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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL deleted me off facebook - AIBU to be angry?

202 replies

Redhotmama80 · 29/11/2011 22:27

I need to know whether I'm being unreasonable about this. My BIL's wife has deleted me from facebook and its really pissed me off. I realised about an hour ago when I tried to include her in a group invite for the next girly night out with me and the other female relatives of my DP. Anyway I text BIL to say I couldn't reach her on FB and what was going on. He said he'd make her contact me and explain. So she text me and said she was just deleting people from FB that she didn't interact with much and that there was no drama. WTF!! we are practically family!

So I replied, saying that I thought it was weird but she couldn't say I hadn't tried to make an effort with her. She then replied again and said she hadn't meant to cause any offence and hoped things wouldn't be awkward. She also said she'd had a bad experience on FB recently that put her off the whole thing and also that she's pregnant and stressed out as she & BIL are carriers of a genetic disorder and they are waiting to do a cvs test.

Well I'm sorry that she's having a bad time with her pregnancy but I don't think that excuses her rudeness. I text her again to say that although i wish her well with the pregnancy yes, things WOULD be awkward now, that she's never made any effort with me or my children and that this just feels like a slap in the face. Also that I've got my own issues to deal with and that this really doesn't help! Anyway she didn't reply after that.

Am I being U? I'm getting married next week and am so stressed about everything, I really don't need this. And I honestly have tried to make an effort with her but it feels like it's all been thrown back in my face and this is just the final straw.

We've never really clicked. She's really quiet and doesn't have many friends so when they moved to our town, I tried to include her by inviting her on girls nights but she always made an excuse so I stopped asking. I never disliked her until an incident last year, on facebook, ironically enough. I posted a bit of a rant about obesity (it's something I do have strong opinions about) and she made quite a snarky reply to the effect that the obesity epidemic is just a moral panic. I felt really pissed off and patronised about that and since then I've actively disliked her. I think she's quite jealous of me as I'm naturally very slim and she's about a size 14-16. Apart from that, she's always polite but not over friendly and like I said, I have NEVER felt that she's made any effort with me or with my children.

That's it, in a nutshell. AIBU???

OP posts:
ChitChattingElf · 30/11/2011 00:01

You can change your settings to make the OPs post a different colour!

thegirlwithnoname · 30/11/2011 00:01

Celia have you made an effort with you neices and nephews? what ever your feelings for 'redhotmamma' it wouldn't hurt you to try with her kids, especially as you are their Aunty and they will soon have a cousin in your baby.

I probably wouldn't of deleted her, I would of just blocked her (is that what it's called), so she couldn't read many of your posts and you wouldn't have to read her posts.

Good luck with your baby and the CVS test.
BTW you do realise that if she really does hate you, she will now tell everyone about your fall out and that you were over hormonal because of your pregnancy to get back at you. SO, if you haven't told your parents-in-law ......

lisaro · 30/11/2011 00:03

You need to re read what you've written and see just how you've come across. Shocking, truly shocking.

1Catherine1 · 30/11/2011 00:03

Firstly... You are naturally very slim and making remarks about obesity which you have strong opinions about? She is bigger than you and probably found your strong opinions rude and offensive. Then you actively dislike her because she offers a different opinion.

She is quiet by your own admission and has few friends. Have you ever considered that this is through choice? Maybe she doesn't like going out on a girls night out? Believe it or not some of us don't drink and feel uncomfortable in large social gathering. Surely you could have took the hint earlier rather than making things more awkward by constantly putting her in the position where she had to decline? I can never understand why people assume everyone must love a big night out on the piss - it is my idea of hell.

As for deleting you off facebook - well, facebook is facebook. I delete people for annoying me on there. Those that do those stupid copy and paste messages constantly get removed. Those that post comments designed to insight racial hatred (one strike and you're out on that one) are gone too. My SIL untagged herself from pictures of her and my DD (4mo at the time) when she and my DP fell out. I just tutted and commented on how it showed her true colours. I upset my MIL by deleting a post she wrote on my wall when she answered a question asked to me by my friend. She didn't talk to me for weeks. I shouldn't have done it but then that's the big problem with facebook - you can't take it back when it is done.

You ABU to be angry.

thegirlwithnoname · 30/11/2011 00:04

BTW you do realise that if she really does hate you, she will now tell everyone about your fall out and that you were over hormonal because of your pregnancy to get back at you. SO, if you haven't told your parents-in-law ......

