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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be horrified by parents taking illegal drugs at family parties?

188 replies

BillieBonkers · 01/12/2011 15:34

Parents disappearing upstairs and taking Coke, or smoking / inhaling cannabis while their kids are playing in other rooms, seems to be getting more and more 'usual' at parties or get togethers round here. And I feel like my other half and I are the only ones to find this upsetting and very worrying. There is one particuar couple with kids at the same school as ours who do this more than others, but they are cerainly not the only ones. And the attitude seems to be that this is quite acceptable, and if you don't agree then you are somehow abit 'square' or uptight (like being back at college...)
These parents are all in their 30s and 40s.
The worst time was when this couple had a party for their 8 year old, where about 20 other children were invited (without parents). A few other parents did stay (including me because I was concerned about leaving mine there unsupervised). During this party, while responsible for other children, this couple and a few others smoked dope, drank and took cocaine and were all completely 'under the influence'.
Their kids seem happy and well looked after, but do I have some responsibility to do anything about this, before something bad happens to one of those children :(

OP posts:

JamieComeHome · 01/12/2011 18:13

I don't think drinking is at all necessary at an afternoon children's party (although a glass of wine would be welcome). The trouble is, amongst certain circles, there's a lot of heads buried in sand regarding alcohol addiction. I know people who would never dream of doing without.

I was never with it and never will be cool. I'd be very turned off someone who took coke or smoked dope in such circumstances. IMO they need to grow up

DingDongDialsMavislyOnHigh · 01/12/2011 18:18

God I can only imagine small children running round kill the buzz some what!

EricNorthmansMistress · 01/12/2011 18:21

Maybe not serving alcohol at a kids party does constitute having a poker up my arse but I don't think so. All the grandparents and aunts and uncles will be coming over to give my DD her presents and celebrate with her. It seems a bit unfair to me that we would all celebrate her birthday in an adult manner which she can't partake of. Seems to me that she may feel a little excluded on her own birthdayS

That's the maddest thing I have read on mums net in a long time!

DingDongDialsMavislyOnHigh · 01/12/2011 18:22

Especially other peoples...ugh.

mumeeee · 01/12/2011 18:29

YANBU. You should report them.

kerala · 01/12/2011 18:30

Agree EricNorthernsmistress conjures up an image of a 3 year old just desperate for a quaff of chardonnay and seriously put out that granny gets some and she doesnt.

We always offer adults a glass of nice sparkling wine when we cut the cake wouldnt occur to me that this would make the kids jealous . We do alot of afterschool hosting as a group so its nice to make the party abit different for the adults.

AnyoneforTurps · 01/12/2011 18:31

Seconded. Why in the world would your DD feel excluded?

saltyair · 01/12/2011 18:34

GetOrf you have FOURTEEN 16 year olds staying? Why? Are you MAD?

CailinDana · 01/12/2011 18:40

I nearly dropped dead a few years ago when I went to a party at a workmate's house and a colleague asked the host's teenage daughter if she had any "pills." The teenager daughter then went and got whatever it was and she and her parents and few other workmates (all over 40) sat around getting high. All the younger people (of which I was one) just stood there agog, not knowing what to do. It was such an odd situation and I felt sorry for that girl that her parents have no interest whatever in her health and actually use her as a drug dealer. We upped and left not long after as the party became incredibly dull.

I would be horrified if parents were drunk or high while looking after kids. I think I'd report them.

BlueFergie · 01/12/2011 18:41

Oooh I am not used to this much attention on mumsnet. My posts never usually raise eyebrows. I am surprised that not serving alcohol at a kids party is the one to do it though, I would have thought it was a common enough position.
Possibly I am wrong and she wouldn't feel excluded (after all I have never done it so how do I know), but knowing my DD she would be more than a little put out to be the only one not getting something at a party. This is not a problem in the normal course of things she understands that she can't have everything that adults have but I think at her own birthday party it is not appropriate for everyone else to be drinking. I am talking about a family party with no other kids present except her brother not the actual childrens birthday party, although I don't serve alcohol at that either!!
This is really a side issue anyway because I don't think a kids party in the morning/ early afternoon is a place for drinking anyway and thats the reason I don't serve it regardless of my DD's views on the matter.
I must stress that this is not something I feel terribly strongly about, I just don't think its neccessary so I don't do it. Other people do, thats fine.

saltyair · 01/12/2011 18:49

Just out of interest, the people who are saying 'report it to the authorities', who are you suggesting OP reports it to? And what do you think they would do?

