to tell my size 18 friend i dont see often shes getting fatter infront of the group at dinner?

[PregolaLola]

thats sounds horrid, so why does she think its fair to do it to me because im a size 8 ?

'you must not eat that much'
'wow YOUR going to eat dessert'
'maybe you'll put on weight when you stop feeding'

just made me feel dreadful.

would any of you find that an ok thing to say to a 'pal'?

One of the worst things I've ever said - totally put my foot in it - was at an informal meeting/party thing, when we were discussing something about clothes and how you could fit two people in this particular waistcoat, and I said to the other woman,

"Oh, you're so skinny!"

And her face froze. And I looked twice, and realised she obviously had an eating disorder, and it was a horribly rude thing to say and I wish I could have just erased it from time itself. I've learned my lesson. Never discuss people's appearance.

When I was a size 18 and got called fat ( only by my mother I might add ), I found it hurtful and offensive and it effected my self esteem ).

Now I'm a size 8, I get called a skinny bitch, or similar, by friends, and occasionally strangers. I don't find it hurtful, and it certainly doesn't effect my self esteem, because that has changed completely since losing weight. I do think it is very rude and irritating though.

People comment a lot more now that I'm slim than they did when I was fat.

This is not a friend.

I think you should have looked her up and down, raise an eyebrow and then say "Oh, we're talking about people's size now, are we....?" and watch her squirm.

But then I'm naughty!!

quinn thats because you are happy now to be slim and you obviously made a point of losing a lot of weight to get there so it was something you can help, when your slim because thats just the way you happen to be and try as you might you dont put on weight so your gutted when you see tiny arms and twiglet legs in the mirror you take a this kind of of comment the same way someone who is a the opposite and trying to lose weight desperately but cant would take being called a fat bitch. Badly.

chit i sort of got home and thought of a load of narky comments that would have shut her up, at the time i was genuinely embarrassed felt a bit like being pulled up for something personal infront of the class at school

You were polite, she was a twat. But this is not a friend.

For satisfaction, why not give her both barrels next time.

Like so many others on this thread, I am slim and get comments about it every day and always have done. I was a scrawny kid, scrawny adolescent and when stressed am a scrawny adult.

I have never heard anyone make a comment to a blatant fattie about their weight, but if you are slim you are fair game. And I don't mean skinny, I mean slim / normal BMI - I am 5ft 4 and size 8 / 10, so not a skinny by any stretch.

It is very rude and I don't know why other women people think it is OK.

Being fat doesn't make anyone a 'real' woman. Your friend is clearly jealous of your figure and not happy as a larger woman.

I think those who have mentioned that she doesn't mean to be offensive are right - she sees your figure as perfect and probably doesn't think you have any body issues at all, so it's more likely meant as an envious compliment.

I'd have a quiet word with her about it. I admire women with slimmer figures as I think they look fab - being overweight / obese shouldn't be glorified as 'real' and 'curves' (before you jump on me I'm a 14 that could do with at least a stone off!) it's dangerous and unhealthy. I am overweight because I eat too much. I exercise regularly like a good girl though :)

While I take that point I wonder how many slim people have had comments shouted out at them from passing cars or on trains or in shops? I'll hazard a guess not many although I'm prepared to be educated.

whatme i think i will definately be prepared next time, i agree shes not a friend but we will inevitably see eachother again as when we tend to go out for dinner or something the whole group goes so she will no doubt be invited

carabos i also have found ive never been called skinny by a man, always women SIL'S,MIL,MUM,SIS','Friends', random women in shops!

my mum thinks it is in womens nature to do it i think maybe it is to be more judgemental on appearance than your average fella but i think that does not ever need to come out, especially as a means of being nasty!

Women always have comments shouted at them from passing cars, on trains or in shops. Whether fat or thin, some idiots think it's their job to give us their assessment of our bodies - they are kind enough to inform us if we are fat. They are delighted to let us know that we are too thin. If our boobs are large, they give us that information, just in case we haven't noticed. Some men are even good enough to give us the useful information that they'd like to 'give us one'. I find it all very helpful. The daily comments on my appearance are so informative - why bother with mirrors when there are ignorant people to help us out like this?

Commenting on people's weight and food intake is rude. OP well done for not being so inconsiderate as your friend. She needs to make peace with her own body and her own eating instead of trying to make you insecure about yours.

gwendoline i rather conveniently x posted there have a ead
random women in shops!
honest it happens

I am very short and very skinny. It seems to be genetic, so is my mum and my brother, and we all have very fast metabolisms. To keep to a decent weight I have to eat constantly (which I am very happy about as I love food) and take weight gain products. I am also fit and healthy and managed to conceive and bf with no problems. I am very happy with the way I look and if I could change anything it would be my eyebrows!