IneedAbetterNickname · 30/11/2011 00:05

Thanks elf and HoneyDragon glad I'm not so stupid I couldn't tell the difference, just daft enough not to know I can customise mn!

thegirlwithnoname · 30/11/2011 00:06

oops how did that get highlighted? I just wanted OP to be aware that sil could get spiteful (here's hoping this isn't highlighted to)

runningwilde · 30/11/2011 00:07

Your 'rant' about obesity sounds really nasty and you don't sound very nice - and up yourself tbh

Honeydragon · 30/11/2011 00:09

on either side of a word or sentence

bolds it

1Catherine1 · 30/11/2011 00:10

BAH.... I only skim read other peoples comments when there are more than 2 pages on a thread... wish I hadn't bothered with my long post putting OP in her place as she annoyed me BIG TIME as she will never read it. DAM reverse AIBU... no need for them really...

Honeydragon · 30/11/2011 00:12

1catherine

Your rant was justified, all the above you commented on was actually said!

Grin nevermind

moonferret · 30/11/2011 00:15

I wouldn't be on Facebook to begin with. But if someone didn't want to know me/have me as a friend on Facebook/whatever then I don't want them either...simple.

thegirlwithnoname · 30/11/2011 00:22

Ta Honey, I don't remember putting * in my posts tho Confused

TroublesomeEx · 30/11/2011 08:29

Perhaps she "actively dislikes" you also!

Why are you bothered about not being FB friends with someone you don't like, don't click with, don't have anything in common with?

I do use FB and I find this very strange!

ImperialBlether · 30/11/2011 08:32

You sound absolutely awful, OP! So many words that I could use to describe you, but I'll just use selfish, arrogant and judgemental for now.

porcamiseria · 30/11/2011 08:41

yup, you sound like a bit of a cow TBH

OhdearNigel · 30/11/2011 08:43

Maybe she wants to rant about selfish women who think that anyone of a size 14 is obese and that think their weddings are more stressful than carrying a potentially disabled child and thinks it would be advantageous for family harmony for you not to see it

samandi · 30/11/2011 08:51

I'm getting married next week and am so stressed about everything, I really don't need this.

It's no wonder you're stressed if you make this kind of a meal about such insignificant things.

samandi · 30/11/2011 08:54

Reading the last paragraph I can see why she deleted you. And obviously it's rather bizarre having someone on facebook that you "actively dislike".

Assuming this is a wind up anyway, as your character sounds pretty awful.

samandi · 30/11/2011 08:56

Ah I see.

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 09:04

Yabu. I do what she does. And I have no in laws on my FB, despite getting on well. You have her phone number, use that. I'd be a bit pissed off with you getting so antsy over it to be honest.

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 09:06

Bah humbug reverse AIBU.

wolfhound · 30/11/2011 09:11

YABU. People use FB differently. I have deleted people whom I like, but they update FB constantly and deluge me with status updates, so I miss things from other people. You sound rather stressful to be around, and maybe seeing your posts on FB is raising her blood pressure at a time when she is very stressed anyway.

CalamityKate · 30/11/2011 09:11

YABU and she sounds far nicer than you.

NewsClippings · 30/11/2011 09:12

YABU. I'm assuming this is a wind-up, but in any case.....

She's deleted you from Facebook - but that's not the same as RL at all. She's been quite happy to chat with you in real life.

She is a naturally quiet person - well there's nothing wrong with that, not everyone has to be "bubbly" and enjoy large groups. Why don't you try to meet her on her terms rather than yours?

You say she "doesn't have many friends" - so what? Some people prefer a few good friends to lots of acquaintances. And she's recently moved to a new town.

She prefers not to go on "girly nights out" - and that's fine, she just doesn't enjoy that sort of thing, don't take it personally. You seem determined to find things to blame her for.

She has been polite to you even when you are quite forceful and pushing the point (with the Facebook, being openly rude about overweight people).

She posts a reply to your obesity rant on FB, but while you describe yourself as having "strong opinions", when she posts her own strong opinion which she is entitled to, you call it "snarky".

She is waiting to do a CVS and has had a bad experience on FB, yet you are offering no support or kind words.

You assume she's "jealous" of you, as if you think your size is better than hers. Actually 14-16 is an average size and not everyone thinks about weight as much as you.

You say she's "never made any effort" but maybe that's because you're not very nice to her? She has probably tried, but you seem determined to see the negative in everything.

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