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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am Not BU ...I know I'm not! Tell me if I am though!!! (feck, a long one!!!)

157 replies

troisgarcons · 30/11/2011 20:46

I don't do real anger IRL - I save my Victor Meldew moments for dramatic effect Grin. But I've gone past being miffed to bloody annoyed today to just a bit wound up at the moment!

So not so much of an AIBU (although you can tell me if am) more of a "give me a subtle and diplomatic form of words for tomorrow"

Back story - had a lot of building work done in the house necessitating a massive clear out of all that stuff you may keep.

I had a very expensive set of Disney books, roughly £300 worth plus a complete set of republished Ladybird ABC books, which were used by my 3 boys. All still immaculate (no turned corners, no broken spines, scribbles etc) because this is a book loving house. So they ranged from pre-school learning the alphabet, to building upon it and through to roughly aged 9 (ish) - and they were predominantly male orientated books.

My children have outgrown those books and I'm beyond cluttering the loft for 10 years in case grandchildren appear.

As you know I work in a school, which has a high SEN in take, many children still have a reading age of 5-7 despite being in Y9. I spoke with one of the lead LSAs - lovely, she said, bring them in, our books are a bit shoddy.

Took them in this morning, left them with the other lead LSA (who knew I was donating these books to the SEN Dept) with the comment "these are the books I promised you (on Monday) I've brought in for the (SEN) department".

I walked past the SEN dept 10 mins later, several TAs and one lead LSA on the floor stuffing books in handbags Shock

I said "what are you doing?"
LSA "my grandson will love these"
Me: "I brought these in for the department"
LSA: "but my grandson will love these"
Me: cats arse face "I...donated...these to the the department
LSA: "but they are lovely, my grandson will love these"
Me: I think you misunderstood, I donated these for your 1-2-1
2 literacy time - TBH they are worth in excess of £300 - I could have sold them on eBay"
TA: "I'll buy you some chocolates!!!!" Confused
Me: sarcasm mode "I need wine to get over this"
TA: "ok,wine it is then"
ME: (to the LSA) "I brought these in for the literacy time"
LSA "I know, but my grandson will love these"
Me: "you are missing the point - I donated these - I could have sold them if I didnt want them to be properly used"
LSA: "but my grandson will love these!"

I'm bloody annoyed. I think I was clear enough in what I said, and tone and facial expressions......... oh and the TA was leaving tonight with a heaving carrier bag, which she saw me pointedly looking at ....and said "I won't forget your wine tomorrow"

Do I

(A) accept that some children will benefit from those books and let it go and chalk it up to experience?

(B) see the SENCO tomorrow

in a bit of a catch 22 - the TA is by best mates SIL and the LSA and I work closely together at various points in the year and I need her good will for the smooth running of my job.

BUT! if either of them had said "Trois, those are lovely books, can I have a few please?" I would have willingly said yes.

As an aside, funding is short and these books would have enhanced the current curriculum reading schemes.

OP posts:
PontyMython · 01/12/2011 07:26

Utterly shocking. I do see your reasons for not going straight to the top, but I think it is NOT a petty problem. It is theft, which in some cases is an instantly sackable offence.

It shows not only lack of respect for you and the school's resources, but also for the students - they are willing to take a valuable resource from somebody who desperately needs it, to give to a toddler?

LoveBeingAFirework · 01/12/2011 07:40

I can't believe how shameless they were either. How many times should you have to repeat yourself? How many othertimes has she done this Sad

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/12/2011 07:52

That email seems very well worded, and I hope that it does the trick, trois. I am sitting here fuming on your behalf at such blatant theft. I would be horrified and appalled if something I had donated to a school was taken home by the staff - I wouldn't expect that to happen with money, and books are no different.

lolaflores · 01/12/2011 07:54

am outraged at their sense of entitlement. it is stealing. please do let us know what your headteacher says. because the books are really still your property. she is one hard faced article though I must say. keep us posted

Chandon · 01/12/2011 07:54

I would go to the head!!!

And do NOT accept the wine. That would imply you are o.k. with it.

grabby cheeky mare!

PrincessFiorimonde · 01/12/2011 08:28

I am really shocked by this. People in a position of trust helping themselves to resources intended for SN children - words fail me.

