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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified by parents taking illegal drugs at family parties?

188 replies

BillieBonkers · 01/12/2011 15:34

Parents disappearing upstairs and taking Coke, or smoking / inhaling cannabis while their kids are playing in other rooms, seems to be getting more and more 'usual' at parties or get togethers round here. And I feel like my other half and I are the only ones to find this upsetting and very worrying. There is one particuar couple with kids at the same school as ours who do this more than others, but they are cerainly not the only ones. And the attitude seems to be that this is quite acceptable, and if you don't agree then you are somehow abit 'square' or uptight (like being back at college...)
These parents are all in their 30s and 40s.
The worst time was when this couple had a party for their 8 year old, where about 20 other children were invited (without parents). A few other parents did stay (including me because I was concerned about leaving mine there unsupervised). During this party, while responsible for other children, this couple and a few others smoked dope, drank and took cocaine and were all completely 'under the influence'.
Their kids seem happy and well looked after, but do I have some responsibility to do anything about this, before something bad happens to one of those children :(

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 01/12/2011 15:51

Where are all these parties happening with coke and dope????

Errrr I mean, gosh that is AWFUL Blush

GreyTS · 01/12/2011 15:53

Gosh I know some parents in our circle use drugs socially but never around their own children and certainly not in charge of other kids! Def unacceptable and I would want to know if mine were being taken care of by inebriated adults - drug or alcohol induced. And no don't think one glass of wine is comparable to a line of coke.

Lizzylou · 01/12/2011 15:53

Blimey, I have to make new friends.
Or perhaps point my boys towards the kids with dirty druggie more interesting parents.

LapsedPacifist · 01/12/2011 15:54

It's no "more prevalent" than it ever was. Seriously - do you have any idea how much dope was smoked at parties in the 70's and 80's? At least nowadays most people wouldn't dream of smoking ANYTHING indoors any more, especially when children are present. Most puffers are lurking at the bottom of the garden, whatever they're smoking.

Why is it worse than drinking alcohol at parties where children are present? Assuming that the snorting/inhaling isn't actually going on the front of the kids?

nofrikkincarbs · 01/12/2011 15:55

happens a lot round here too, not at childrens parties specifically, but at gatherings where children are present

EricNorthmansMistress · 01/12/2011 15:56

A couple of drinks or a shared spliff - fine. Off their tits on coke - not fine. Though I question how typical your mates are because I have never come across this, ever.

hardboiledpossum · 01/12/2011 15:58

I've seen this, not at a childrens party but at an evening dinner party where children were present.
I remember being offered coke by a friends parents at a dinner party when I was 16! They were really rich and posh not some family off Jeremy Kyle!

Callisto · 01/12/2011 16:01

Actually, I think being off ones face on dope is far worse than alcohol or cocaine. Dope is awful, brain-frying stuff and it seriously impairs judgement. However, I do get very po-faced about coke, mainly because of the way it is manufactured. It's not exactly fair-trade stuff and workers in cocaine factories are horribly exploited. It always amazes me that people who only buy fairtrade tea and coffee etc think nothing of buying and using cocaine.

Overcooked · 01/12/2011 16:05

Jeez BluFergie I'm glad your not in my circle of friends you sound like you have a poker right up your arse. I really cannot see what it is wrong to have alcohol at a kid's party (for the adults of course) - getting lashed and stripping off would be too far of course, but I would always offer guests a glass of wine or beer at DD's party - is it just me...

Get0rf · 01/12/2011 16:07

Totally agree Callisto - people who smoke weed are far more likely to be negligent and completely incompetent than coke or alcohol users.

MrsTwinks · 01/12/2011 16:15

LapsedPacifist yes the 70's/80's it was alot more arround but I disagree a bit.

My parents are/were absolutely fucking shocking in what they did, but it was never obvious to me they were taking drugs. I just figured they rolled their own and I never saw anything else. But I'm told tales of my Dad going batshit crazy at my aunt taking coke in the house while we were there. The tales I hear of what everyone got up to when we were kids it was all "you were with granny" etc, except the ones when they were going batshit crazy at people who were off it when we were arround. Wouldn't have happened at a kids party thats for sure! At least amongst my folks circle.

IMHO being shitfaced under the influence on anything while in charge of kids is out of line. If you can't drive you should be looking after someone elses kids. So YANBU

redpanda13 · 01/12/2011 16:22

Wow where do you live? I want to check out house prices on Rightmove!
I have to go to a child's party at the weekend and you have really got my hopes up!
Seriously though I have never been to a party where this happened and children were present. Never heard of anyone else experiencing it either until I read your post.

maddening · 01/12/2011 16:22

whether drink or drugs (both as bad as each other in excess) you shouldn't be out of it looking after children!

