools?

290 replies

scruffybird · 04/12/2011 16:47

A few old friends of mine have their children at good private boarding schools due to ninety percent of the fees being paid for by the forces. I am perfectly aware that I may be being unreasonable for even questioning this, but it just seems wrong?
One of the girls has gone to a school hundreds of miles away from where her family live so that she would be eligible.

OP posts:
MrsHeffley · 05/12/2011 10:51

So should people on benefits not get support then as they know what they're getting into before?Traveller children get educational support,why not forces kids?

WhoIsThatMaskedWoman · 05/12/2011 11:01

People who join the army know that they will be required to move - they also know that continuity of education allowances are available where necessary - that's what the package is. It's like saying that people who work nights and weekends shouldn't get paid extra because they signed up to work those hours - yes they did, but they signed up in the knowledge that those hours carry a premium.

You could decide that the allowance wouldn't be avaiable to new joiners, but would you want to lose so many staff when they came to a certain point in their life?

loopydoo · 05/12/2011 11:03

LtEve I also thought it was about 90% and I'm a forces wife.

We actually don't send our children to public school and have moved every 2 yrs or less since they were born but that's because we cannot bear to be away from them.

OP some people this way because they do not want their DHs to weekly commute (we chose the weekly commute). The weekly commute thing nearly broke our family apart; it just wasn't right for us so now DH is considering leaving the forces as he just doesn't want to commute but we won't send the kids to board.

Saying that, I whole heartedly disagree with the amount of school fees paid to serving personnel. It can be well over a million pounds per family say if they have 3 or 4 chidlren and they all go to board aged 8. That money, we feel could be better spent elsewhere in the forces; supporting regiments.

I think realistically, fees paid by the forces should much reduced.

MrsHeffley · 05/12/2011 11:07

You would loose many high quality staff and what a waste after paying for years of training.

Also Knitted the 2nd WW was what 6 years long and people had to join up. Perhaps your neighbour would have felt differently if his entire working life was spent in the forces and his kids were moved continuously throughout their childhood or indeed if he had come back from the war aged 19 with both legs blown off. Great if he thinks he'd have coped getting a job and providing for himself/his family severely disabled,not all people are as strong,I know I wouldn't be.

KatAndKit · 05/12/2011 11:18

I used to work in a Service Children's Education school abroad. It was a good school but was very small. Most of the children of the less well paid ranks attended this school as their parents could not afford the 10% of the school fees for their 3 children.

Another issue is the possibility of moving country in the middle of a GSCE or A level course. With all the different qualifications and exam boards this can be a massive disruption. The soldier is not able to say "sorry I can't move to Germany/Cyprus as my daughter is in the middle of year 10". Starting boarding school age 14 solves this problem. I taught a number of children who had to move in the middle of their GCSEs. As we were a very small school, we did not have the staffing to offer all the options that they had been able to start back home. This had a detrimental effect on their education.

A similar problem existed in the sixth form. When there are only about 30 sixth formers it is hard to provide the full range of options that they would have in a UK school. If they were not able to choose to board, this would perhaps limit their Higher Education options.

A large proportion of children did move with their families, especially primary aged children. They got a lot out of the experience of being posted abroad and they received a good state funded education in Forces Schools. But there are circumstances where this would not work for everyone. As I said earlier, a lot of people take their children with them. Also not all postings have a secondary school available so boarding is the only option.

LtEveDallas · 05/12/2011 12:05

Bollocks - typed a huge post and MN went offline.

I stepped away from this thread yesterday as I was feeling crap enough after losing a mate, reading the 'hired killers' bollocks was enough to make me blow a gasket - so I withdrew.

I'm so glad to have come back today and read the more intelligent, reasoned and less antagonistic posts. Scaryteacher - excellent and measured as always Smile

Loopy - I just didnt explain myself properly. CEA is 90% of fees up to a maximum of £XXXX whichever is less - not (as assumed by the OP) 90% of all fees - if that was the case surely Eton would be full of mil kids.

The 'better' schools are nowhere near the £XXXX bracket, so the forces person has to top-up. Schools aimed at Military Children (like Duke of Yorks) are closer, but not considered as good. I have a number of personnel here that qualify and have children at Boarding Schools - every single one of them pays more than 10% - a couple way, way more.

I think your example of 4 children all boarding at 8 yrs is unrealistic and unlikely. For one, CEA is accounted for every year and every posting. It's not a 'right' and the forces person still has to qualify yearly. They dont just plonk their kids in boarding schools from 8 to 18 you know - and as most service personnel move on every 2-3 years they are unlikely to qualify at every posting.

