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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL deleted me off facebook - AIBU to be angry?

202 replies

Redhotmama80 · 29/11/2011 22:27

I need to know whether I'm being unreasonable about this. My BIL's wife has deleted me from facebook and its really pissed me off. I realised about an hour ago when I tried to include her in a group invite for the next girly night out with me and the other female relatives of my DP. Anyway I text BIL to say I couldn't reach her on FB and what was going on. He said he'd make her contact me and explain. So she text me and said she was just deleting people from FB that she didn't interact with much and that there was no drama. WTF!! we are practically family!

So I replied, saying that I thought it was weird but she couldn't say I hadn't tried to make an effort with her. She then replied again and said she hadn't meant to cause any offence and hoped things wouldn't be awkward. She also said she'd had a bad experience on FB recently that put her off the whole thing and also that she's pregnant and stressed out as she & BIL are carriers of a genetic disorder and they are waiting to do a cvs test.

Well I'm sorry that she's having a bad time with her pregnancy but I don't think that excuses her rudeness. I text her again to say that although i wish her well with the pregnancy yes, things WOULD be awkward now, that she's never made any effort with me or my children and that this just feels like a slap in the face. Also that I've got my own issues to deal with and that this really doesn't help! Anyway she didn't reply after that.

Am I being U? I'm getting married next week and am so stressed about everything, I really don't need this. And I honestly have tried to make an effort with her but it feels like it's all been thrown back in my face and this is just the final straw.

We've never really clicked. She's really quiet and doesn't have many friends so when they moved to our town, I tried to include her by inviting her on girls nights but she always made an excuse so I stopped asking. I never disliked her until an incident last year, on facebook, ironically enough. I posted a bit of a rant about obesity (it's something I do have strong opinions about) and she made quite a snarky reply to the effect that the obesity epidemic is just a moral panic. I felt really pissed off and patronised about that and since then I've actively disliked her. I think she's quite jealous of me as I'm naturally very slim and she's about a size 14-16. Apart from that, she's always polite but not over friendly and like I said, I have NEVER felt that she's made any effort with me or with my children.

That's it, in a nutshell. AIBU???

OP posts:
Get0rf · 30/11/2011 11:00

roars with laughter at the thread

Mostly it is buppy I must say

Bastard of englanda
Troll-alalalalalalalala
Gunts
Gips
Chubby checker
Is there something sitting on my lap? yes it's me Grin

unfortunately it is a reverse AIBU so there will be another 488 posts saying 'YABU you BITCH'

Facebook should be deleted in its entirety, it seems to be 98% moron.

BupcakesandCunting · 30/11/2011 11:03

I am 1% non-moron of Facebook.

mumeeee · 30/11/2011 11:04

YABVU and rude to your SIL. A lot of people delete friends from face book that they don't interact with very much. You also sound very rude about her size although you say she's around 12-14. That is an average size and is no way big.

kitbit · 30/11/2011 11:10

Ah, reverse AIBU... Yanbu, I would hsve deleted her too, she sounds like a nightmare.

PludolphTheRedNosedReindeer · 30/11/2011 11:17

Who or what constitutes the remaining 1%, Bupcakes?

98% morons + 1% non-moron = 99% Or is that a deliberate mistake, to make FB look even more stupid?! Grin

BupcakesandCunting · 30/11/2011 11:22

Remaining 1% - memes, memefails and LOLCATS Wink

LunaticFringe · 30/11/2011 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Get0rf · 30/11/2011 11:35

LOLCATS!

What the bloody hell!

I was on facebook for about a month, I started to think everyone was a dull bastard.

BupcakesandCunting · 30/11/2011 11:52

Hush up, I am doing some Gunt Maintenance eating a mince pie

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 30/11/2011 11:56

I really struggle with reverse AIBU's, especially when the OP posts with different names, but I'll try to reply without getting in a muddle.

Celia I don't think you are being unreasonable, your SIL sounds awful and I was all ready to tell "her" so when I read your OP as RedHotMama80.

It's already a long thread though, so I started to scroll down to look for any "drip-feeds/further posts" so I could get the gist of it and realised there were no more green-highlighted posts and wondered if you were genuine. By the time I reached the next lot of green OP posts you had already said it was a reverse AIBU so I had to start searching for your real, unhighlighted posts and the whole thread has just blurred into confusion and I don't have time to read it all now.

