For not wanting to go to his parents at Christmas because of stupid traditions they have

[LittleEmanuel]

DP and I have been going through a rough time lately to the point where I honestly thought it was over and was assuming I'd be single by the new year. We've recently (in the past week) decided to try and work things out.

Problem is we have been invited around to his parents (again) on Christmas day. We get invited every year and I hate it but this year I was rather excited at the prospect of not having to go.

However because DP and I are on dodgy ground and we're supposed to be trying to please each other right now, I kind of feel obliged but I really don't want to go. They have the most stupid, odd traditions like the bum slap dance and acorn throwing and it's just bloody ridiculous. I don't mind a bit of fun but this shit always goes too far, ends up with someone going off in a mood and makes me want to tear my own eyes out.

AIBU to tell DP I really don't want to go or will it jeapordise our relationship?

If it wernt for the relationship problems I would suggest you try to out do them! Slap them all round the face as you arrive wearing antlers bedecked with acorns which you then aim as FIL through out the day, painfully and when he is least expecting it.

If anyone complains you can say 'where's your sense of humour?'

Just spat out coffee upon reading about the uncle giving people wedgies.

These Christmases sound so much fun . Tell you what, OP, I'll take your dp and go to his Christmas, and you can come here and entertain my mil who has senile dementia and whose sole topic of conversation at the moment is her bowel habits and how good her "Tena pants" are.

It sounds like it's only you compromising. TBH after the first year I would not have been back.

Do they have some sort of issue that prevents them from talking and displaying physical affection and instead prefer to beat each other?

LOL @ Merrin's suggestion.

OP, your ILs sounds fucking irritating, tbh. I'm all for a few games at Christmas but not all that nonsense.

Not sure what I'd do in your shoes. Just go for a couple of hours maybe?

You'd be unreasonable NOT to talk to "D"P about this. Start the conversation with "I am an unrepentant snob (or whatever it is he calls you) and that's not going to change" because it's true. You are a perfectly sensible person who doesn't like a bit eternal-- of roughhousing. His family (and he?) aren't like that. If THEY can't compromise (eg lock you in the garden with the dog since you can't take it out, for instance?), then you just aren't compatable.

hide upstairs with dps brother and a large bottle of wine , take a straw so you dont have to venture downstairs to ask for a wineglass....

...but that doesnt help the bathroom problem that will be made worse by loads of wine drinking.

...i know ! take two bottles ....so you get that pissed you wont care if the loo has a door or not !

It sounds most bizarre and hilarious, I will go instead if you like.

Why not just loosen up a bit and go with the flow ? Who knows, you might even enjoy yourself. If it's only your in laws there it's not as if you're going to show yourself up, is it ? [caveat - play fighting in a restaurant is another kettle of fish]

I've been thinking of all the sitcoms on every tv channel in the hope that this is some kind of wind up. No, no one would believe it

I'm going to go slightly against the grain here and suggest you go. You can't win this one as the cards are stacked against you, even though YANBU. Apparently you are meant to be more tolerant of his wierdo family.

You are not going to have the great Christmas at home that you would like if you don't as it will never measure up to your DP's idea of the perfect family Christmas. Result, one of you stomping off.

Go, either join in or sit back and view it with slight detachment and ask yourself if this is what you want to be part of. I think you may get some clarity and choose to stomp off for good.

I've got to say that, on the face of it, I would have readily exchanged the terminal boredom that used to be Christmas at my former PIL's house. The slow process of too many meals, too much unfunny television and excruciating lack of any sort of conversation was only enlivened by my FIL also getting bored and winding up MIL over trivialities like the gravy.

But....I actually know that I couldn't tolerate the sort of Bear Garden of a Christmas that the OP describes. Which is hilarious to read but I'd find equally hideous to endure. We're a very convivial extended family but horrendous physicality and house trashing is firmly OFF the agenda. It'd do my head in to have to tolerate even one day's worth of Acorn Throwing, and that's before we contemplate the Arse Slap Dance so I think I'd find almost any excuse to cut the visit down if it were not possible to cut it out.

Have to say that I always used a combination of dogs and children to cope with Christmas with former PIL. All of them regularly required walking and it was easy to disappear for hours on end.

I guess, OP, it all depends on just how much of a deal breaker Christmas is with the ILs. If you and your DP are working at putting your relationship on a firmer footing then he, too, needs to compromise and accept that you find a whole day chucking acorns and small metal objects, sending large dogs beserk and avoiding wedgies would try the patience of a saint.

And you do realise that you're the ghost at the feast, don't you ? That they all probably laugh at you behind your back for being po-faced and Hyacinth Bucket

Am I in a parallel universe or something?? do people REALLY do this kind of stuff??

I am at work and have had to sit here shaking with silent mirth. They sound hilarious but can understand your reservations.

I suppose it depends on how much you love him. I'd go with suggestion that you get drunk with his brother.

7/10 OP - v amusing

Leave him

I may take some acorns to SILs for the usual family crimbo this year. It will be more entertaining than listening to DH, SIL, BIL and FIL all arguing.

No man is worth this, surely.

Did anyone else read Brave New World at school? The bum slap dance sounds like the Community Singing.

When I opened this thread I thought it was going to be that you got made to play charades (like at my ex in-laws). Now that was a resounding YANBU to want to duck out of!

YABU - I am going to introduce Acorn Throwing at my parents this year

I think I'd be already practicing my aim for the Monopoly piece/acorn throwing. Then on the day when it all kicks off, ensure that there are as many injuries as possible to the in-laws, preferably resulting in a trip to A&E for the main instigator. Then you can achieve a triple whammy of being able to go home, them reconsidering their view of 'entertainment' and with any luck, never being invited again.

Pandemoniaa, Are you my DP's ex?! (see my earlier post in this thread for cross-referencing purposes!)

OP, I think we may be related. I haven't been round my family's for Christmas for years because of this sort of chaos. My last time was the year someone bought my (adult) brothers rapid fire spud guns as presents. That was fun

How can people say that this sounds fun? They sounds like complete morons, the types that insist on telling you how whacky they are - 'I'm mad, me'.

It sounds like Shameless.

I wouldn't go. Sod that.

I am curious to know just how much damage could be inflicted by a flying acorn. Unless it hits you in the eye it can't do much, they're only tiny.

As for the house getting trashed, well, it's not your house to worry about - if MIL is perfectly happy with her shower curtain being pulled down and stuff getting damaged who are you to moan ?

Brilliant

ViviPrudolf - I think we must have an extended family in common! Even if they are so extended as to be unrelated! Funnily enough, ex-MIL always got most stressed over the so-called supper and usually it was a mysterious lack of Ritz crackers that kicked it off!