Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to go to his parents at Christmas because of stupid traditions they have

252 replies

LittleEmanuel · 02/12/2011 10:29

DP and I have been going through a rough time lately to the point where I honestly thought it was over and was assuming I'd be single by the new year. We've recently (in the past week) decided to try and work things out.

Problem is we have been invited around to his parents (again) on Christmas day. We get invited every year and I hate it but this year I was rather excited at the prospect of not having to go.

However because DP and I are on dodgy ground and we're supposed to be trying to please each other right now, I kind of feel obliged but I really don't want to go. They have the most stupid, odd traditions like the bum slap dance and acorn throwing and it's just bloody ridiculous. I don't mind a bit of fun but this shit always goes too far, ends up with someone going off in a mood and makes me want to tear my own eyes out.

AIBU to tell DP I really don't want to go or will it jeapordise our relationship? Sad

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 04/12/2011 00:17

It's late and I've had two glasses of wine, but me and DH are wiping the tears away after reading up to the end of page 2.

OMFG, I don't know how you stand it.

FIL slapping your arse, I agree with previous poster who said drink a bottle of Bailey's and punch someone in the chops.

YANBU, but you've made me laugh so hard.

Grin
empirestateofmind · 04/12/2011 03:36

Biscuit Charades and Cheese Impersonation sound good.

Hully how do the Cardboard Box Game and Tree Flower Fruit work?

Hullygully · 04/12/2011 09:56

Ooo biscuit charades and cheese...

cardboard box:

Take a box (a cereal one is good) put it on th efloor and pick it up in your teeth without using your hands and without any part of you touching the floor except your feet.

When everyone has done it, tear off a thin strip all around the top, and repeat.

Keep repeating until several ancient aunts have to go to hospital and the bendiest person wins.

Tree flower fruit (more sedate) Everyone writes a long list down the side of the paper: tree, flower fruit, boys name, girls name, country etc etc then oneperson calls out letters randomly to be assigned. Then five mins to come up with the most original answer. Then 3 points for an answer that's unique, two for an answer shared by two, and one for an answer lots have. Add up at end and most points wins.

Do decide in advance such issues as whether make of car means model or make.

Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 04/12/2011 11:33

Ok the OP hasn't turned up. MNHQ haven't said 'no'. I'm setting up a missing OP thread!

BeerTricksPotter · 04/12/2011 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LittleEmanuel · 04/12/2011 21:54

Wow, who would have thought my little post on bum slap dancin', acorn hurling, Labrador fighting and restaurant wrestling would have grown to a 10 page thread and descended into a class war!

Thanks for all the advice and replies anyway. Glad it made some of you laugh, in my best moments I can laugh at the madness also Grin

I once thought I'd found a kindred spirit in DP's sister's new boyfriend. He turned up for his first christmas with the adams family a few years back and sat there, open mouthed at all the chaos. I went over, introduced myself and offered my understanding - he then said "watch this!" and went into the kitchen, took a handful of rice crispies, came back into the living room and just chucked them into the air - "Look!" he shouts - "nobody even noticed!! you can do anything here and nobody cares, it's great!".

I clutched my red wine and sunk further into the sofa - watching the long suffering dog hoovering up the mess.

I have spoken to DP, it did not go well. I now face the night alone with a few glassess of red wine and mumsnet. Merry bloody christmas Xmas Grin

OP posts:
JosieZ · 04/12/2011 22:13

Sorry can't face reading 10 pages -

Can you agree it's his parents this year and your choice (tropical beach?) next year.

Seems fair.

ExitPursuedBySanta · 04/12/2011 22:34

Oh Hully. Make or model of car? Many games of A-Z on long journeys have descended into chaos on that pivotal subject.

Hardgoing · 04/12/2011 22:53

ViviPrudolf, I know it was on the first page, but your post made me laugh my head off. Our Christmases have that slow-motion quality at times...

cakeismysaviour · 04/12/2011 23:35

I had an ex whose family were a nightmare at the best of times and I had to suffer a few Christmas days with them. :(

I found that the answer was to get drunk - very drunk... Grin

p.s Would LOVE to see the video of the bum slap dance!

Tryharder · 05/12/2011 00:59

They sound hilarious. Not read all 10 pages, sorry. Why don't you just get pissed and join in the fun??

