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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL deleted me off facebook - AIBU to be angry?

202 replies

Redhotmama80 · 29/11/2011 22:27

I need to know whether I'm being unreasonable about this. My BIL's wife has deleted me from facebook and its really pissed me off. I realised about an hour ago when I tried to include her in a group invite for the next girly night out with me and the other female relatives of my DP. Anyway I text BIL to say I couldn't reach her on FB and what was going on. He said he'd make her contact me and explain. So she text me and said she was just deleting people from FB that she didn't interact with much and that there was no drama. WTF!! we are practically family!

So I replied, saying that I thought it was weird but she couldn't say I hadn't tried to make an effort with her. She then replied again and said she hadn't meant to cause any offence and hoped things wouldn't be awkward. She also said she'd had a bad experience on FB recently that put her off the whole thing and also that she's pregnant and stressed out as she & BIL are carriers of a genetic disorder and they are waiting to do a cvs test.

Well I'm sorry that she's having a bad time with her pregnancy but I don't think that excuses her rudeness. I text her again to say that although i wish her well with the pregnancy yes, things WOULD be awkward now, that she's never made any effort with me or my children and that this just feels like a slap in the face. Also that I've got my own issues to deal with and that this really doesn't help! Anyway she didn't reply after that.

Am I being U? I'm getting married next week and am so stressed about everything, I really don't need this. And I honestly have tried to make an effort with her but it feels like it's all been thrown back in my face and this is just the final straw.

We've never really clicked. She's really quiet and doesn't have many friends so when they moved to our town, I tried to include her by inviting her on girls nights but she always made an excuse so I stopped asking. I never disliked her until an incident last year, on facebook, ironically enough. I posted a bit of a rant about obesity (it's something I do have strong opinions about) and she made quite a snarky reply to the effect that the obesity epidemic is just a moral panic. I felt really pissed off and patronised about that and since then I've actively disliked her. I think she's quite jealous of me as I'm naturally very slim and she's about a size 14-16. Apart from that, she's always polite but not over friendly and like I said, I have NEVER felt that she's made any effort with me or with my children.

That's it, in a nutshell. AIBU???

OP posts:
bemybebe · 29/11/2011 22:47

I think I also would not like you. Sorry.
HTH
and YABU

KittyAnne · 29/11/2011 22:47

I think she's quite jealous of me as I'm naturally very slim and she's about a size 14-16.

Yeah, she deleted you for a reason...

MadBanners · 29/11/2011 22:48

To be perfectly honest, you need to get ever so slightly over yourself!

People use Facebook for different things, some like to share every tiny things in their lives...others go on almost out of obligation to others who imagine some insult over a lack of Facebook "friendship"!

It is only Facebook, it means nothing, a slight on Facebook means nothing, and if she has other stresses and worries in her life, maybe she is just removing a contributing factor.

It is not all about you!

iceandsliceplease · 29/11/2011 22:48

I'm sure that your wedding is a big issue to you, but YABU, massively. Deep breath, think it through. If you can't see her point of view, leave it for now. Come back to it when you don't have so much on your mind.

EnjoyResponsibly · 29/11/2011 22:48

OP I'd unfriend you too. YABmassivelyU.

Re-read your post and think about how many people you know in RL would "Like" if you actually said all this crap out loud.

Betting not many.

Your weddings going to be AWKWARD the way you're carrying on.

uniCorny · 29/11/2011 22:50

op'S not come back...trololol

bringbacksideburns · 29/11/2011 22:50

I think she's had a lucky escape. Poor woman!

Facebook is not the be all and end all of Life As We Know it.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 29/11/2011 22:51

Ouch! I rarely wade in on these things, especially when pp's have pretty much said it all, but...YABU.

I only have close friends and some family on facebook. You have her number, obviously, so she hasn't exactly cut you out of her life. It isn't all about you. She can have whoever she pleases as a friend on FB. You've already said you don't "click", and that she has turned down requests to go out with you etc. Maybe she just doesn't llike you all that much. It happens.

MirandaGoshawk · 29/11/2011 22:51

OP, this rings a bell with me. My Facebook experience has been very different since I added SIL on to it - anything I say is going to get reported to MIL and then to DH - not necessarily what I want, it means I can't moan about him!

So I realise it might seem personal but it may be just that she doesn't want the world and his wife knowing what she's up to. Don't worry about it & try not to take it personally.

KittyAnne · 29/11/2011 22:52

Being thin doesn't automatically mean hot.

Nigella.....

.....Gillian McKeith.......

MsMarple · 29/11/2011 22:52

With facebook friends the clue is in the title: 'friend'.

You say that you 'actively dislike her' so by definition she is not a friend - why should she have to pretend to be one on facebook? Just so you don't have the inconvenience of contacting her in person to arrange a family night out??

YABVVVVVVVU

hester · 29/11/2011 22:53

Lordy. Have any of these responses helped you understand your SIL's position a bit better, OP?

Olderyetwilder · 29/11/2011 22:55

YABU to be on Facebook unless you are 15

VivaLeBeaver · 29/11/2011 22:56

You know what, you SIL can't stand you! That's why she declines your invites and has deleted you on Facebook. Seeing as you can't stand her either now everyone is happy.

531800000008 · 29/11/2011 22:57

hahah what a dramallama

HTH Smile

sayithowitis · 29/11/2011 22:57

Well, it is possible to lose weight. Not quite so easy to change from being a self centred, unkind person into one who is genuinely caring about a member of the family who is probably having a really shitty time right now. But hey, what does it matter what she and your BIL are going through, as long as she doesn't offend you!

Grow up and stop acting like a toddler having a tantrum.

scaryteacher · 29/11/2011 22:58

How old are you OP, 12?

Have you tried talking to her? Having an actual real face to face conversation? FB and texts get misinterpreted and cause upsets. This is why they are a complete waste of time and emotional energy.

pictish · 29/11/2011 22:58

She aint coming back....she wound us up and let us go. Wink

antsypants · 29/11/2011 22:59

Well, I can't understand why she would delete a delight like yourself... What a fricking charmer you are.

Leave her alone, it will make you feel better and by the sounds of it make her life much happier.

StewieGriffinsMom · 29/11/2011 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BupcakesandCunting · 29/11/2011 22:59

Trolllalalalala la la la la la larrrrrrr!

I'm NOT crying troll, I was just singing that bit out of Deck The Halls.

CeliaDeBohun · 29/11/2011 23:01

Sorry, this was a reverse AIBU Blush

I'm the fat sister in law. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know reverse AIBUs wind people up but ever since this happened (last weekend), I've been baffled by her angry response. I thought it was OTT in the extreme and just wondered if others would see it the same way. DH thinks I'm well out of order for upsetting her before her wedding.

BupcakesandCunting · 29/11/2011 23:03

HUH?

uniCorny · 29/11/2011 23:04

exactly how fat are you?

pictish · 29/11/2011 23:05

eh?

Elaborate do!