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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not wanting to go to his parents at Christmas because of stupid traditions they have

252 replies

LittleEmanuel · 02/12/2011 10:29

DP and I have been going through a rough time lately to the point where I honestly thought it was over and was assuming I'd be single by the new year. We've recently (in the past week) decided to try and work things out.

Problem is we have been invited around to his parents (again) on Christmas day. We get invited every year and I hate it but this year I was rather excited at the prospect of not having to go.

However because DP and I are on dodgy ground and we're supposed to be trying to please each other right now, I kind of feel obliged but I really don't want to go. They have the most stupid, odd traditions like the bum slap dance and acorn throwing and it's just bloody ridiculous. I don't mind a bit of fun but this shit always goes too far, ends up with someone going off in a mood and makes me want to tear my own eyes out.

AIBU to tell DP I really don't want to go or will it jeapordise our relationship?

OP posts:

whethergirl · 03/12/2011 01:28

provoke

empirestateofmind · 03/12/2011 03:31

Wow

No way would I have done Christmas with them for a second time let alone an eighth. OP you have been a Saint.

Look ahead and decide if this family is really your future. Will these people be the grandparents to your DCs? It is not as if your DP wants to disown them.

BTW I love the acorn not falling far from the tree analogy Roman!

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 03/12/2011 12:51

Yes, some great MN wit on this thread !
That one from Roman is classic

SilentNotViolentNight · 03/12/2011 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onebigchocolatemess · 03/12/2011 13:20

stalling tactics

lets face it, unless breaking your arm Christmas morning sounds more appealing you're going to have to go....So you just need some tactics of your own to make it more bare-able

stalling - leave it as late as humanly possible to go round their house, mention you have to pop to a friends house first etc etc etc

Drink copious amounts of alcohol, throw up over the dog/ child/ mil, get a round of applause and head off to lie down upstairs

you mentioned DPs brother doesn't enjoy it either, join forces and unite. Sit with him in his room instead.

.....I am out, anyone else?

InPraiseOfBacchus · 03/12/2011 13:29

My family are the fun, mad, chaotic sort, but this is ridiculous! My lot, despite odd, messy habits and foibles, would rather sink into the ground than annoy a guest, or have a bathroom in ruins!

At the risk of sounding like a twunt, these guys sound a bit common.

Chandon · 03/12/2011 13:35

brilliant, am really laughing.

hope it's not for real, OP if its, yanbu. But could you still go please and do a live thread on the day?

rainbowinthesky · 03/12/2011 13:36

I'd put a cactus in my trousers.

RedHotSanta · 03/12/2011 13:38

OP it does sound bonkers but infinitely preferable to my ILs, where highlights include:

Menfolk pissing off down the pub until lunch, so the women can get on with cooking without the men 'under their feet'.
Everyone sleeping (apart from me) from immeditely after Queen's speech until the evening.
Not opening any pressies until the evening (mainly due to men being down the pub all morning, and everyone being asleep all afternoon).

Bum-slapping sounds good in comparison!

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 03/12/2011 13:41

Stick to your plan to be single by New Year - except bring it forward and make it by Christmas. Go to friends or stay home alone - either way it will be a nicer day. Adopt the poor dog.

amerryscot · 03/12/2011 13:42

Compromise and go on a different day, when they are not practising their traditions.

Chandon · 03/12/2011 13:55

Just realise that by doubting this is real, am not helping OP.

This is the second funniest thread I have ever read on here, after Pombears (was that all real?).

the fact that we are all so ammused must strengthen you in your opinion that your ILs are super weird, and it's really not you, it's them.

Stalling tactics...ehhhhhhm.....

4.) Say you'll go, but sabotage the car on the night before (leave light on to empty battery or even slash own tyre?)

5.) buy some prawns, leave outside fridge for 48 hours, then eat one the day before?

6.) make a prickly-bum to wear? (needles?)

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/12/2011 14:35

Ah, compulsory hilarity - my idea of Hell.

LittleEmanuel, forget Christmas for the moment. You and your DP have been together for 12 years, I'm guessing you haven't got any children as I'm sure you'd have mentioned them by now. You were at the point of splitting up, but had decided to "try and work things out". You say "we're supposed to be trying to please each other right now" - can you tell us of anything that he has done to try to please you?

