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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL deleted me off facebook - AIBU to be angry?

202 replies

Redhotmama80 · 29/11/2011 22:27

I need to know whether I'm being unreasonable about this. My BIL's wife has deleted me from facebook and its really pissed me off. I realised about an hour ago when I tried to include her in a group invite for the next girly night out with me and the other female relatives of my DP. Anyway I text BIL to say I couldn't reach her on FB and what was going on. He said he'd make her contact me and explain. So she text me and said she was just deleting people from FB that she didn't interact with much and that there was no drama. WTF!! we are practically family!

So I replied, saying that I thought it was weird but she couldn't say I hadn't tried to make an effort with her. She then replied again and said she hadn't meant to cause any offence and hoped things wouldn't be awkward. She also said she'd had a bad experience on FB recently that put her off the whole thing and also that she's pregnant and stressed out as she & BIL are carriers of a genetic disorder and they are waiting to do a cvs test.

Well I'm sorry that she's having a bad time with her pregnancy but I don't think that excuses her rudeness. I text her again to say that although i wish her well with the pregnancy yes, things WOULD be awkward now, that she's never made any effort with me or my children and that this just feels like a slap in the face. Also that I've got my own issues to deal with and that this really doesn't help! Anyway she didn't reply after that.

Am I being U? I'm getting married next week and am so stressed about everything, I really don't need this. And I honestly have tried to make an effort with her but it feels like it's all been thrown back in my face and this is just the final straw.

We've never really clicked. She's really quiet and doesn't have many friends so when they moved to our town, I tried to include her by inviting her on girls nights but she always made an excuse so I stopped asking. I never disliked her until an incident last year, on facebook, ironically enough. I posted a bit of a rant about obesity (it's something I do have strong opinions about) and she made quite a snarky reply to the effect that the obesity epidemic is just a moral panic. I felt really pissed off and patronised about that and since then I've actively disliked her. I think she's quite jealous of me as I'm naturally very slim and she's about a size 14-16. Apart from that, she's always polite but not over friendly and like I said, I have NEVER felt that she's made any effort with me or with my children.

That's it, in a nutshell. AIBU???

OP posts:
ViviPru · 29/11/2011 23:15

I think I have side-gunts... Like an advanced muffin-top gut that covers the hip. Gips maybe?

uniCorny · 29/11/2011 23:16

I may have gips....

uniCorny · 29/11/2011 23:17

where is fat SIL though?

BupcakesandCunting · 29/11/2011 23:18

They're saddlebags aren't they? I think.

I am hovering perilously close to Gunt Territory. You know you're en route when you sit down for a wee and you have a nice little pouch of flab that rests at the top of your thighs :(

hester · 29/11/2011 23:19

Ah yes, that strange feeling of, "Is there something sitting on my lap? Oh yes, it's me".

BupcakesandCunting · 29/11/2011 23:19

Perhaps she has gone to look in the full-length mirror to assess whether she can join the Gunt Gang...

BupcakesandCunting · 29/11/2011 23:20

"Ah yes, that strange feeling of, "Is there something sitting on my lap? Oh yes, it's me".

Grin
ViviPru · 29/11/2011 23:22

bugger and arse, it's so obvious. I wish I'd cried Reverse AIBU when I first suspected it. O how I'd have risen in the esteem of the MN community with my sage observation. Drat.

CeliaDeBohun · 29/11/2011 23:28

No, I don't have a gunt or cankles Grin

pictish it's exactly as my OP says. I pretty much wrote what she said in her texts into the OP word for word although I was writing "so I said..." etc. I was honestly shocked by her reaction. If I'd found out she'd deleted me from facebook (just a fucking website FFS) I wouldn't text her fiancé and demand to know why! And IF I did that and she then told me she was going through something very stressful and upsetting, I'd wind my neck in. I certainly wouldn't have decided to Take Offence and use it as an excuse to have a massive pop at her. I kind of feel that she was offered a virtual free hit at me and jumped at the chance to put the boot in. Oh, I forgot to mention that when I told her about the pregnancy, that was the first she'd heard of it. We hadn't wanted to mention it to her at all because she can be very judgmental and insensitive.