Like the OP I have also been on the receiving end of very odd comments. People have suggested I am anorexic and then bulimic (when they see me eat) and made these comments in social situations, in front of others, without knowing me very well and without being particularly concerned with my welfare (I am neither anorexic nor bulimic, but if I had been this would not be the way to help me - I don't think being helpful was what they had in mind with the comments). I am quite shocked at some of the things people say to me about my weight, as if they have a right to comment or as if it's a public concern issue.

Like others have mentioned, I too would turn it round to be a positive.

"Oh yes I'm definitely having pudding. I could sit about and eat pudding all day and not put on any weight. I'm so lucky"

"Yes, I might put on a bit of weight when I stop feeding but I'm so lucky that I am naturally slim so I doubt it will be much"

She sounds jealous and not much of a friend

Leonie have you had your thyroid checked? An underactive thyroid can make it impossible to lose weight.

As a lard arse this is all very informative. Good manners prevent me from commenting negatively on people's appearance but I genuinely didn't realise the extent to which it was possible to be slim and not happy with your body. Which is utterly stupid of me I know. To me, slim is the holy grail of appearance. Just goes to show...

I'm finding this discussion very interesting. Definitely agree there is a skewed perception of what a normal healthy weight looks like as so many women are overweight.

I get accused of being 'skinny' 'wasting away', 'you can't be eating properly' etc by friends and family. I am a size 10, and not remotely at all underweight, or skinny in the slightest. I am 5'7" and am in the middle of the healthy BMI range. But I do sometimes think labelling me as skinny helps people convince themselves that they are in fact normal and not overweight.

Plenty of slim people eat a perfectly balanced, healthy diet.

The vast majority of overweight people do not eat a perfactly balanced healthy diet.

Every overweight person I know, quite simply, eats too much. There may be underlying health issues that make it harder for them to not put on or lose weight, but ultimately, they still tend to eat far too much. There can be just as many health reasons that can make a person stay slim.

That's why it is so unfair that it is seen by some as ok to comment on someone being skinny but not someone being fat. The fact that some people like being slim is irrelevant.

We shouldn't judge others for their own choices or appearance at all, but if we're going to, we should be judging people that knowingly make their bodies unhealthy before we judge those that make healthy choices.

gwen im glad its made you realise, now to conker the issue woldwide i shall don a cape and pants and shout fom the rooftops 'i am slim you are large we ae both feeling a bit shit, cake?'

i am also a healthy bmi, just slim with a 32e bust so i tend to look like a weeble wobble, i get why someone may think im a 'skinnycow' (which doesn't even make sense) but dont say it at dinner infront of a group.

Heh, I don't eat a balanced, healthy diet. Calories in/Calories out might be balanced, but that doesn't guarantee other nutrients are.

I was v skinny years ago when i had a problem with my stomach. 5 foot 7 and size 6 and still rapidly losing weight.

My fat friend told me it 'was great as it was like having a stomach staple from free'. I thought 'do I f**king look like I need a stomach staple?' oh but i did need an operation anyway.....

she was very unhappy about her own weight & probably relieved to be able to have a pop about someone else's weight. she still drinks too much so is slipping towards serious weight problems & ill health.

i got well, got fatter, got a bit too fat & am now getting fit.

I've had comments all my life too. I think the argument that skinny is desirable is flawed as in the media women are also criticised for being too skinny. So whilst larger people may pick up on the message that slim is desirable, slimmer people may filter out those that focus on people beinf 'too thin'. There are plenty of them.

I have to say that I think that a lot of people are well aware of this when they make comments and it is in fact bullying. I think the 'they're just jealous' is often untrue. More like they re just nasty.

These sizest comments also come from the type of people that wouldn't dare say anything racist or to a bigger person. I think if they are not pulled up on it, it will just continue.

The problem is it can catch you off guard- eg I walked into a sauna- an older male stranger said 'you shouldn't be allowed in here you'll fall through the slats'. I said nothing and just felt awful and self conscious in my bikini.

At work a colleague commented on my weight daily. 'your clothes hang off you', 'is that all you re eating'- when unwell ... I kept justifying myself but eventually I said 'and you've just those last few pounds to lose eh' whilst gesturing at his stomach and he hasn't spoken to me since!

Another colleague told me that her husband would find my body type disgusting. I said my husband likes my slim body and she went on to say all the men she knows prefer curvy women! I countered that perhaps to some extent it was class based as maybe working class males like curvy women but really rich people are frequently very slim. She said that Add message | Report | Message poster molepom Sat 26-Nov-11 09:28:41
me
some people would find that suggestion offensive (which I'm sure they would and i did say it to annoy- but us it okay to say I'm disgusting!!!)

Incidentally I also have a normal bmi but am 5ft 10 which I guess can make me look slimmer. I do think I have curves though- my waist is 10 inches smaller than my hips- would never describe myself as curvy though as this word has been adopted by the media to describe slightly overweight people.

I think set phrases about the rudeness of such comments is the way forward- then if it is meant well it won't be said again, and if it is bullying it is stood up to.

Dont know how I added that random bit- posted from phone!