OP, I hope your SENCO acts instantly.

IteotYEARawki · 01/12/2011 08:35

YANBU, how would anyone think otherwise? Though tbh, if it had been me I'd have said something along the lines of "I donated these to the school, not your grandchildren. If they aren't going to stay here I won't donate them - please return them to me now." and I'd have put them all back in my car.

Thieving woman should buy her own books not steal from you or the school.

HSMM · 01/12/2011 08:46

If you had donated 10 laptops to the school, would it have been ok for them to take them home for their grandchildren?

Like others have said, it is stealing.

angelpuss · 01/12/2011 08:51

YANBU

This makes me very sad Sad and angry Angry. Hope that your email has the desired effect and that the books get returned to where they belong

CumpyGrunt · 01/12/2011 09:06

How terrible.

The barefaced cheek of some people is unbelievable.

I think the email is fine & I hope the SENCO acts straight away, Please come back & let us know what happens.

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 01/12/2011 09:11

How awful, please update us on the consequences of you email. (well worded btw)

NinkyNonker · 01/12/2011 09:14

I'm waiting for the outcome of this, am still Shock.

ujjayi · 01/12/2011 09:20

I have nothing to add but agree wholeheartedly with everyone else. I am so absolutely shocked that this LSA would behave this way. And it saddens me too. I truly hope this is resolved with a positive outcome. It is theft. Any chance you could confront her again today and demand she returns them?

kreechergotstuckupthechimney · 01/12/2011 09:25

Shock [anger] [outrage]

wannaBe · 01/12/2011 09:29

wow - a unanimous yanbu thread. Wink Grin

Op - I think you need to speak to the ht about this as well (in conjunction with the senco if need be) because in reality this probably isn't a one off.

In most places of work stealing is considered gross misconduct and is grounds for immediate dismissal.

Personally I think they should both be sacked.

HandMini · 01/12/2011 09:39

Trois - please let us know the outcome. I hope the books come back and I hope the book thief (or thieves, not totally clear if it was both of them) do not try and brazen this out.

CamperFan · 01/12/2011 09:47

I would like to know the response to your email, OP. I am Shock on your behalf. I agree with wannabe, that I would take it further because I would wonder what else was happening in that department.

debtpenguin · 01/12/2011 10:31

YANBU - how awful especially as the books have a lot of meaning to you, and you wanted them to be used for such a useful cause. Absolute rubbish - like other posters have said, basically stealing. Get them back!

Cheeser · 01/12/2011 10:34
ChickensThinkYouCanGetStuffed · 01/12/2011 10:38

YANBU. I demand that you go apeshit and get every single book back

corygal · 01/12/2011 10:49

YANBU. Might sound melodramatic, but it's theft - indubitably so when you told the takers it was agreed the items would belong to the school. Brazen nicking, indeed.

I would report this because a) the women didn't return them when you told them they weren't allowed to have them b) that brazenness is not a good sign about what may have happened before/could happen again with school property c) they ought to get a firm telling-off for pinching things to nip thieving in the bud.

There might be a thieving subculture you aren't aware of - if so, that needs dealing with.

ItWasABoojum · 01/12/2011 10:53

How lovely of you to donate such expensive books instead of selling them - I am Angry that such a kind gesture could be met with such barefaced self-interest. Hope your email does the trick.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 01/12/2011 10:57

also lurking for update.

If SENCO doesn't give you the response you need aka all the books back nowish, then I agree you should go to the head. Fuck everyone being related, it doesn't give them the right to do whatever they want.

lottiegb · 01/12/2011 10:58

Thieves. You must get the books back.

Good e-mail. I'd probably mention (2nd para) that the books are valuable and you'd considered selling them but made the decision that they offered better value to the school-children.

I'd be concerned though that this behaviour forms part of the culture of the school. Unless these staff are new (doesn't sound like it) there must be a reason why they thought they could get away with doing this in full view of other staff. You might need to empahsise in your e-mail that you regard this as theft of a valuable donation, or otherwise make clear that you will take it further if not dealt with effectively.

OhTheConfusion · 01/12/2011 11:03

Would they take the text books from the shelves too?!?

If their grandchildren would love them then save up and purchase them. Im sure many of the children they were intended for are not in a position to have access to such nice books at home.

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