MrGingleBells · 01/12/2011 16:36

Totally agree Callisto - people who smoke weed are far more likely to be negligent and completely incompetent than coke or alcohol users.

Not that I condone either but it's a matter of quantity isn't it.

Given the choice of someone who's smoked a light joint and someone who's sunk 2 bottles of White Stripe or done a gram of coke, I think I'd prefer the former to look after my child if I had to choose.

aubergineinautumn · 01/12/2011 16:37

I've seen this too.

It's very normal in some circles.

Taking drugs doesn't have a magical sterilisation effect, they have DCs and continue as before.

There's some stat that c. 100,000 DCs are living with a parents with a drug/alcohol problem IIRC.

BlueFergie · 01/12/2011 16:38

Wow overcooked don't hold back there! Maybe not serving alcohol at a kids party does constitute having a poker up my arse but I don't think so. All the grandparents and aunts and uncles will be coming over to give my DD her presents and celebrate with her. It seems a bit unfair to me that we would all celebrate her birthday in an adult manner which she can't partake of. Seems to me that she may feel a little excluded on her own birthday.
I don't have huge moral objections to having a couple of drinks in front of kids, we hosted a lunch to celebrate BILs engagement and had beer/wine/champagne at that. For me personally I don't think it is needed at a kids party.

Get0rf · 01/12/2011 16:38

Yes you're probably right - just that is my own experiences coming out (couple of family members with mental health issues after years of smoking weed, and they were always completely out of it after one joint).

I never know when people are on coke - at a party (no kids) years ago I said to DP that one of the women there was particularly animated and very interested in talking about my dress and how lovely it was - he said that she was on coke. I can never tell.

MollyTheMole · 01/12/2011 16:40

Depends if they are incapable of looking after the kids I suppose. They are more likely to be a danger if they are pissed so tbh Id be more worried about the amount they drink than the other stuff.

As for reporting them? Id say mind your own unless they are drinking copious amounts. A few lines and a couple of spliffs would wear off by the time they got home, but the booze wouldnt.

ExquisiteChristmasCake · 01/12/2011 16:41

I'm with Worral, what kind of people are you friends with? When you say house do you mean squat?

CarrieInAnotherTWOBabiTWINS · 01/12/2011 16:50

when you think about it how oftern do you go to family dos, where parents are rat arsed//?

nearly every family party i go to theres families there and the parents are pissed.

or the dad always gets pissed and leaves the mum to do all thework with the kids

SardineQueen · 01/12/2011 16:53

I'm surprised that people are being so open about it in front of you when it's clear that you don't partake. Most people who use drugs recreationally and have children are super-careful about who they allow to know about it. For obvious reasons.

I also think you need a new group of friends.

MrGingleBells · 01/12/2011 16:54

Get0rf I do know what you mean. Someone zonked out on a heavy skunk spliff is going to in a worse condition to look after kids than someone who's just done a line of coke or had a glass of wine.

Although I'd posit that coke and alcohol are more likely to lead to anger.

I know a single parent who smokes a fair bit of weed. Daily. But his XP was an abusive alcoholic who drank, quite literally, herself to death. He was the one who single handedly bought his daughter and his step daughter up despite his habit.

I wouldn't dream of reporting him though.

TheBolter · 01/12/2011 16:55

Ge0rf 'one of the women there was particularly animated and very interested in talking about my dress and how lovely it was'

That really made me chuckle!

Get0rf · 01/12/2011 16:58

She was. I was kind of backing away from her in the end as she was harping on about how well cut the hem was Hmm. DP said her eyes were on stalks (I never noticed). Grin

I get rather uneasy in large gatherings where it goes from jolly wine quaffing to that sense of unease when people start getting lairy because they have drunk too much. Thanksfully have not attended parties like this - but hate the atmosphere sometimes you get in pubs, it makes me run.

TheBolter · 01/12/2011 16:59

I stopped doing coke before I got pg with dd1, but I still like to partake in smoking dope. Never in front of the children though - I won't even smoke cigarettes in front of them. Strictly for nights out only.

I can understand the need for a doobie or two at a children's birthday party, but I would be utterly useless afterwards so I can't for the life of me understand why anyone would. Isn't it a bit sad at our age to feel we have to cross the barriers of being a responsible adult into slightly twatty territory, I assume for the sake of looking 'with it'?