Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be outraged that DH has been to a strip club? May contain TMI

233 replies

KiwiJean · 04/12/2011 10:40

AIBU?

DH had a work Christmas party on Friday night. He rocked up boozed, at 4.30am. Stayed in bed until after 10am (we have two children under 3years old).

Anyway, when I was tiding up his clothes, noticed that they smelt strongly of perfume. I asked him why later that night. He said that the girls coats were all piled on top of his, so that must be why his coat smelt of perfume. I said that it was his clothes that smelt, not his coat. And it transpired he had been to a strip club.

His jeans really reek of perfume, so while he's denying it, he's obviously had a few lap dances. I'm not happy about this. But the real clincher is that this morning while I was putting on the washing, I noticed that his undies had gis in them! He had tried to rinse them, as they were all wet, but the evidence was clearly still there.

I am not happy that he's paid some stripper to rub herself up against him, and I am def not happy that he's got carried away! I don't even know if he didn't pay extra for a happy ending.

He says the gis is from a wank after he got home, but I doubt that every much. Why would you do that in your underpants?!

I feel my trust in him has been betrayed. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 05/12/2011 16:34

GOD I saw one male stripper in my life (involuntarily, I might add. He was doing his thang at the pub I worked in as a student) and it was awful. Really, really awful. Lots of sad, doughy old women with Delia Smith hair and cardis all trying to paw at a very obviously gay thrusting, gyrating man whose skin closely resembled that of a cooked sausage.

Vile.

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 16:37

RockingBEYONDtheXmasTree - no I would'nt try to wash it off, but i would be embaressed if the wife found it.

InOneEar - it does not have to be furious. I have woke up in the middle of the night with an urge. If my wife had woken up mid stroke, im sure i would never here the end of it.

DougalDaydream · 05/12/2011 16:37

Xmas Grin @ doughy old women with Delia Smith cardis and skin like a cooked sausage!

TroublesomeEx · 05/12/2011 16:39

yeah, the emailing colleagues is just wrong. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the rest of the situation.

Wormshuffler · 05/12/2011 16:40

Mrspoc- She wrote it as a reply to an email that had been sent from a work email regarding returning from a lap-dancing club, surely that reflects back on both her H and the sender? The line was crossed by the sender.

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 16:42

Wormshuffler - not at all. It was sent to him but his work collegues. It had nothing to do with her.

That e-mail could of been sen't to the wrong person or his boss, which could of been taken out of context.

It was not her place to send the e-mail. Now if it was a personal e-mail then that is different.

Whatmeworry · 05/12/2011 16:49

@ doughy old women with Delia Smith cardis and skin like a cooked sausage!

I'm sure that is exactly what a lapdancing club is like too, some of the blokes probably have the biggest tits :o

Malificence · 05/12/2011 16:53

Mrspoc, you're obviously in a fairly dysfunctional relationship if you would be embarrassed by your wife knowing that you masturbate and also if it would bother her to know that you do.

Crosshair · 05/12/2011 16:55

If it works to keep such things private for Mrspoc and his wife, I dont see whats wrong or dysfunctional about it. Confused

TroublesomeEx · 05/12/2011 16:56

Not wishing to speak for MrSpoc, but I don't have a dysfunctional relationship with my DH and I have no idea if/when or any desire to know if/when he masturbates!

I don't own him! He is entitled to have a private life that doesn't involve telling me everything. I do lots of things I wouldn't want him to know about, but none of them are a threat to the relationship.

anothermum92 · 05/12/2011 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

InOneEar · 05/12/2011 17:03

MrSpoc - still giggling, sorry

This reminds me of the story my DH told me about the first and only time he went to a lap dancing/strip club (as far as I know!). He was working away from home during the week at the time, and his colleagues had developed a habit of heading to a certain club at least once a week. One of them had developed a very serious addiction and was spending thousands......anyway, they went in one night with their boss - a very posh ex-RAF officer who said it was the first time he had ever visited such an establishment. As soon as they walked in the door, one of the 'dancers' ran over and said "I remember you, you're the pilot!", or words to that effect.

