I am Not BU ...I know I'm not! Tell me if I am though!!! (feck, a long one!!!)

[troisgarcons]

I don't do real anger IRL - I save my Victor Meldew moments for dramatic effect . But I've gone past being miffed to bloody annoyed today to just a bit wound up at the moment!

So not so much of an AIBU (although you can tell me if am) more of a "give me a subtle and diplomatic form of words for tomorrow"

Back story - had a lot of building work done in the house necessitating a massive clear out of all that stuff you may keep.

I had a very expensive set of Disney books, roughly £300 worth plus a complete set of republished Ladybird ABC books, which were used by my 3 boys. All still immaculate (no turned corners, no broken spines, scribbles etc) because this is a book loving house. So they ranged from pre-school learning the alphabet, to building upon it and through to roughly aged 9 (ish) - and they were predominantly male orientated books.

My children have outgrown those books and I'm beyond cluttering the loft for 10 years in case grandchildren appear.

As you know I work in a school, which has a high SEN in take, many children still have a reading age of 5-7 despite being in Y9. I spoke with one of the lead LSAs - lovely, she said, bring them in, our books are a bit shoddy.

Took them in this morning, left them with the other lead LSA (who knew I was donating these books to the SEN Dept) with the comment "these are the books I promised you (on Monday) I've brought in for the (SEN) department".

I walked past the SEN dept 10 mins later, several TAs and one lead LSA on the floor stuffing books in handbags

I said "what are you doing?"
LSA "my grandson will love these"
Me: "I brought these in for the department"
LSA: "but my grandson will love these"
Me: cats arse face "I...donated...these to the the department
LSA: "but they are lovely, my grandson will love these"
Me: I think you misunderstood, I donated these for your 1-2-1
2 literacy time - TBH they are worth in excess of £300 - I could have sold them on eBay"
TA: "I'll buy you some chocolates!!!!"
Me: sarcasm mode "I need wine to get over this"
TA: "ok,wine it is then"
ME: (to the LSA) "I brought these in for the literacy time"
LSA "I know, but my grandson will love these"
Me: "you are missing the point - I donated these - I could have sold them if I didnt want them to be properly used"
LSA: "but my grandson will love these!"

I'm bloody annoyed. I think I was clear enough in what I said, and tone and facial expressions......... oh and the TA was leaving tonight with a heaving carrier bag, which she saw me pointedly looking at ....and said "I won't forget your wine tomorrow"

Do I

(A) accept that some children will benefit from those books and let it go and chalk it up to experience?

(B) see the SENCO tomorrow

in a bit of a catch 22 - the TA is by best mates SIL and the LSA and I work closely together at various points in the year and I need her good will for the smooth running of my job.

BUT! if either of them had said "Trois, those are lovely books, can I have a few please?" I would have willingly said yes.

As an aside, funding is short and these books would have enhanced the current curriculum reading schemes.

I think in this situation blunt is fine.

i would just say something along the lines of "I saw X,Y and Z taking the books I donated yesterday. I asked them to stop, and pointed out that I was donating the books to the school but they took them anyway. Please could you ask for them back"

What a cheeky bitch! I'm sure her grandson would love a laptop too - is she going to steal one of those?

They sound like such an excellent resource for the school - how dare she deprive other children like this?

She is BU, but why didn't you make it clear at the time that she had to put them back on the shelf or whatever?

You had this conversation about chocolates and wine and (it sounds like) you didn't at any point say "I don't want you to take those books, I want them to be used by the children at this school". So, especially if this woman is a bit rhino-hide, she could bluff it out and say you never told her she could not take the books.

Sounds like it could get messy.

Speak to the SENCO, and the Head if you get no joy with the SENCO (I used to work in a school and almost never tell anyone to speak to the Headteacher about something)

Tell them that you donated the books to the school SEN Department, that you were very clear they were for the SCHOOL to use in Literacy time - and that you saw these members of staff taking the books for their own personal use, which they freely admitted to, despite you saying to them they were for the school.

I would request that the SENCO tells the staff involved that the books are to be returned to the school (and I'd then get them returned to you by the SENCO) - because if they return them to the school, there's every chance they'll be taking them back home again in a week or two anyway.

wow, that's stealing. i would personally have a massive strop - i can't believe their cheek in taking them! YAdefNBU

YADNBU, and in your shoes I'd give the head teacher the chance to deal with it first, but if the staff don't bring the books back I'd be reporting the theft to the police. Because it is theft, and I do believe in reporting even minor crimes - my argument is that the police only know which crimes are happening if people actually report them, so I wouldn't let this slide.

Furious on your behalf.

Not "please could you ask for them back" but "I consider this to be stealing, and I expect the books to be returned to the school for their use by X date or to me by X date." I still think you need to involve the head. This is a serious matter.

SENCO, I oticed that the books you have are looking slightly tatty and we decided that it would be a lovely gesture to donate our books which the boys have outgrown to the school rather than sell them on eBay. I am dismayed and appalled that the TA (was it one) has decided to cherry pick from the donations to take home for her grandchildren. If I knew this was going to happen then I would not have brought them in but would have advertised them for sale. I would like them returned to the school and a guarantee put in place that they will not find their way out of here again. If this is not done then I will take the matter further and take them home.