Knittedbreast: you know whats expected of you and what life will be like and you made the choice to go into it If you think that do you also think it of someone who has a child if they are on benefits? I dont see the difference - they would also know what life will be like. Do you really think the children should suffer because of a decision by a parent? I think that is a terrible attitude.

OP: Now that you have qualified your 'friends' circumstances (lets be honest here, she's not really a friend is she - does she know what you think of her?) I would applaud her actually for looking ahead. There are only 2 SCE Secondary Schools in Cyprus and one is not good at present - lots of problems. I certainly would not send DD there. Maybe she has been informed of this and has decided to do the best for her DC's education, and that best is not sending them to a bad school when there is a better option. This school will hopefully be able to turn it around, and then DC can join their parents. I too am surprised at your ignorance of the situation considering your military past.

goinggetstough · 05/12/2011 12:09

LtEve sorry to hear you lost a friend.

LtEveDallas · 05/12/2011 12:23

goinggetstough, thankyou, I appreciate it. He wasn't a close friend, but was a Regimental Legend! He was bloody lovely to me during a time when I was at my worst - I will never forget that, never forget him. DH feels the same. His funeral is going to be bloody hard on all of us Sad

miSaltireandwine · 05/12/2011 15:13

LtEve - sorry to hear about your loss. That must be really hard,and it's shit too.
I don't do hugs, on here at all,and as I said in an earlier post, I don't get offended or outraged by threads, but the "hired Killers" phrase really angered and offended me too.
SO for you

herbietea · 05/12/2011 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LtEveDallas · 05/12/2011 16:20

Saltire, herbie, thank you - it means a lot. As ever he was someone with everything to live for - such a waste. I feel a bit guilty for derailing the thread now Blush but it has helped to see how many posts on this thread are in support of the mil (or at least don't resent forces children getting a decent education) - a welcome change to the usual direction these threads go in...

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 05/12/2011 16:36

What's the problem? Offering discounted boarding to give children stability in education sounds totally reasonable to me.

It's always astounded me how good our military is given how little we actually spend on the people in it. We have them buying their own kit FFS!

nikon1968 · 05/12/2011 17:09

I have not read most of it since my previous post.................as you all seem to patting each other on the back. I will find another thread that I read a while ago and lots of people had similar views to me regarding forces and boarding school but they are not bothering with this thread, I wish I took the same course.

Just to add the tv licence is optional it is not the law that you have a tv set.

Dillydaydreaming · 05/12/2011 17:20

Another post in support, my brother has been all over the world and for a long time his DD attended one school and then another and then another. Once she was in sensior school though it became more of an issue as she was simply not getting any stability - once that happened they took up the support and my DN had three fab years in a boarding school which allowed her to study and pass exams. She just would not have got that stability following them around - I think the army paid 90% of the costs and the rest of it was topped up by my brother and his wife.

jcscot · 05/12/2011 17:48

Nikon - that would be the thread that basically said that Forces personnel should not have kids, no?

How lovely for you that you feel more at home there.

madwomanintheattic · 05/12/2011 17:56
Grin how lovely for us that there are so many who feel we shouldn't breed. lucky, lucky us.
nikon1968 · 05/12/2011 18:07

madwoman.................I am pleased that you can check on your kids and they are close to you or did you do it by skype?

MrsHeffley · 05/12/2011 18:10

Nikon I think you need to stop.I'm well aware in your eyes I shouldn't exist but for many forces families Christmas can be a tough time.A little compassion wouldn't go amiss,you don't know who is reading this or what they're going through.

LtEveDallas · 05/12/2011 18:12

Checks on the child currently sitting on top of me. Yep, she's fine.

(this sort of thread always brings out that sort of person)

nikon1968 · 05/12/2011 18:13

OK I will stop, shame as I do like to discuss stuff but hey ho moving on.

MrsHeffley · 05/12/2011 18:15

You're not discussing you're just being nasty.Normally in a discussion you listen to other people's points of view too.

nikon1968 · 05/12/2011 18:19

I have listened but I don't agree.

So do you suggest I just agree and slink away?

nikon1968 · 05/12/2011 18:19

I am slinking anyway so over and out.

forceslover · 05/12/2011 18:23

Well fellow forces wives, I've joined today in support of you! I have 3 daughters in boarding school and a hubby in Afghanistan! I will give no explanation as to why my girls are away but they are, it is feck all to do with anyone except me and hubby who make the decisions!
Nixon, is trying to be smug and superior but she is really just coming across as petty and small minded.

Military wives are the best in the world, WE ROCK - even Gareth Malone knows that!

GingerWrath · 05/12/2011 18:57

waves hello forceslover bloody hell when us lot get riled we rally round!