I guess these places have gone mainstream in the last few years, and sadly they are an impossible temptation to groups of drunken men.

InOneEar · 05/12/2011 17:07

Folkgirl - if they are no threat to the relationship, why would you not want him to know about them?

I have no idea how frequently my DH has a tug on the old love sausage, but I would be sad if he felt ashamed for me to know about it. I wouldn't want to watch though!

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 17:16

Malificence - not really its a private matter and also about respect.

overtheseatoskye · 05/12/2011 17:20

I think the bit that would bother me the most is the smell of perfume on his clothes. That means he had a woman v close to him indeed as opposed to watching a naked lady gyrate at a distance and get a bit over excited. But you need to be calm and get the truth from him as this will eat away at you otherwise.

Jemma1111 · 05/12/2011 17:22

Kiwijean- As others have said, I'm afraid your H is feeding you a load of bullshit about the 'strip club', I'd put money on it.

I think you also need to think about the rest of your relationship, as you mention in an earlier post that he is always at work. Its possible he IS actually already having an affair, probably with a colleague, but on the works night out he got too pissed to cover his tracks from you.

Don't give him an easy ride!, for what its worth, if he was my H he'd be rolling in the gutter by now!

Malificence · 05/12/2011 17:28

So private that you are happy to admit nightly wanking to thousands of mumsnetters but you couldn't bring yourself to discuss it with your wife?

Why is it about respect? If you've got a much highter libido than your wife then surely she would be happy that you are sorting yourself out rather than pestering her for sex? Honest communication is a big part of having respect for your partner imo . Would she genuinely be horrified by you masturbating in bed while she's asleep? If so then that is very sad and would suggest she has some issues.

Alouisee · 05/12/2011 17:30

The worst thing about a crafty wank is the way the mattress bounces up and down. That never happened on memory foam.

OldLadyKnowsSantaClaus · 05/12/2011 17:31

i wouldn't be over-chuffed if my DH was wanking next to me in bed. He's a messy bugger.

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 17:32

well Malificence, that's the beauty of the internet. you are all not a face and could be a computer talking to me for all I know. Threfore it is very easy to give advice about personal things on here. I am sure some of the women who come on here talking about very personal and abusive stuff would never dream about telling people in real life.

Without writing an essay, i would of thought the RESPECT part was self explanetry.

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 17:33

Alouisee, love it this post.

Original poster
KiwiJean · 05/12/2011 18:05

I have a possible update to the story, I remembered today that I took the kids swimming on Friday, so there is quite a reasonable chance that his underpants did indeed get soaked in the washing basket. Which is what he has been claiming. I can't remember the state of the other clothes that were in the basket, though I can only imagine I would have noticed of they were all wet. I might be clutching at straws, but I think this add quite a bit of credibility to his wank at home story?

The strip club/perfume part still doesn't add up. And I'm more suspicious after the post about Red Rooms being an 'upmarket nightclub' on a Saturday/Friday night.

I put the argument about strippers not drapping themselves over people unless it's paid for, and he has subsequently backtracked saying that they only sat next to him, and that maybe a bloke next to him had a lap dance and it is possible his stripper knocked against him Hmm. He has started to change his story about what went on in the strip club from unwanted attention from the strippers, to the strippers sitting next to him. The perfume was def all over the front of his jeans.

OP posts:
SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 05/12/2011 18:23

Rapidly losing sympathy.

Please. You are deluding yourself.

But... do what you need to do, OP. :(

Original poster
KiwiJean · 05/12/2011 18:31

I don't mind if H has a wank, I didn't realise he did every night, so that was news to me, but I'm not opposed to it. I imagine he does it in the bathroom, or in front of the computer, as our baby is still in our bedroom, so it would be pretty unsavoury to creep in before I go to bed.

I still would be very surprised if he did it into his pants, as he's such a clean, tidy sort of bloke. But maybe it was out of character because he was smashed.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2011 18:33

Keep trying to convince yourself all is well and dandy, KJ

You are almost there...

Swipe left for the next trending thread