So I can't offer any advice except perhaps to send her a card before the wedding telling her that you don't want any bad feeling between you, especially on her special day, and that perhaps the two of you can get together for a chat after the wedding and after the results of your tests, when you will both feel more relaxed and able to talk things through. Then decide what you want to say to her and stick to it when the time comes.

My BIL deleted me from Facebook recently as he has taken his parents side in a disagreement (to put it mildly) we are having. They have told a lot of lies about me and rather than speak to me about them he decided to make a quiet but very childish point. I'm not hurt about the Facebook issue, he's a 40+ year old man in a very responsible and high profile armed forces job and he has decided to react like a 13 year old girl. But I am hurt at the feelings that are hidden behind that point making, especially as his opinion on me is now not based on the eleven years we have been family but on a handful of lies his parents have told and that this has spoilt the relationship between our two families.

They don't see us now, our son doesn't see his cousins, DH doesn't see either of his brothers (eldest brother also took parents side after believing the lies) and soon we will be living in different countries and will probably never see them again. PIL's don't seem to realise the damage they have caused. So Facebook is the least of it.

NewsClippings · 30/11/2011 11:58

Oh, it's a reverse AIBU. All seen through your eyes - which may not be how it actually is at all.

Groovee · 30/11/2011 12:00

My sister deleted me off facebook and I've just ignored any comments she puts on my dad or mum's photos/comments etc towards me as she doesn't need to know.

My SIL is blocked on my facebook. If you depise someone as much as you seem to despise your SIL you wouldn't be bothered.

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 30/11/2011 12:03

YABU her facebook, is her space, and her right to have any one she chooses on there family or not, i did a cull on mine recently deleted some cousins and my dickhead BIL!

KaraStarbuckThrace · 30/11/2011 12:05

Celia - your SIl sounds like a bitch. Don't blame you in the slightest. She sounds utterly self-absorbed and selfish. Hope it rains on her wedding day.

starfishmummy · 30/11/2011 12:10

Grow up, OP. I assusme you are not 6.

Tiredprobably · 30/11/2011 12:45

Having had a cvs and worried about my baby like this it was one of the most awful times in my whole life, I can't believe you were so unpleasant to her. Even when she tried to share her fears you shot her down with a ridiculous childish reply. You are very unreasonable and not very nice.

Tiredprobably · 30/11/2011 12:47

Oops should have read more, the one time I get fired up enough to post. Hohum back to lurking for me, it's all far to complicated!

ZZZenAgain · 30/11/2011 12:48

I think YABU, she hasn't been interested in the girly nights out you have invited to, she is quiet, you two don't hit it off. So what in the end if you are not on her facebook anymore? Really, it is nothing, forget it.

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 30/11/2011 12:50

I had a cvs after a 1:9 risk of downs, my little boy is a healthy syndrome free 8 year old. Good luckSmile

2rebecca · 30/11/2011 13:21

I wouldn't delete any of my relatives from facebook. I only have a dozen or so friends anyway so if I did they would take it personally as it would be personal and I don't think FB should be that important. I think what you should have done Celia was to just stop using facebook. Your SIL has over-reacted and sounds unpleasant, but "defriending" is seen as a personal attack by some people, probably not surprisingly.

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 13:30

You are sooooooo U

Get a grip for heavens sake. I delete everyone that ever irritates me on Facebook with stupid status's about immigration, benefits, lil man etc. and noone has ever commented on it IRL. It doesn't mean I don't like them, it means I don't want to have to read their nonsense.

Your SIL comes across as pretty reasonable and polite. You on the other hand..... Grin

ArtVandelay · 30/11/2011 13:32

Dammit - its a reverse and I read at least 4 pages. That was U!

Well I agreed with you anyway - delete, delete, delete :)

maddening · 30/11/2011 16:18

Yabu and am surprised you have any fb friends!

isithometimeyet · 06/12/2011 03:16

I know this is going to be very difficult for you to understand, so I'll say it slooooooowwwwly

I would farfarfarfarfarfarfarfarfarfar rather be a size 14 and honest about myself, than a size 8 and a completely self-obsessed child

See

Told you, you wouldn't get it

JamieComeHome · 06/12/2011 05:23

Celia - I cannot help noticing that as yourself, you say texted, and as your SIL you say text, in the past tense.

I think this says it all ......