AnyoneforTurps · 01/12/2011 18:55

bluefergie Ah, a morning party - I'm with you!

Proudnscary · 01/12/2011 18:57

I know people that occasionally take coke when their kids are asleep if they are throwing a party or summat.

I know it's illegal, I know it's a bit wrong and cringey and stuff, but they are not out of control and I don't see it as much different than me drinking gallons of wine every weekend parents having a few drinks when the kids are in bed.

exoticfruits · 01/12/2011 19:05

I think it is hugely different to a drink, it is illegal. No one should be drinking to excess with DCs either. Once people have DCs they have to be responsible and they shouldn't be doing anything that they don't want their DCs to do when older. I wouldn't report, but neither would I be friends anymore.

spiderpig8 · 01/12/2011 19:12

'Just out of interest, the people who are saying 'report it to the authorities', who are you suggesting OP reports it to? And what do you think they would do?'
well i would imagine social services would take a pretty dim view of people taking coke around their children!

thousandDenierStocking · 01/12/2011 19:19

depends on the group of people, rather than the fact there's a bit of gak about.

Some parents could probably remain perfectly in control after a couple of wines and a line, some parents manage to be totally irresponsible arseholes without touching anything.

exoticfruits · 01/12/2011 19:19

And so they should.

exoticfruits · 01/12/2011 19:20

Sorry-in reply to spiderpig about ss.

saltyair · 01/12/2011 19:22

They might possibly take a bit of a dim view spider, but what would SS actually do given this report 'my friends had a party and some of them went upstairs and took some coke and had a spliff and they were drinking and there were children downstairs'.

It wouldn't meet the threshhold for action by about a thousand miles, especially as the kids were not in any way harmed, and were (as the OP says) happy and looked after.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 01/12/2011 19:26

DH's line of work means that pretty much whenever he goes to work he is surrounded by people (punters and colleagues) using recreational drugs and alcohol. DS1 has been to see him work a couple of times and we have been very very careful to protect him from exposure to this. It is so damaging. We have lost 2 friends through their reckless use of recreational drugs and another's mental health is so badly damaged he will never be able to live independently.

Doing it at a child's party is just plain horrible. It's complacent, reckless and, frankly, rather laughable. Are they trying to retrieve some lost youth or something? Yuck. Cut them out of your life as much as you possibly can.

SardineQueen · 01/12/2011 19:43

This is what I don't like about how some people see SS. SS are not there to report people doing things that others don't like. If someone is doing something illegal then if you are going to call anyone call the police. Calling SS when children are happy and well looked after seems more an attempt to punish the parents than anything else.

Do people really think that these happy, well looked after children will be better off in care? What are they actually trying to achieve? If the problem is the illegality then call the police.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 01/12/2011 19:56

I also come from that world where casual recreational drug use is not seen as something shocking/immoral but is more par for the course and no one turns a hair at it ... in your 20s and early 30s. After that, people start having children and just grow up a bit. Even though I have experimented with all sorts of drugs I am definitely VERY catsbum when acquaintances of mine use drugs at parties now. There has to come a point when you grow out of it, surely.

I would be super-hyper catsbum over people using drugs at a children's party and ditto getting drunk. I don't mind a glass of wine for the grown ups at a dc birthday party, but feel desperately sorry for the sad souls who don't know how to stop at one and then have to call a taxi or their long-suffering partner to come and collect them and the dc 2 hours after everyone else has gone home.

pictish · 01/12/2011 20:00

Even though I have experimented with all sorts of drugs I am definitely VERY catsbum when acquaintances of mine use drugs at parties now. There has to come a point when you grow out of it, surely.

Why? Why do we have to grow out of it?

Proudnscary · 01/12/2011 20:01

Hold on what are we talking about here?

I have been at family parties where people get pissed, including myself, with kids around.

I have been at NYE parties or 40ths where people have taken coke after the kids have gone to bed.

I have not been to parties, described above by bibbity, where people are at afternoon kids' tea parties and get horrendously drunk and partners have to 'pick them up after everyone else has gone home'. I've never served booze at my kids' parties only at big family piss ups like adults' birthdays etc.

(I'm clarifying because I posted earlier and don't want people to think I serve lines of coke at my dc's soft play parties or similar)

pictish · 01/12/2011 20:01

I don't mind a glass of wine for the grown ups at a dc birthday party, but feel desperately sorry for the sad souls who don't know how to stop at one and then have to call a taxi or their long-suffering partner to come and collect them and the dc 2 hours after everyone else has gone home

Ach don't feel sorry for them....they've had a great time!

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