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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be outraged that DH has been to a strip club? May contain TMI

233 replies

KiwiJean · 04/12/2011 10:40

AIBU?

DH had a work Christmas party on Friday night. He rocked up boozed, at 4.30am. Stayed in bed until after 10am (we have two children under 3years old).

Anyway, when I was tiding up his clothes, noticed that they smelt strongly of perfume. I asked him why later that night. He said that the girls coats were all piled on top of his, so that must be why his coat smelt of perfume. I said that it was his clothes that smelt, not his coat. And it transpired he had been to a strip club.

His jeans really reek of perfume, so while he's denying it, he's obviously had a few lap dances. I'm not happy about this. But the real clincher is that this morning while I was putting on the washing, I noticed that his undies had gis in them! He had tried to rinse them, as they were all wet, but the evidence was clearly still there.

I am not happy that he's paid some stripper to rub herself up against him, and I am def not happy that he's got carried away! I don't even know if he didn't pay extra for a happy ending.

He says the gis is from a wank after he got home, but I doubt that every much. Why would you do that in your underpants?!

I feel my trust in him has been betrayed. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2011 04:14

I think the email is a cover story and, if it is, then emailing back is fine. I think the wank story is a load of nonsense. Until his story makes sense I think you have to believe the worst. Sorry.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 05/12/2011 04:36

OP, your 'D'H is an arse no matter which way this story unfolds.

The whole sorry tale - strip clubs, perfumed clothes, jizz in underpants, said underpants washed in a pathetic attempt to hide tracks, lies, emails, counter-emails, more lies, betrayals of trust, snooping, and now a banishment from the house - reveals a sad relationship between the two of you.

I hope you're going to be OK.

Nothing quite like a depressing thread such as this to make you (generic) thankful and appreciative of your (generic) own lovely, decent DH. :(

dancingmustard · 05/12/2011 04:43

Checking his underwear for jizz is normal behaviour?
Ok he's an arse for going to a lap dancing club.
But the OP has over reacted and has become inspector Clouseau of the yard.
And her husband is carrying a booooom.

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 05/12/2011 08:22

She didn't check his underpants for jizz, she says she noticed it when collecting the washing.

Is your sole objective on this forum to disagree with every OP/pick holes in stories, dancingmustard? You seem to be making quite a hobby of it.

Step · 05/12/2011 08:52

Rocked up boozed, had a tommy tank... errr surely Mr Floppy comes to town when inebriated?

Has a tug every night.... surely you'd have noticed. "Ah pet, off to clean my teeth an choke the chicken can you set the alarm clock?...."

Perfume? These are non contact places surely? Going to one alone isn't the end of the world. To get covered in perfume sounds a difficult job in these circimstances. If married men go there, they'd only go once which would make it a daft business plan to cover them in perfume....

Odd....

Whatmeworry · 05/12/2011 09:09

Men go to lapdancing clubs, women go to see male strippers on nights out.

Some OH are OK with all that, some are not.

Not very many go through their OP's mobile phone and email all the other attendees complaining about their attending it.

Sounds like he got a lapdance, though I am surprised by the perfume, would be bad for business IMO. Btw, I went to a women's night out Ooop North once with male strippers, some of the women there went quite wild too.

I think its between OP and DH to sort this out without bringing everyone else into the brouhaha.

SardineQueen · 05/12/2011 11:14

Gosh that's true.

When I worked up in town, after work on a Friday me and the "girls" often used to go to male lapdancing clubs, and pay men to give us private dances and we'd all come in our pants.

Happened all the time, how could I have forgotten.

Biscuit
nofrikkincarbs · 05/12/2011 11:29

One of my best friends is a stripper - YANBU Op but I would refuse to believe your DH's jeans stank of perfume from a strip club - clearly something else is amiss here

DoesNotGiveAFig · 05/12/2011 12:07

SOunds fishy to me due to all the lying.

Me and DH don't know each others habits in that area - surely that's the point? If you know all about it why not do it together??

