Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be outraged that DH has been to a strip club? May contain TMI

233 replies

KiwiJean · 04/12/2011 10:40

AIBU?

DH had a work Christmas party on Friday night. He rocked up boozed, at 4.30am. Stayed in bed until after 10am (we have two children under 3years old).

Anyway, when I was tiding up his clothes, noticed that they smelt strongly of perfume. I asked him why later that night. He said that the girls coats were all piled on top of his, so that must be why his coat smelt of perfume. I said that it was his clothes that smelt, not his coat. And it transpired he had been to a strip club.

His jeans really reek of perfume, so while he's denying it, he's obviously had a few lap dances. I'm not happy about this. But the real clincher is that this morning while I was putting on the washing, I noticed that his undies had gis in them! He had tried to rinse them, as they were all wet, but the evidence was clearly still there.

I am not happy that he's paid some stripper to rub herself up against him, and I am def not happy that he's got carried away! I don't even know if he didn't pay extra for a happy ending.

He says the gis is from a wank after he got home, but I doubt that every much. Why would you do that in your underpants?!

I feel my trust in him has been betrayed. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 16:57

Oh I am quite aware of dodgy dh's - some of my friends are married to real pigs them BUT the posts which assume what they say is gospel are hilarious - talk about imagination running away with you - jizzed in his pants from 'tonguing' to a grope with a collegue in a semi public place?!!

OP - I hope you sort something out one way or another.

HalfTermHero · 04/12/2011 17:05

Someone has wanked him off in his pants. I would put money on it. What grown man jizzes in his pants for any other reason? Hands free is the domain of the 13 year old boy. If I was OP I would put that exact scenario to the sod and watch him touch his face and break eye contact as he tries to deny it.

FredFredGeorge · 04/12/2011 17:08

I think the jizz in the underwear is normally from cleaning it up with them after the act - and I wouldn't be at all surprised for the wank before bed to be entirely true... Except of course that the rest of his explanations are bollocks - mind you the OP seems to disapprove of him masturbating so perhaps the defensiveness there is seperate.

I think the female colleague explanation is pretty unlikely given the email about the strip club (and OP was being VVU to reply to it, I'd be gone after that regardless of anything else) Yes women could've gone there, but the email wouldn't've been asking him if he made it home...

Anyway DH is an arse whatever he did or didn't do as he's making up garbage it's not U to think the worst and throwing him about for a bit was a good idea.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 17:09

Is it so out of the question he had a wank when he got home and used his pants to mop up?

My ds reeks of my step mother's perfume when he's been at her house.

lisylisylou · 04/12/2011 17:13

Personally, I don't think messages of leave him really help the situation. I feel sorry that you've had to go through this and it is understandable you've gone through his phone as you're furious and you don't know what to do!

If it helps you my husband works away a lot abroad but also in London. If he's entertaining customers sometimes he'll end up in the bar for a drink at a strip club as all the other clubs shut at 1-2am and the strip clubs shut so much later. Now, he gets out of going to them and always gets to St Pancreas for the last train home because he doesn't like them. I've had his colleagues phoning me at 10.30pm pleading for him to stay in London but I tell them it's down to him.

We've been married for 15 years now, we have young kids, and we still have a lot of trust for each other. I think it's down to you whether you can trust him or not and whether this is a deal breaker for you. Good luck with it all!

waterlego6064 · 04/12/2011 17:22

It's not out of the question valium but then why didn't he just say so to the OP? He has already said he had a wank when he got in so why wouldn't he say that he'd used the pants to clean up rather than saying some leftovers leaked into pants afterwards?

