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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL deleted me off facebook - AIBU to be angry?

202 replies

Redhotmama80 · 29/11/2011 22:27

I need to know whether I'm being unreasonable about this. My BIL's wife has deleted me from facebook and its really pissed me off. I realised about an hour ago when I tried to include her in a group invite for the next girly night out with me and the other female relatives of my DP. Anyway I text BIL to say I couldn't reach her on FB and what was going on. He said he'd make her contact me and explain. So she text me and said she was just deleting people from FB that she didn't interact with much and that there was no drama. WTF!! we are practically family!

So I replied, saying that I thought it was weird but she couldn't say I hadn't tried to make an effort with her. She then replied again and said she hadn't meant to cause any offence and hoped things wouldn't be awkward. She also said she'd had a bad experience on FB recently that put her off the whole thing and also that she's pregnant and stressed out as she & BIL are carriers of a genetic disorder and they are waiting to do a cvs test.

Well I'm sorry that she's having a bad time with her pregnancy but I don't think that excuses her rudeness. I text her again to say that although i wish her well with the pregnancy yes, things WOULD be awkward now, that she's never made any effort with me or my children and that this just feels like a slap in the face. Also that I've got my own issues to deal with and that this really doesn't help! Anyway she didn't reply after that.

Am I being U? I'm getting married next week and am so stressed about everything, I really don't need this. And I honestly have tried to make an effort with her but it feels like it's all been thrown back in my face and this is just the final straw.

We've never really clicked. She's really quiet and doesn't have many friends so when they moved to our town, I tried to include her by inviting her on girls nights but she always made an excuse so I stopped asking. I never disliked her until an incident last year, on facebook, ironically enough. I posted a bit of a rant about obesity (it's something I do have strong opinions about) and she made quite a snarky reply to the effect that the obesity epidemic is just a moral panic. I felt really pissed off and patronised about that and since then I've actively disliked her. I think she's quite jealous of me as I'm naturally very slim and she's about a size 14-16. Apart from that, she's always polite but not over friendly and like I said, I have NEVER felt that she's made any effort with me or with my children.

That's it, in a nutshell. AIBU???

OP posts:
heavydutyjudy · 29/11/2011 22:38

agree with pludolph and pooka, you sound like you don't see her side at all and she sounds reasonable in comparison, YABU

ShutUppaYourFace · 29/11/2011 22:38

I think you're right, it must be because you're thin and she is fat Hmm

pooka · 29/11/2011 22:38

Xpost with said

uniCorny · 29/11/2011 22:39

I wish I was thin. The I could call myself a redhotmama as well.

pigletmania · 29/11/2011 22:39

I was agreeing with you until, she opened up to you, and you threw it back at her, and sprouted something about obesity which can be sensitive to some. You don't sound like you click, and its not like you get on well with her, so what! Ge over it and grow up, its not all about you!

altinkum · 29/11/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunnerLovesSianMassey · 29/11/2011 22:40

To be honest, it sounds as though she doesn't particularly want to be friends with you. But she does sound civil and polite, and you come across here as being a tad unreasonable.

Happy wedding, btw. Smile

ChitChattingElf · 29/11/2011 22:40

I'm sorry, but is this for real? You seriously sent those txts and are asking if YABU???

Oh and YABU!!!

HarderToKidnap · 29/11/2011 22:40

YOU don't need this? The whole thing has been manufactured by YOU! You took offence when there was absolutely no need to, you have caused a fuss and created bad feeling over nothing. 13 year old girls make a fuss about who their friend is on Facebook, not grown women. And you are being incredibly callous about her pregnancy worries.

YABmassivelyU. If you do not want to look like the worst person ever here in the eyes of your DPs family (or even if you are just a reasonable person), you need to apologise PDQ.

MinnieBar · 29/11/2011 22:40

To paraphrase what you have said:
Well I'm sorry if you're having a bad time with Facebook but that doesn't excuse your twattishness.

HTH.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/11/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

usualsuspect · 29/11/2011 22:40

You sound like a bit of an idiot tbh

usualsuspect · 29/11/2011 22:41

Theres loads of odd threads on MN Hmm

herbietea · 29/11/2011 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 29/11/2011 22:41

Oh good god. Yabu.

Themumsnot · 29/11/2011 22:41

I like the sound of your SIL. Not so sure I'd like you though. That help clarify things at all?

Robotindisguise · 29/11/2011 22:42

You really think she's jealous of you because you're "naturally very slim"? She probably thinks you're skinny.

YABU and borderline bonkers btw. Huge over-reaction.

ViviPru · 29/11/2011 22:42

I often find myself concluding on FB related threads that the OP should just unfriend the irritant. This is a first in that I'm thinking the so-called irritant should unfriend the OP but she already has so really, there's nothing to see here.

I like to see the best in people so I'm going to put your considerable unreasonableness over this issue down to temporary bridezilladom

Arion · 29/11/2011 22:42

You sound like a real charmer! I feel sorry for your SIL that she will still have to interact with you in real life as you are family, you come across in your post as an unsympathetic, self-obsessed bigot. (And I don't care if I get deleted for that!)

caramelwaffle · 29/11/2011 22:43

Dramarama

signet2012 · 29/11/2011 22:43

YABU and being a bit of a dick.

So..... this woman who is jealous of you, you've never really clicked with, is quiet and didn't want to hang out with you and your friends, that you actively dislike after she dared to have a difference of opinion with you which left you feeling patronised, who makes no effort with you or your children deleted you on facebook..... Are you twelve?

She obviously doesn't like you. I think it sounds like she has given very dignified and calm answers. To which you have basically said well F you then.

So yeah. YABU.

BupcakesandCunting · 29/11/2011 22:44

She probably realises that you look down on her for daring to be the fucking HUGE size that she is.

Congrats on being naturally slim btw. Shall I congratulate you on anything else that was handed to you by genetics and not an actual real achievement?

spartafc · 29/11/2011 22:45

Not bad, but I think you went too far with bit about obesity. You're just ticking boxes there, aren't you?

FabbyChic · 29/11/2011 22:45

If I was thin I'd call myself drop dead gorgeous not redhotmamma

squeakytoy · 29/11/2011 22:45

Well I'm sorry that she's having a bad time with her pregnancy but I don't think that excuses her rudeness. I text her again to say that although i wish her well with the pregnancy yes, things WOULD be awkward now, that she's never made any effort with me or my children and that this just feels like a slap in the face. Also that I've got my own issues to deal with and that this really doesn't help! Anyway she didn't reply after that

"anyway she didnt reply after that"

You are probably lucky, because if I were unfortunate enough to be almost related to you, I would have told you what a self centred twat you were, and I would be finding some nice wet paint to watch rather than go to your wedding.