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/12/2011 09:06

OP.... You really must update. Has he told his parents yet? Are you going to do something together or separately at Christmas? I'm still agog... Confused

Funniest thread in a very long while... Grin

aldiwhore · 05/12/2011 09:11

If you want a happy future with your DH, and many happy christmasses to follow, this is the perfect time to lay down some ground rules.

Your part involves compromise, as does his. He either agrees to alternate Christmasses or he doesn't, if he doesn't can you really say you'd be happy with him forever getting your arse slapped on Christmas Day? It may seem a small and silly issue, but I'm sure after another 30 years of it it won't be!

This year, its a new start, and the first step is to say that this year you're having the Christmas of your choice. However, NEXT year, you need to do it his way... so buy some padded trousers, or learn to smack your FIL so hard he understands that it just isn't funny.

PludolphTheRedNosedReindeer · 05/12/2011 10:45

Sorry your talk with DP didn't go well. It doesn't actually sound all that funny to me.

Hope your relationship survives the separation. Maybe he will miss you, and it will turn him against the violent bullying frivolity of his Christmas! Smile

SirCliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 05/12/2011 11:34

Oh I'm sorry to hear that LittleEmmanuel. Whilst this thread has had its funny side, it's worth remembering that your relationship is breaking up because of the antics of this family.

I can understand him wanting you to accept his family, but I don't understand why there cannot be any compromise at all. That is his family, he cannot change that and he probably feels quite defensive of them. However you married him and not his family and it seems quite unfair of him to insist they all come with the package.

If you ever had children - can you imagine them being wrapped up in clingfilm? Or hurt by flying objects? I think these people have a lot of growing up to do and you are better off out of it before any children come along. A relationship is only made successful by mutual respect and compromise and it doesn't sound as though your dp was willing to budge on either.

I do wonder why you didn't mention your own family though? Could you not spend every other Christmas with them? What did he say about possible compromises such as only spending half a day with his family?

Ah well, you were looking forward to a Christmas free from falling acorns and bum slapping so let's hope you get a lovely relaxing one Smile

Chandon · 05/12/2011 15:03

sorry, but I think Christmas alone may be better for you???

I hope that you understand from the reactions on here, that it's not you who's mad, it's them.

TheScaryJessie · 05/12/2011 16:52

Okay, this advice is presumably a bit late, given your last post, but if you are/were trying to salvage your relationship, I don't think going to visit his parents at Christmas would help.

You'd just be scraping your misery there under the proverbial rug, where it would mount up and mount up, until you exploded.

ViviPrudolf · 05/12/2011 17:01

Hardgoing Xmas Grin slow motion is utterly it.

Hope things work out got the OP

ViviPrudolf · 05/12/2011 17:01

Got the op? wtf? For the OP

stealthsquiggle · 05/12/2011 17:18

How exactly is DP compromising to save this relationship, OP (if you are being more tolerant of his family)?

So - "let's have Christmas on our own and see your family before/after" was a non-starter then, I take it Sad? He doesn't get that you can love his family but not want to be with them, en masse, at Christmas?

WaxMyBoard · 05/12/2011 20:11

OP, my advice which I follow when I find the in-laws loveable quirks Xmas Hmm too much is to become the official photographer. Shielded by the camera you will arrive late morning and capture everything. The front door, the christmas decorations, the food, the antics - closeups and big wides.

Make sure you include everyone even BIL upstairs - his sequence would be photos of -door ajar, close up of him raising a glass, wide angle getting his location in room and close up of wine bottle label. Repeat for everthing even the dog.

You'll easily need 100 photos for this. After xmas get onto a photo printing website like Snapfish and make a lovely xmas album for all the family, copies all round, warm feeling towards you and the effort you made to be there.
You may retreat when the festivites threaten the expensive camera equipment.

JosieZ · 05/12/2011 22:04

My DH uses the camera ploy at most of the (not many) social outings we go to.

I'm chatting with boring family or attempting small talk with near strangers while he pooters around with camera equipmnet and large drink.

Then emails lots of pics to one and all over the next few days and is congratulated all round.

mathanxiety · 05/12/2011 22:19

So there goes my theory that you are in fact the duchess formerly known as Kate, LittleEmmanuel...

HippyHippopotamus · 06/01/2012 15:26

LittleEmanuel apologies if you've updated elsewhere but i've just found this thread on my list and wondered how your Christmas went...

Salmotrutta · 06/01/2012 15:32

I can see why your DPs brother drinks tbh.