I agree with HTH that it sounds more likely that he came in his pants with someone else' help. :(

flyingspaghettimonster · 04/12/2011 17:27

Wow, sorry to read this :-( What a cuntmuppet - hope you make him earn your trust back, it is awful when trust is broken so badly.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 17:29

He DID say he had a wank at home.

waterlego6064 · 04/12/2011 17:33

Aye valium, that's what I'm saying. He has admitted to having a wank at home so why not say 'then I used my pants to clear up' rather than saying 'a little bit dribbled out into the pants after the wank'. It is a small detail but possibly significant.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 17:37

Possibly because he was worried about the OP's reaction? She emailed all his mates - err slight over reaction. Then inspected all his pants, and talks about having a wank every night of the week as somehow not the done thing...

I dunno

waterlego6064 · 04/12/2011 17:37

Oh and re. knowing about partners' masturbatory habits Hmm. I find that a bit odd. I'm sure OH and I both know that the other does have DIY sessions but neither of us know the details of when/where they are happening. I can't imagine one or other of us having a wank while the other lies next to us in bed (unless in a deep sleep perhaps!)

waterlego6064 · 04/12/2011 17:37

Maybe valium. It's a tricky one.

AnyFucker · 04/12/2011 18:49

So this is the second time this stupid man has wrecked your (misplaced, obviously) trust in him

How many more chances will you give him ?

Oh, and I can see his pants are on fire from here

G1nger · 04/12/2011 19:11

I'd consider a lapdance cheating. I'd consider even going to a strip club to be an unforgivable, misogynistic act (oh he'd pay!). But I am willing to accept the explanation that he jizzed when he got home- accept it as a plausible explanation, but one that I don't believe here.

Original poster
KiwiJean · 04/12/2011 19:52

The had a wank at home story can't be true. My husband is one of these tidy-guys. He washes his hands the second he changes a nappy, he likes things to be clean and neat. There is no chance he came home and jizzed in his underpants. There has never been any left overs behind before, it doesn't make sense.

I think HTH may be right. Perhaps the whole strip club has been a coverup.

It's really very sad.

OP posts:
HalfTermHero · 04/12/2011 20:04

Kiwi, I am really sorry Sad. I hope that my speculation has not made today worse for you xx

SardineQueen · 04/12/2011 20:40

Kiwi I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.

HalfTermHero · 04/12/2011 20:47

I think all that can be said is that you have acted really bravely today, Kiwi. You have thrown him out and shown him that you will not be taken for a fool. Plenty of women stick their heads in the sand and get walked all over. Well done for making it clear that he does not get away with behaving like this. What happens next is up to you, the ball is in your court now.

AnyFucker · 04/12/2011 20:56

he is sad

not a real man, not an adequate man

a liar, and a cheat

someone you would do well to get out of your life

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 21:27

He is sad sums it up for me. Pretty much all respect I have for DH (a lot) would be gone if I found out he went to a lap dancing club let alone the rest of it.

runningwilde · 04/12/2011 22:47

He needs to tell you the TRUTH

I'm sorry but it really does seem like he has cheated.

What are you going to do? He has cheated on you before too and most probably now too?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/12/2011 23:00

He won't tell the truth

he doesn't have the balls

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 04/12/2011 23:34

I would punch his head so that it spun round 360 degrees, Exorcist style.

pootros · 04/12/2011 23:57

Kiwijean - I can totally understand the email you pinged off, even if it wasn't the most diplomatic thing to do, and you must be so F*cking angry having tried to re-build up your trust, and I really hope that he is telling you the truth now. Foxy Roxy has a point re " Maybe in his drunken state he couldn't control himself when faced with a naked woman gyrating in front of him and he had an "accident" in the way a 13 year old boy would."

HAd you ever discussed your feelings about strip clubs with him? I haven't with my husband - it used to be traditional to take the stag to a strip club - never even knew about how close the private dances would be to make him reek of perfume.... I would just be feeling sick as a dog. * hug *

dancingmustard · 05/12/2011 03:59

I think he's an arse for going to a lap dancing club and so are his mates (I hate lapdancing clubs )
But to check his skids for jizz and email all of his mates telling them off for going too?
That's odd/overbearing and incredibly entitled.