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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For not wanting to go to his parents at Christmas because of stupid traditions they have

252 replies

LittleEmanuel · 02/12/2011 10:29

DP and I have been going through a rough time lately to the point where I honestly thought it was over and was assuming I'd be single by the new year. We've recently (in the past week) decided to try and work things out.

Problem is we have been invited around to his parents (again) on Christmas day. We get invited every year and I hate it but this year I was rather excited at the prospect of not having to go.

However because DP and I are on dodgy ground and we're supposed to be trying to please each other right now, I kind of feel obliged but I really don't want to go. They have the most stupid, odd traditions like the bum slap dance and acorn throwing and it's just bloody ridiculous. I don't mind a bit of fun but this shit always goes too far, ends up with someone going off in a mood and makes me want to tear my own eyes out.

AIBU to tell DP I really don't want to go or will it jeapordise our relationship?

OP posts:

TheRhubarb · 02/12/2011 11:00

Video it all and put it on YouTube.

It's the least they deserve!

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 02/12/2011 11:00

Oh my God !

No, I wouldn't go.

It's not just you who should be looking at things and seeing where compromises can be made and tolerance shown.

What would you do if you stayed at home with DP ? What are the other options ?
Good luck !

coraltoes · 02/12/2011 11:01

They sound a hoot!! Can I come?

montmartre · 02/12/2011 11:04

Acorn throwing is intriguing... I have a lot of acorns hanging around from autumn, and I was looking for christmassy inspiration for something to do with them!

loopylou6 · 02/12/2011 11:05

I'm sorry but I simply do not believe you.

CandyCaner · 02/12/2011 11:05

They sound bloody hilarious in a 'laugh at them, not with them' type way. Are they generally a bit mental, or is it just Christmas that brings out the bum-slapping and acorn-throwing?

Birdsgottafly · 02/12/2011 11:06

If he goes along with this then i would have serious doubts, unless that is what you want for your children.

Alternatively most supermarkets have Baileys on offer, you can buy two litres for the same as what usually a bottle sells for.

tigermoll · 02/12/2011 11:07

Although personally I would find the Bum Slap Dance preferable to going to Church (family tradition in my house) I can see why this would be a fecking nightmare.

I think you are well within your rights not to go. Just don't do it. Go and see your own family, or even have a lovely adult christmas. Use the time to think about your r/ship with your DP and whether it might continue. There is no rule that says you HAVE to be together over christmas.

SantasENormaSnob · 02/12/2011 11:08

Oh god it's sounds dreadful.

Need to know more about the wrestling incident. How the fuck did that happen?

LizzieMo · 02/12/2011 11:08

OP I can barely see to type my eyes are streaming from the hysterical laughter!!!! Bum slap dance- classic!! They do sound bonkers!! (I thought my lot were bad) Do you have children? If not, you do realise they may well inherit the bum slap gene and then it will frankly never stop. I would think hard about if you actually want to be with this man!!! Although his family are providing huge comic value on MN (but we don't have to live with it!!!)

senua · 02/12/2011 11:09

Can you come to a compromise: show your face for a few hours and then leave?

Or what about introducing new traditions - like taking the poor dog for a very long walk.

Otherwise: video the madness and stick it on Utube for the rest of us to enjoy. Or write a book about them and make millions!

omaoma · 02/12/2011 11:10

it's possible for families to have wildly differing ideas of what 'fun' is and both be right.
it's not always possible to be in a relationship where this is the case though. only cure is for both partners to find some more tolerance of each other's characters and compromise. that's compromise from BOTH partners by the way. if neither of you can do this it's not going to make the next 20 - 40 years easy.
is it only when he's with his family that your partner condones/behaves in a way you find depressing and alarming? if so a compromise might be that you just don't go except at exceptional events (eg wedding) and partner agrees to decrease the frequency of visits.
agree that when your relationship is particularly fragile is not a good time for adding what you both know is a stressful event. isn't this the perfect time to try and do things just as a family, if you've almost been splitting up? if your partner insists then it sounds like he prioritises his family above your relationship - which might be your answer to whether this is worth saving.

SantasENormaSnob · 02/12/2011 11:11

How about buying some throwing knives for after dinner entertainment?

Aim right and it could solve all your problems

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 02/12/2011 11:12

I can't stop laughing at this thread, OP, sorry if you're being serious.

LambofGod · 02/12/2011 11:13

Are you married? Any DCs? 40++ and trying for a baby?

I wouldn't bother to hang around otherwise.

GooKingWenceslas · 02/12/2011 11:14

I am PMSL imagining your cat's bum face.

Down a bottle of Baileys and join in. From the sounds of it, you'd be able to get away with punching at least one of them in the chops, just in the spirit of Christmas, if it all gets too much

LifeOfKate · 02/12/2011 11:17

Your PIL sound ace :o
Mine are lovely but a little boring in comparison, I would LOVE to see MIL wrestling on the floor of a restaurant...

Original poster

LittleEmanuel · 02/12/2011 11:21

The very first time I met DP's mum - we walked into her house and DP hid behind the door. I asked what he was doing and he told me to "shush". I watched on with utter disbelief when his mum walked in and DP dived on her, grabbed her in a headlock and pulled her to the floor. She reacted by punching him 3 times in the ribs and then got up and asked if I wanted a cup of tea.

Now I realise this may seem unrealistic to you all, I appreciate that - honestly I do because when I first met him, I couldn't believe the shenanigans either. Over time I have got used to it but still, I remember when it didn't seem normal.

I have known them for over 12 years. The stupid thing is I love his mum dearly - on her own she's fine. Still a little mad but tolerable but when they're all together it's absolute bedlam.

We're not married.

See another thing is that DP is recovering from an operation right now so shouldn't be doing all this stuff anyway.

OP posts:

MeconiumHappens · 02/12/2011 11:22

i would LOVE to see the bumslapdance video. Its youtube time OP.

theworldaccordingtome · 02/12/2011 11:22

This is actually hillarious!! muust .... stop .... laughing!!

TheRhubarb · 02/12/2011 11:23

Seriously? Convince me that you are for real because I'm having a hard time going along with this now!

His family sound like they need therapy. Their only way of showing affection has been in this semi-aggressive way. Smacks of 'Meet the Fockers' doesn't it?

If you are for real, then this is THEIR problem, not yours. You can accept them just fine so long as it's behind padded walls.

Really though, you could make a fortune videoing their antics for YouTube - this could be a whole new career for you!

QuietNinjaMincepie · 02/12/2011 11:24

I would not be able to cope with this at all. Christmas day should be eating food then slogging on the sofa. Sounds way too energetic for my liking. Why should you be more tolerant of his family when they are not more tolerant of your choice not to join in all the 'fun'

QuietNinjaMincepie · 02/12/2011 11:25

Aargh slobbing on the sofa!

ChristieF · 02/12/2011 11:25

You could go but just refuse to take part in stuff you don't want to. I always refused to play charades with my late in-laws. They can't make you do what you refuse to do. Put your foot down

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 02/12/2011 11:25

Agree with LambofGod

Keep thinking about whether this man is the right partner for you.

Moving on, though tough, might be a better option

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