I suspect the reason you are 'trying to work things out' has less to do with you're thinking that the relationship is salvageable, than you being a nice person who is trying not to kick a man when he is down. He has recently lost his dad. He is recovering from an operation. Breaking up a long-term relationship - well, that's the "bad things come in three's" I think you're subconsciously trying to avoid for him.

You've said he is "already stressing about family christmas time and how important it is" - placing you under a sense of obligation to go there 'for him'. But remember you also said - "this year I was rather excited at the prospect of not having to go". Now, I have to think that you couldn't have felt excited unless at some level you see your relationship as being over. Sorry, but that's my reading of what you've told us. I'm not getting any sense of love for your DP, just obligation; and a sense of dread for his family - who "have been the root of many arguments we've had in the past".

And no, you are not a snob/unreasonable about your reaction to his family's behaviour - wrestling on the floor of a restaurant is far from normal. I fail to see why you should be more tolerant of that sort of crap. And if that's his opinion of you, trying to make you believe it is you at fault and not them - then he's a dick.

I really think this relationship has come to its natural end.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 03/12/2011 14:40

My first comment was a bit glib - but actually meant pretty much what WhereYouLeftIt said. Don't waste any more of your life making this right for him - you only live once, go out and live your life, be happy.

said · 03/12/2011 14:57

Just reading about them is making me feel irritated. I don't find it funny at all. I bet they say "Cheer up love, it'll never happen". They sound so fucking tedious and boring.

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 03/12/2011 15:07

Sorry, but this is hilarious.

gettingeasier · 03/12/2011 15:22

Highly amusing from this safe distance

What whethergirl said ie relief at being single and being able to 100% do what I want

Xenia · 03/12/2011 16:17

Why did you get involved with someone from such a rough/common background? You haven't done your due diligence correctly. It always leads to trouble.

Why would you please him not you? Surely trying harder is he also listening to you, seeing things from your point of view and perhaps he going to see them the day before or day after alone and spending the day diong a Christmas you like. he is obviously the one who is lucky to have you and not vice versa so he should be bending over backwards to please you.

nikon1968 · 03/12/2011 16:34

xenia.....you are so rude.

Why did you get involved with someone as lowly as a teacher it was obvious it would end in divorce and you having to pay out a hefty sum.

Xenia · 03/12/2011 16:37

(That's slightly off topic.

No one is lowly. We are all human beings. It's great we have free speech in the UK and lovely that the internet lets us all hear the views of others whose views we might not always otherwise hear.

Today the Iranians think we stormed their embassy in London. I hope the messgae can get out to them that that is not so. Russia is finding it hard to control its election coverage because of the internet. Just like Caxton's printing press and the photocopier also when it came out technology frees people)

nikon1968 · 03/12/2011 16:39

You are joking you think everyone [women] is lowly unless they earn a million a year, you should read some of your old threads and post you might be a tad ashamed of the things you have said in the past.

Xenia · 03/12/2011 17:10

I don't know what you mean by lowly. All people are equal under the law. I respect everyone. In fact it's best to judge people on how they treat others who have no value to them in their getting on as a great judge of their character. I have said I want more women to earn more and do better and that plenty are absolutely pathetic about asking for more pay or picking decent careers but that does not mean I think people are "below" me in any sense at all. Our moral worth as humans is not tied up in our income or IQ.

nikon1968 · 03/12/2011 17:14

I apoligise then Xenia after reading a lot of threads that you have commented on maybe you just don't come across correctly.

Xenia · 03/12/2011 17:18

I am sure given the number of things I have posted all kinds of views might be attributed to me.

On this thread I think they need to talk about what kind of Christmas would work for them both as a couple. If she's chosen a partner whose family seem rather difficult, prone to public fights etc (and I am afraid I stand by the fact that that does indicate they might be a bit rough, working class etc and her fault may be in picking someone out of her class so only has herself to blame) they will need to hvae better communication skills and ways to deal with problems than if their families all fit like a glove. If her family had regular fights in restaurants too (am having visions of big fat gypsy parties here somehow..) then they might go together better.

nikon1968 · 03/12/2011 17:21

Do all working class people fight, in your opinion?

Because in my experience [I am working class as is my family oh family and all my friends and neighbours] and i have never known any of them to be in a fight]

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