Anyway, I'm glad nobody else seems to think deleting someone from facebook is worthy of such an OTT reaction.

pictish · 29/11/2011 23:30

Certainly not. She sounds really full on!
Has she form for histrionics then?

CeliaDeBohun · 29/11/2011 23:37

Not so much histrionics, more just thinking the world revolves around her. And she definitely has form for being self righteous and judgmental. This is kind of why I don't like her much. I have made an effort with her btw but we are very, very different personalities and only have our in laws in common.

Honeydragon · 29/11/2011 23:38

Bridezilarrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is your dh still friends with her on FB Celia?

ChitChattingElf · 29/11/2011 23:43

Wow Celia, you've got a lot to deal with!

Hope your tests come back ok.

(Lots of people will miss your posts by the way, you've changed your name so your posts now don't show up in a different colour.)

CeliaDeBohun · 29/11/2011 23:43

Yeah he is. I'm actually sniggering at the thought of her reaction if he deleted her too Grin He's far more sensible than I am.

God, I honestly thought I would take her weeks to notice! She texted DH within five minutes.

tigerlillyd02 · 29/11/2011 23:44

This just made me laugh - I'm struggling to believe the post is serious!

Assuming it is for real though.... with the facebook comment you made about obesity, I'm quite surprised you didn't have more than just your SIL making "snarky" comments. And I think she was rather polite with it anyway. I'd have called it an opinion rather than a snarky comment. Perhaps you were annoyed that she just didn't agree with you or her sensible, polite opinion made yours seem quite silly?

As for nights out - perhaps she isn't one for going out. I'm not and would also politely decline your invites. It's no reason to dislike somebody.

Putting all that aside, she's your SIL, not your sister. Why are you so bothered about making a friend out of her? Given the fact you openly admit you don't like her, I don't understand why you'd be so bothered about any sort of friendship. As long as she's polite to you at family gatherings etc, I fail to see the problem. Just let her be!

As for deleting you from facebook.... welllll her choice! I think YABVU!

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 29/11/2011 23:45

This is why I dislike AIBUs

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 29/11/2011 23:46

I'm such a numbnuts -

This is why I dislike reverse AIBUs

Grin
CeliaDeBohun · 29/11/2011 23:47

Thanks Chitchattingelf Smile It hadn't occurred to me about the posts no longer being highlighted, actually. Think it might be just as confusing to anyone who missed the "outing" post if I did change back to the other ID though!

Honeydragon · 29/11/2011 23:49

I'd not worry then, she can't claim it's a snub then if he hasn't ditched her too.

I get the occasional pm from my sil complaining I haven't accepted her friend request. I have explained that I hate her Aunties and Cousins as they have treated mil like shite and are vile and do not want them having any access to my wall. She dud the cats bum mouth repeatedly but tbh I have bigger problems than a offended SiL, and it sounds like you do too!

ShutUppaYourFace · 29/11/2011 23:55

This thread was totally worth it just for the 'Gunt'. My new word of the week Grin

CeliaDeBohun · 29/11/2011 23:57

Exactly, Honeydragon! Can't believe your SIL is giving you grief about not accepting her request - has she no pride? I've deleted practically everyone from facebook in the last few weeks. I've now only got close family, DH and a handful of real friends. I feel soooo much better for it, not even sure why, but I do...

Thanks everyone for the replies and sorry again for the reverse AIBU. I do appreciate that a hell of a lot of people find them annoying and I promise not to do it again. Off to bed now, just in case anyone thinks I've disappeared because I'm a troll Smile. Thanks again.

blonderedhead · 29/11/2011 23:57

I totally spotted that was a reverse AIBU. Do I get a badge?

IneedAbetterNickname · 29/11/2011 23:58

Posts from the OP are highlighted?? Blush I've never noticed! And looking at other threads, I can't see the difference between OPs replies and others Blush (major blonde moment here)

Honeydragon · 30/11/2011 00:00

Ineed .... In customise you have the option to highlight your posts and the ops posts in a pretty selection of pastel colours. It's very handy.

PludolphTheRedNosedReindeer · 30/11/2011 00:00

Poor Celia. She is indeed unreasonable, and I hope you are convinced now. Sorry you had to doubt yourself.