Sadly I think that if they come back then it will only be a matter of time that they find their way back to the TA and I would request them back and sell them and maybe donate some of the proceeds to the SENCO to buy new books.

Handmini- the OP reiterated many times that the books had been donated for the children's use.

YADNBU

Thieving twat! You say you either get the stuff back within 24 hours or you will call the police - no ifs, buts or maybes

Oh and put it in writing.

I do agree with Handmini that you weren't very clear or assertive with the stealing woman. This wasn't the moment for cutting sarcasm, but that's easy to say with hindsight I realise.

Yes, I get that, and the woman who took the books was very likely being thick on purpose/pretending not to understand, but I just don't get why Trois didn't say "No, don't take them, please put them back immediately as they're for the school, not for you to take".

Go to the HT. Get your books back and take them home. YANBU, not one bit.

I gave books to the DCs' school earlier this school year (nothing like your nice titles, just many softcover beginner reader ones for practice) and they are all still there; the teacher and TA (a friend of mine) rotate them for reading time. I would be really, really mad if the books had been stolen instead.

I feel very for you! YANBU!

You go in to see the SENCO and you say quite calmly that you brought the books in for the school and they were taken away by the TA and LSA and you want them brought back.

Explain that as you can't trust that they won't be taken away, you are going to donate them to some other worthy cause instead. Express your disappointment about the theiving gits how you can't leave them for the students at the school.

It's often hard to find the words sometimes when you're faced with something completely unexpected and as barefaced as the scene Troisgarcons witnessed. I think I would have been too gobsmacked to say anything right there and then.

Headteacher,

I was really disturbed by an event yesterday. As you know I've been having work done at home, and I decided after discussion with LSA to donate 2 very good collections of books to the school to enhance the literacy provision. I gave these books to Annoying LSA yesterday morning and told her that these
were the books we had discussed.

Unfortunately, when I passed the room a scarce 10 minutes later there were several members of staff putting the books in their handbags with plans to give them to their grandchildren.

Thinking generously, giving them the benefit of the doubt, I reiterated that they were for the school, to which they offered to buy chocolates/wine as payment. I may have been sarcastic at this point.

I've come to you as this places me in a difficult position. Firstly and obviously this is theft against the school. Secondly I have to work with these TAs and LSA and my respect for them has decreased commensurately.

I'm not asking you to necessarily take action, that is your decision to take, but I feel that you should know that this has happened.

And now do you mind if I go and pull their hair and scream at them?

How's that? Maybe not the last bit...

It's absolutely appalling, as well as theft, as well as completely lacking in any morals or ethics whatsoever.

However, you need words for the headteacher.

"Headperson, I brought some books in yesterday to donate to the department which I knew would be extremely valuable for the 1-2-1 literacy programme. I was shocked to see X leaving with them in her bag for her own family. I did ask her not to but she seemed to feel it was reasonable to take school resources home for herself. I'm afraid I am going to have to ask for the return of all the books as I can no longer be sure the pupils will benefit from my donation"

Math - it's true, but people like the stealing woman shouldn't be given the wriggle-room to justify their terrible behaviour. When she's hauled up on it now, she can be full of "Trois didn't tell me not to take them, Trois said she'd accept a bottle of wine for them, Trois saw me take them and she didn't tell me to put them back"....all complete rubbish, but I can see it happening.

Why didn't you stop them and take the books from them? I don't understand?

I'm angry on your behalf!

May be the sarcasm wasn't a good idea but I'd have reacted the same as you.

This is dreadful. I'm infuriated on your behalf. I agree with what others have said: it's stealing, and stealing from SEN children at that. I wouldn't mince words with the headteacher; I would let your (calmly expressed) anger show.

It also seems perfectly reasonable to me that you responded with sarcasm under the circumstances - you told them to stop and they didn't stop, so what were you supposed to do, grab the books out of their hands?

Tell the headteacher how much the books are worth and state that you are prepared to contact the police if the books aren't returned. This really does remind me of the infamous stolen x-box thread. What both stories have in common is the fact that the thieves seem unaware that stealing school property and making a minor donation in return is still THEFT OF SCHOOL PROPERTY. They need someone to make them understand this principle, and fast.

Please update once you've spoken to the HT as I'm really keen to learn the outcome - I want to see justice done!

Handmini:"No, don't take them, please put them back immediately as they're for the school, not for you to take".

kind of covered in a non-confrontational way with :

I think you misunderstood, I donated these for your 1-2-1 literacy time

And

you are missing the point - I donated these (to the department)

On a side, the Lead LSA I spoke to on Monday works closely with the other Lead LSA and we did (all three of us) have a random passing convo about dragging the books in from the car park (the volume of them) so it wasn't as if she wasnt aware of my intention that they were aimed at a particular Y9 set my school acquired due to borough funding being withdrawn for special school places and these children being forced into mainstream. It's a lovely set of children, but the majority are - for want of a better phrase to encompass all - a group of 20 children who have LDs because of genetic disrorders or were extremely premature babies. They just havent and wont develop on a normal pattern.

Thats not a drip feed as to my niceness (coz Im really just a menopausal old bag).... I just like to see things go to some good and be appreciated.

I'm actually privileged to work with these children because they are the nicest, sweetest, innocent people ever. And they will ever remain caught in the age 5-7 mentality and never grow any older. And If I'm brutally honest, they teach me a lot about my self purely by being themselves.