Hope you get to the bottom of it, but something isn't right here.

OhdearNigel · 05/12/2011 12:47

I have no problem in DH going to strip clubs on stag dos. I would not be very happy if it was after a Christmas party and I would be apoplectic if he came home with jizz in his pants.

OhdearNigel · 05/12/2011 13:03

I'm bemused as to the posters saying he must have had a shag - how many men have a shag with their pants on ?

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/12/2011 14:06

The strip club wouldn't bother my - my dh went to Amsterdam for his stag do and went to a club

Difference is I trust him - where you have trust issues and understandable as your dh has been unfaithful

they went for a laugh / experience - same as girls have strippers at hen nights

But the jizz in pants and perfume story are obv lies

dancingmustard · 05/12/2011 14:11

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers

This is AIBU not a support section.

Good point nigel.

loopylou6 · 05/12/2011 14:29

Do you think it was a bit of pre cum or a full load in his pants?

TheAlphaParent · 05/12/2011 14:50

I think you did the right thing, telling him to pack his bags.

Did he clear off? Where did he go? Have you heard from him since?

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 15:31

The story does not add up. At first i thought it was a wind up (lack of emotion by the Op) or if it is true, then clearly there is more to it.

As a man, iwould not tell my wife when i have a wank. I regualry have a wank most evenings. (we have very different sex drives). I have also wanked into my pants. This is normal to me.

Having a wank when drunk is also possible and done most times. I have never had an issue in this area.

But the mamount of perfume found on him does indicate a lie or Op exagerating.

Op checking his pants, smelling his clothes and e-mailling his work collegues is not on. The last part I would divorce my wife for. That is just not on.

Good luck.

Wormshuffler · 05/12/2011 15:58

You would divorce your Wife for sending an email??
Why?? It's her that looks like an idiot, the recipients probably couldn't care less.

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 05/12/2011 15:59

"This is AIBU not a support section."

You're right; it's AIBU. Not "Come And Be A Massive Twat" section.

Xenia · 05/12/2011 16:08

I'm afraid I'm just laughing. A lot of over reacting going on. He's certainily not going to win any prizes for hiding things which probably means you've a fairly honest man there who made a bit of a mess of it all in every sense.

RockingBEYONDtheXmasTree · 05/12/2011 16:09

MrSpoc if you did wank into your pants (god, what a question! Grin) would you then attempt to wash said pants clean, or just put them in the washing? That alone seems very suspicious to me. I mean, if you're going to go to the effort of hiding it, why not just not come in your pants (if you are at home wanking)

I still say that coming in pants, plus trying to hide it, plus perfume, does not add up to strip club followed by at home wank

TroublesomeEx · 05/12/2011 16:15

MrSpoc - I feel so much closer to you now! Grin

InOneEar · 05/12/2011 16:27

Mr Spoc, and loopylou, you are making me larf! I find it hard to imagine my DH having a furious tug every night, but perhaps he does!! I'm sorry, I am just finding it hard to take this thread seriously, what with all the talk of semen stains and wanking.......

Whatmeworry · 05/12/2011 16:29

When I worked up in town, after work on a Friday me and the "girls" often used to go to male lapdancing clubs, and pay men to give us private dances and we'd all come in our pants. Happened all the time, how could I have forgotten.

Oh come on Sardines, the Chippendales don't exist in a vacuum!

What I just can't believe is any lap-pro would souse herself in perfume as the clubs would run out of clientele in weeks if not days. That's the sort of thing Jane from Accounts would do before having a good old drunken suck on the sausage at an office Christmas party (and get caught on the video :o ).

BrianAndHisBalls · 05/12/2011 16:30

Baubles Grin

Going to lap dancing clubs is just so empowering for the women isn't it? And having a male stripper at your hen do, gosh that's a must , certainly Hmm

MrSpoc · 05/12/2011 16:34

Wormshuffler - because the e-mail is a work e-mail and reflects back onto me. This is a boundry that should never be crossed.