to get the woman to remove her shoes or is she BU by being rude?

[teddiegoestopeckham]

my BIL came over today with his new partner to meet me and DH (his brother). They came over for a few hours for a late lunch/tea.

Anyway i open the door for them (BIL already holding his coat :) ). anyway all the hellos, hugs, come in etc.
BIL automatically takes his shoes off and puts some of the slippers we have out for guests.
She looks very shocked by this and doesn't make a move to either take off her shoes or even ask if i would like her to take her shoes off (i am barefoot)

Anyway when I realise that she isn't taking her shoes off and asks her nicely and politely if she would mind taking her shoes off and if she would like we have slippers for guests (we have a pile like the ones BIL put on and they are very obvious)

BIL looks a bit awkward at his point and then she says' 'no, thank you' and walks though.

I was just stunned and so was BIL obviously.

But it would have been rude to say anything so i just let her carry on. And told DH when he came in about 15mins later not to say anything.

I'm japanese - and to me leaving your shoes on when entering someones house is a no no. I have managed over the years to be okay if someone just walks in to pick something up or drop something off. but if someone is coming in properly. They take their shoes off.

Even forgetting the culture I and this comes from - sure it is rude to reply like that when you are a guest into someones home?

or AIBU in asking people to remove their shoes upon entering??
I'm doubting both now...

I would remove my shoes and walk around in my bare feet but I'm afraid I would turn my nose up at the slippers 'for guests'. I'm taking it you didn't go on to say that you wash them after each use? Perhaps she didn't want to put her feet in slippers that have potentially been pre worn by grubby meter readers (not suggesting they are all grubby btw) and she has verrucas or something.

she was being very rude!

I can't believe she just said "no thanks" and wore her shoes in even though you had asked her to take them off

Heraldangelsinging 'in our own country'? It's the OP's own house ffs. And don't use 'we' for your racist bullshit, you don't speak for me.

Shoes off here. But I never ask people to wear slippers. It's a bit yuk as some peoples slippers are never washed.
Don't think it's rude to ask people to remove shoes in the house. They could have walked through shit.

No one has ever been offended - to my face- about my shoe removal policy.

If I was going to someone's house then I would need notice to put on socks (disgusting feet) and slip-on shoes (bad back). And I wouldn't be too happy about used slippers not knowing how often they are washed. I wouldn't feel comfortable about being asked to remove shoes in anyone's house. Sitting round with guests, eating nibbles and trying not to boak at men's feet.

YANBU, horribly rude.

Clossaintjacques that's an interesting question.

I know that kids can go blind from something found in dog poo. I remember reading something like 100 kids go blind every year from it.

HeraldAngelSinging really?

i would let her off with it this once seen as it was the first time. however, you should get your bil to tell her that that is your culture and she must take them off next time. if she doesnt take them off next time you are well within your rights to tell her in no uncertain terms that if she doesnt respect you in your own home and take them off then she has to leave. if she is rude enough to refuse, you can be rude enough to tell her to leave.

my in laws know i prefer them to take off their shoes in the livingroom (light carpet)- sometimes they do, sometimes they dont. i think it depends how much theyre liking me that week. theyre all coming for christmas, ill tell them to bring their slippers!

ii wouldn't worry about it MrsHux, some people are uptight about dirt and germs

those that are revolted by the slippers i'd suggest you don't g to japan. Though i suspect that's the problem, it's normal for the op but not for others here, i can imagine that your feelings about you wearing clean washed slippers is the same as the op's to shoes in the house

she was rude op, i wonder why though, it's not normally the case for someone to be rude in a house of someone they have met for the first time. Could bil shed any light?

How long you been in england op? Something like this ever happened before

Why all the "ewww, skanky communal slippers" comments? OP has said that they are clean, used once then washed, regularly replaced. It's not like she's fishing round the laundry bin for a pair of old socks. YANBU- my mum has a shoes off rule (new carpet) and nobody bats an eyelid.

Had she crossed a muddy field in wellies to get to your house? Or not?

Lots of people regardless of culture prefer people not to wear shoes in their house. I don't ask guests to remove their shoes but always ask when I arrive at a house if it's ok to keep my shoes on. It's just good manners to do whatever the rule is in the house.

OP YANBU and frankly I'm astonished by the number of people who think wearing a pair of freshly laundered slippers is disgusting. Who knew such delicate sensibilities lurked on MN.

i don't think this is a cultural thing either. i know tons of people who don't like shoes being worn in their house.

i would automatically take my shoes off if i was in someone elses house, unless they said "oh don't worry"

Yuk! No way would I wear the slippers but yes of course I'd take my shoes off

to all those saying no to the newly washed, clean slippers how many of you went out today not wearing socks or tights? It is the end of november and fairly cold outside, I would imagine the woman was wearing at least thin tights and would not be putting her skin directly on to the slippers.

Shoes off in this house.

YANBU

teddie I lived for three years in Japan and picked up the shoes off in the house rule. I love it, coming home doesn't feel like coming home if my shoes are still on, my dream house will have a massive genkan just for the removal of shoes. AYBU? It is really hard to say. I know how very important this is to Japanese people, it isn't just manners, but a seriously deep taboo, but other people might just think it is some minor quirk you are insisting they succumb to.

Mark it up to cultural differences. You were not BU for hoping she would follow the lead and remove her shoes. She was a bit arrogant in dismissing your request out of hand. As long as you were polite through out the process, you are indeed not BU.

YANBU but I also think your BIL is at fault here. It may just not have occurred to him because he is so used to it but really he should have told her beforehand that she was expected to take her shoes off and give her a heads up.

I do think you or dh needs to get him to explain it to her for next time.

i think that the blindness is caused by actual dog shit, not the imagined stuff that's on the floors of millions of houses in the UK

The op has gone on to say that the slippers were cleaned but if you had just been offered 'guest slippers' like the woman in the op you wouldn't necessarily know how clean they were. The phrase is quite off putting I think.

YANBU

This is not a cultural thing - and there are many cultures who also have this idea it is a hygiene issue.

The girlfriend was BUdid not have to wear the slippers - she should have gone barefoot and the boyfriend was BU for not 'warning' her.

I was brought up having to wear slippers in my house and DH was brought up as outdoor shoes could be worn on the bed if wanted.
It took me a while but I changed this!

Out of politeness, she should have removed her shoes. I tend to ask if I go into someones house the first time if it is a 'no shoe' house. Then, after that, I always make sure I dont have holey socks, stinky trainers etc when I visit.

Mine's a shoes on house, but doesnt bother me if people want me to take off my shoes at theirs.

Maybe she had a verrucca?

I am genuinely curious about dog and cat owners, if thay are a 'shoes off' household though. How does that work?