to get the woman to remove her shoes or is she BU by being rude?

[teddiegoestopeckham]

my BIL came over today with his new partner to meet me and DH (his brother). They came over for a few hours for a late lunch/tea.

Anyway i open the door for them (BIL already holding his coat :) ). anyway all the hellos, hugs, come in etc.
BIL automatically takes his shoes off and puts some of the slippers we have out for guests.
She looks very shocked by this and doesn't make a move to either take off her shoes or even ask if i would like her to take her shoes off (i am barefoot)

Anyway when I realise that she isn't taking her shoes off and asks her nicely and politely if she would mind taking her shoes off and if she would like we have slippers for guests (we have a pile like the ones BIL put on and they are very obvious)

BIL looks a bit awkward at his point and then she says' 'no, thank you' and walks though.

I was just stunned and so was BIL obviously.

But it would have been rude to say anything so i just let her carry on. And told DH when he came in about 15mins later not to say anything.

I'm japanese - and to me leaving your shoes on when entering someones house is a no no. I have managed over the years to be okay if someone just walks in to pick something up or drop something off. but if someone is coming in properly. They take their shoes off.

Even forgetting the culture I and this comes from - sure it is rude to reply like that when you are a guest into someones home?

or AIBU in asking people to remove their shoes upon entering??
I'm doubting both now...

Although I do respect your culture, I would not accept your slippers. That would really squick me out.

I take off my shoes in my house as do my husband and son. I wouldn't expect any guests to do the same.

YANBU, your house your rules.

strongest yep in england

How about you get some of those blue, plastic, hospital, shoe covers for guests?
And some alcohol squirty soap by the door.

You are not being unreasonable.

So what happens if you have a party? You finish up with 50 pairs of shoes in your hallway for people to trip over when they use a lavatory?

When in Rome ....... We expect hope immigrants and their children to integrate and take on the ways we live or at least not expect us to follow foreign ways in our own country.

YABU

I have been asked to wear 'guest slippers' in someone else's house. I felt very uncomfortable!!

It's not nice to offer shoes for a guest to wear that presumably numerous others have worn.

Maybe she has hideously deformed feet and doesn't want anyone to see?

You were both rude

I think you should follow what the rest of the household does. I got invited to neighbourhood drinks recently and it requested no stiletto heels and preferably indoor shoes . Heels I understand, indoor shoes?

My fil did the same thing when we moved into our new property. Now mil and fil are the only people who wear shoes when visiting. We have nice light flooring so everyone else takes them off automatically.

And you could always delouse guests too.. :o

I'm worried about this now.
We're moving into a flat with carpets everywhere. Soon there will be a baby crawling on the floor too.

Are people on here saying I have to let people drag the dirt of their shoes into my flat onto the carpets? If so, I don't think I want visitors ever again.

I feel differently if it's a wooden floor but carpets????

Also, shoes are part of your outfit. I wouldn't want to have a nice outfit on and a pair of slippers.

You are not being unreasonable. She was rude regardless of whether you ask for cultural reasons or because you are a clean fiend.

Unless she has fungus foot or something.

Are they allowed to use the loo?

Out of interest has anyone ever got a disease from people wearing shoes into the house? Not to my knowledge.

Definitely rude.

Shoes don't go any further than the hallway in my house. It has a wooden floor that I mop regularly. When I mop it, the water is black from all the dirt and grime that gets walked in. I shudder to think of that crap on my carpets. Dogs crap and piss on pavements, people spit etc. I don't want that shit in my home.

herald I think you are being a little harsh.

I am British and it's shoes off here. I don't want dirt and dog shit on the floors my baby will be crawling on soon.

It's a hygiene and custom thing for OP.

Not a case of When in Rome. it's when you're in a home, you do as the owners do!

well, as a host it's rude to make your guests feel uncomfortable.

however, as a guest it's rude not to show respect for your host's home, whether that be taking shoes off if asked, or general table manners.

in this instance, it's the brother that's at fault. he should have explained to his partner that she should take her shoes off, so she would wear appropriate socks/bring slippers/ deal with whatever the problem is.

she may be unaware that shoes should be taken off in a japanese home and may well have thought you were rude to ask her to do so. the brother should have avoided this.

or from wearing freshly washed and bagged slippers Clossiant?

yanbu,
I always follow house rules shoe wise, would probably be confused if offered slippers though, but imagine i would just Ask

How do people who have dogs deal with this? Take your paws off please-you may have walked in something.

I can't believe how rude some of these responses are, I have japanese friends and would not consider going in to their home with my shoes on, its a fairly well known and respected part of Japanese culture that outdoor shoes are not worn inside.
And Herald as for your delightful post, the op may be an immigrant in your country (i really hope that was a joke btw) but the woman was in the op's house and should respect her wishes.