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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if its fair that some forces children get fees paid at private schools?

290 replies

scruffybird · 04/12/2011 16:47

A few old friends of mine have their children at good private boarding schools due to ninety percent of the fees being paid for by the forces. I am perfectly aware that I may be being unreasonable for even questioning this, but it just seems wrong?
One of the girls has gone to a school hundreds of miles away from where her family live so that she would be eligible.

OP posts:
GingerWrath · 04/12/2011 19:48

Therein lies the difference RockStock, you were in OFA which are fairly standard IME. They chuck us lowlife lower ranks in any old hovel! Grin

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 04/12/2011 19:49

Ginger Grin

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 04/12/2011 19:51

goinggetstough

"OK line but she has to live in Germany with her husband"

OK, I stand corrected. I thought it was her choice to follow her husband there.

GingerWrath · 04/12/2011 19:51

Honestly, the house we are in now was built in 1991, so why the hell it has a 1970's avacado green kitchen and a serving hatch to the dining room is beyond me!

goinggetstough · 04/12/2011 19:53

She has to be with her husband to claim CEA and in her case Germany. She can't be told to go but depending on her husband's job she might be encouraged to go to support him in his job.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 04/12/2011 19:53

Oh yeah - I remember the hatches! Avocado Green hey, luvverly Hmm

GingerWrath · 04/12/2011 19:54

Fablon is my friend!

Graciescotland · 04/12/2011 19:57

I knew someone whose Mum became disabled when he was five and his Dad left the army. She died when he was eight and the army recalled the father, he didn't have a choice but to go back in.

Boarding school or being taken into care. Not much of a choice there really.

herbietea · 04/12/2011 19:58

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hf128219 · 04/12/2011 19:59

CEA is, as has already been said, for 'continuity of education'.

As a Forces Wife I have moved 10 times in the last 15 years - if I had had dc then would 10 different schools be a sensible option?

DownbytheRiverside · 04/12/2011 20:01

'But you dont have to live in married quarters buy a house.'

Buy a house every two years in a country or an area you don't know?
When I was a FB, the minimum posting notification we got was two weeks. That was barely enough time to fit in all the shots required, let alone fussing about real estate.

jcscot · 04/12/2011 20:02

We married in 2000 and by the time we bought our own home in 2006 we'd notched up seven houses. Not great for continuity of education there.

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 20:06

I'd happily contribute to this from my taxes. Equally I'd happily contribute to public sector pensions (not that I do), but apparently that isn't a perk of the job anyone should receive...

DownbytheRiverside · 04/12/2011 20:08

Maybe we ought to form a little squad and go stomping into threads with mummies whiffling about friendships and playdates and bullying and yell 'Suck it up you civvie softies'

DownbytheRiverside · 04/12/2011 20:09
GingerWrath · 04/12/2011 20:09

We can't afford a mortgage, I am a SAHM as there are no jobs available here, when we are posted in a couple of weeks I will start looking for employment, but we will still be 2 hours away from where we want to be. DD is only Yr1 and I feel terrible about moving her from a brilliant school and all her friends in the middle of the year.

When it comes to secondary we will seriously think about boarding if it will be better for her education, I want her to have the continuity of education that I never had. I would miss her like crazy but can't screw up her future by being selfish.

Jux · 04/12/2011 20:11

My relative was in the army; he was abroad for most of my life, with his wife. He retired about 20 years ago. His children could have been shunted from pillar to post, while he was stationed in places like North Africa, Aden, Gibraltar, Cyprus, (those are the one's I remember) or they could have boarded in England and got a good education and become useful members of society.

It was not an easy choice for any of them. Away from your parents, often for the school holidays too, farmed out among relatives, maybe not seeing your mum or dad for the whole of the academic year.

For the parents, well he knew his kids were safe at least. She knew the schools were good at least. I don't know why she was with him, but I know she didn't have a choice about it. I don't think she was delighted about her kids being away at school and not even being able to see them at half terms, or take them out for the odd w/e.

I think the parents make a massive sacrifice, having their children sent away like that.

jcscot · 04/12/2011 20:13

Ginger, we feel the same. I don't know if we can do the commuting thing for the rest of my husband's service. He's on a Reg C and had 17 years left so a move back to MQs is very likely with boarding school probable for secondary age.

It's not the ideal but it would perhaps be the best thing for our children.

nikon1968 · 04/12/2011 20:18

The parents make the sacrifices and the children just have to live with them.

GINGER Will you rent all your life then, if you cannot afford a mortgage now how you manage when the forces life is over.?

herbietea · 04/12/2011 20:21

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alemci · 04/12/2011 20:21

I remember being at school with several girls whose fathers were in the forces or foreign office etc. They were boarders and it was quite rotten for them as they couldn't go home for half term and had to stay in the boarding houses.

I think it is fair enough and it is like a perk and part of the job.

the boarding no longer exists at this school so maybe there isn't as much demand and funding for the forces now.

GingerWrath · 04/12/2011 20:21

jcscot I think the misconception is that the wife sends her children to boarding school so she can have her DH all to herself. That couldn't be further from the truth. It's all heavily thought out what is best for the children.

My DH is 6 weeks off qualifying for his pension (22yrs), but in the RAF he has been allowed to sign on for 30 with a view to staying in til retirement (if he makes the right rank). He could earn 3 times what he does now on civvy street, but with the economy being as it is, is it worth taking the risk and leaving the security behind?

GingerWrath · 04/12/2011 20:25

nikon When the time comes when we can put down roots, I will be working (a professional job), DH will receive a lump sum, and will be highly employable, and we will have a period of grace where we can house hut whilst he does his resettlement courses.

We DID own a house, before DD, he got posted 4 hours away, I could not go with him due to my job and it nearly ended our marriage. House got sold and we vowed not to buy again til he leaves.

dizzyblonde · 04/12/2011 20:25

For the first time ever I haven't read the whole thread, shame on me, but I would just like to say as a public sector worker I have absolutely no problem with our armed forces getting all the support they need in whatever area they need it.
I am just grateful that there are people out there who are prepared to do a job which I am too much of a coward to do.It may be a choice these days but thank God there are people who are prepared to make the sacrifice. Those who make horrible comments such as I have read on this thread will of course, be prepared not to benefit from the defence of our country in the event of a direct attack.

I work with many ex-service personnel and am immensely priviliged to do so.

GingerWrath · 04/12/2011 20:28

dizzy I need a like button for your post Smile