I am Not BU ...I know I'm not! Tell me if I am though!!! (feck, a long one!!!)

[troisgarcons]

I don't do real anger IRL - I save my Victor Meldew moments for dramatic effect . But I've gone past being miffed to bloody annoyed today to just a bit wound up at the moment!

So not so much of an AIBU (although you can tell me if am) more of a "give me a subtle and diplomatic form of words for tomorrow"

Back story - had a lot of building work done in the house necessitating a massive clear out of all that stuff you may keep.

I had a very expensive set of Disney books, roughly £300 worth plus a complete set of republished Ladybird ABC books, which were used by my 3 boys. All still immaculate (no turned corners, no broken spines, scribbles etc) because this is a book loving house. So they ranged from pre-school learning the alphabet, to building upon it and through to roughly aged 9 (ish) - and they were predominantly male orientated books.

My children have outgrown those books and I'm beyond cluttering the loft for 10 years in case grandchildren appear.

As you know I work in a school, which has a high SEN in take, many children still have a reading age of 5-7 despite being in Y9. I spoke with one of the lead LSAs - lovely, she said, bring them in, our books are a bit shoddy.

Took them in this morning, left them with the other lead LSA (who knew I was donating these books to the SEN Dept) with the comment "these are the books I promised you (on Monday) I've brought in for the (SEN) department".

I walked past the SEN dept 10 mins later, several TAs and one lead LSA on the floor stuffing books in handbags

I said "what are you doing?"
LSA "my grandson will love these"
Me: "I brought these in for the department"
LSA: "but my grandson will love these"
Me: cats arse face "I...donated...these to the the department
LSA: "but they are lovely, my grandson will love these"
Me: I think you misunderstood, I donated these for your 1-2-1
2 literacy time - TBH they are worth in excess of £300 - I could have sold them on eBay"
TA: "I'll buy you some chocolates!!!!"
Me: sarcasm mode "I need wine to get over this"
TA: "ok,wine it is then"
ME: (to the LSA) "I brought these in for the literacy time"
LSA "I know, but my grandson will love these"
Me: "you are missing the point - I donated these - I could have sold them if I didnt want them to be properly used"
LSA: "but my grandson will love these!"

I'm bloody annoyed. I think I was clear enough in what I said, and tone and facial expressions......... oh and the TA was leaving tonight with a heaving carrier bag, which she saw me pointedly looking at ....and said "I won't forget your wine tomorrow"

Do I

(A) accept that some children will benefit from those books and let it go and chalk it up to experience?

(B) see the SENCO tomorrow

in a bit of a catch 22 - the TA is by best mates SIL and the LSA and I work closely together at various points in the year and I need her good will for the smooth running of my job.

BUT! if either of them had said "Trois, those are lovely books, can I have a few please?" I would have willingly said yes.

As an aside, funding is short and these books would have enhanced the current curriculum reading schemes.

YADnotBU and I would have taken them home if they could not guarantee that they were going to be kept at school.

See SENCO tomorrow and demand the books are either returned to the school or to you, fuck the wine.

YANBU and they are basically stealing.

Go straight to the Senco. Explain that if the books are not going to be used for the benefit of the school, then you will take them home again. Do not back down. Do not accept the wine. If the TA tries to give you the wine tomorrow, say "I explained yesterday that the books were for school. I will need you to return them on Friday".

I'd be making the head aware of the situation as effectively it could be classed as stealing.

YANBU - I'd have been mightily annoyed too.

Smacks of that thread a while back where someone donated an x-box or something to a school and something similar happened.

The wine was total utter sarcam on my part - and the TA knows me well enough to know when I'm being sarcastic.

I am actually really fucked off.

it was difficult situation with all the TAs in their meeting room at once, I couldnt do a full on strop - but I thought I had made myself abundently clear - I'm not one to undermine the Lead LSAs authority over the TAs

So they are stealing books donated to the school for the benefit of the pupils?

Would they steal books from a library?

Headteacher, straight away.

Agree with above. Selfish stealing fuckers

Absolutely complain/make it formal. I can't believe the cheek of them, especially as you confronted them! I'd insist on them back if they are just going to be misappropriated.

theft, plain and simple.

You are definitely DEFINITELY not BU!

To be honest I can't believe that they didn't have the decency to look shamefaced and immediately acquiesce when you first said that your intention was that they be used in school. Some people have such a nerve!!

As far as what to say tomorrow, could you get the SENCO to say that they had planned to use the books in school and obviously there must have been a misunderstanding so could they bring them back in?

Am on your behalf!

YANBU- the books were for the school, not for the personal use of someone who wanted them. I'm gobsmacked that they felt free to help themselves.

I have no words. Except, well YANBU

Bloodyt hell! I am quite cross on your behalf. You need to get these books back. What are they thinking???

YaNNNNNNBU.

WOW! YANBU at all!

I have never heard anything like it.

Headteacher, first thing tomorrow. That is appalling.

YADNBU! That's disgusting behaviour! Stealing donations?! I'd be demanding them back and refuse to donate again. Sad world we live in that people do this :(

Cor - I'd be fuming too. You didn't offer them to her. You made an offer to the school for them to be enjoyed by lots of kids who don't have many resources. Not for someone to say that would be lovely, then take them home for their grandson.

I would be telling the woman who took them to return them back to the school asap. Have you got her home number/mobile?

If she refuses see the Headteacher.

I'm actually horrified. I worked as a TA for a while and would never have dreamt of behaving like that, amazing!

I think sod speaking to any of the involved parties again at this stage, and the SIL friend connection has to become irrelevant. Go in a bit early tomorrow and put the ball well and truly in the Head's court.

YANBU...I think I may walk into DDs classroom tomorrow at drop off, pick up the computer and say 'I would really love one of these at home' and walk out with it. As apparently it's fine to just steal resources from classrooms (or is that only if you work there )

omg you HAVE to complain

that is so out of order.
they've stolen donated items basically. despite you asking them not to.

i am gobsmacked

stuffing books in handbags isnt an exaggeration; because they carry materials from class to class for a variety of pupils/reasons, they all carry what can only be described as 'Gladstone bags'.

I dont norrmally get wound up (honestly, I don't) but the fact I fronted them out and it was just accepted that they had first dibs on things.

Because I'm quite outspoken, and frankly blunt, I need you guys to find me a form of words to bring this up with the SENCo tomorrow morning - without me having a complete hissy and announcing his department is staffed by manic kleptomaniacs.