to tell my size 18 friend i dont see often shes getting fatter infront of the group at dinner?

[PregolaLola]

thats sounds horrid, so why does she think its fair to do it to me because im a size 8 ?

'you must not eat that much'
'wow YOUR going to eat dessert'
'maybe you'll put on weight when you stop feeding'

just made me feel dreadful.

would any of you find that an ok thing to say to a 'pal'?

when I come up against the stupid and ignorant...

I was a size 8 for years up to a hooge 10 now , and people used to think i was ill or watching my figure , I was away in september with lovely but slightly plumper friends and i dont really like cake or puddings anyway , they also had a bit of a dig at me for not having afters , i didnt say oiy podgey i think you have had enough cake , cos thats rude , but them telling me in jest i should eat some to get some meat on the old bones was ok !

I used to get this a lot OP and still do...just not as much as when I was younger!

I used to find myself actually apologising for being slim and people who didn't even know me thought it was quite acceptable to say things like "Wow, look at you, you skinny cow!" Ok, they may have meant it in their mind as a 'compliment' but it was quite embarrassing as a teenager particularly.

These days it takes a little work to stay slim and I'm quite proud of the effort I've put in so I just thank them...whether what they've said is in good grace or not.

My sister, is also slim, is more ---rude- blatant than I am, If people call her 'skinny' then she calls them 'fatty boom-boom'. I have told her to stop because this is sinking down to their level.

thanks guys
ormIrian i get what you mean but ive always been this very size or just under so its nothing new, which is why i dont get mentioning it
and i dont think my having an issue should change that she said it she reckons she loves her size but if i called her a heffa i think she'd be somewhat miffed, but no i have not told her i dont like my size

i think its easier to brush of the you skinny cow or skinny minny comments because they arent so targeted at me she was making a point of it and it was all just a bit horrid really

quite shocked how many this happens to, but a bit happy as its not just me being judged for the 'other' weight topic silly isnt it?

I have had this for years and it really gets me down actually. Its rude, and makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. I am 5'2" and tiny. I do however have a normal BMI (and its never been commented on by any medical professional as being an issue).

However I still find myself having to justify myself and being almost apologetic for it. I feel like if I give a compliment its slapped back in my face for being insincere or patronising (when its not) just because of my size. It depresses me.

If I go out to eat, I feel like I'm being watched with what I eat. As a rule I don't tend to eat a full sized serving, but then I should only eat in the region of 1500 calories a day, so why should I be eating a full plate designed to fill a fully grown man? DH likes it, as he does a lot of sport and needs the extra calories so clears what I don't eat, but the point is I'm self conscious about this and worry whether I should be eating more, when I know I am eating the right amount for me and stopping when I feel full.

Friends have complained that they can't clothes to fit them and look good and make the assumption its dead easy for me. (Have you tried finding size 4-6 clothes with big tits for the over 30s? Its harder than you think). All in all, it does make me feel a freak and 'not womanly'.

Oh and don't get me started on the number of people who asssume I'm veggie or say I 'look a vegetarian' whatever the hell thats supposed to me.

I like my cow burger steaks mooing with bacon and chips on the side thanks.

No I don't think this is very nice at all, and I have been both underweight and overweight. I think it's rude to comment on someone's appearance unless it is a compliment, or advice has been asked for.
Of course if someone is really concerned about a freind/family member's weight or eating habits then they should take them aside, and adress them tactfully in private.
I also dislike the word 'skinny'. To me it is on a par with calling someone 'fatty'. Why not use the word 'slim'?

I hate this. There is such double standards going on.

You cannot say the 'F' word, god forbid! But us skinny minnies are allowed to be attacked regulary. Don't get me started on the 'real women' gok wan shoite either.

One word: jealousy!

I would respond to her with:

'you must eat too much'
'You shouldn't eat dessert, you don't need it'
'maybe you'll lose weight when you stop overeating'

I seriously would. If someone commented on ym appearacne and had everyone one join in, I'd remark on her size and food habits.

The double standards originate in our cultural view that fat is bad and thin is good - and skinny is even better. We have sayings like "you can never be too rich or too thin", and the Daily Mail media bombard us with images of skinny women, with approving comments.

So it's not an even playing field, and to comment on how fat someone is IS NOT equivalent to commenting on how thin someone is.

My heart bleeds for all you poor skinnies. Life must be so hard effortlessly conforming to the cultural ideal. Wait until you have spent some time as a fat person, and then see whether you think it's the same.

My heart bleeds for all you poor skinnies. Life must be so hard effortlessly conforming to the cultural ideal. Wait until you have spent some time as a fat person, and then see whether you think it's the same.

Well you know, it is just as easy for a fat person to spend some time as a normal weight person. All they have to do is eat less and move more.

A1980 are you my sister????

Onehand - it is equally rude. And you are rude. Would it be ok for me to say to any overweight person on this thread is that ok for you 'fatties. No!

Bitter? Much?

Erm... obese IS bad for your health? Did you miss that? Does that mean thin women should be punished for this?

OneHandFlapping you are incredibly rude and insensitive. How is it the fault of any normal person what the media print?

I'm sorry, but take the chip off your shoulder and stop projecting on to others. Thats equally unfair.

totally agree withfatlazymummy - "it's rude to comment on someone's appearance unless it's a compliment or they are asking for advice"

A1980 - all of us have things we don't like about ourselves. I'm slim but I don't conform to any "cultural ideals" - unless being very hairy, small, saggy tummy and tiny breasts is a cultural ideal. The point is, almost no-one conforms to cultural ideals because they are mostly created (air-brushing/photoshopping, ridiculous exercise regimes, surgery, selling clothes to women of 30, using models who are 18). That's what we should be arguing against, not dissing each other.

sorry - that was to OneHandFlapping and A1980

^ Jamie you are preaching to the choir! I am a few pounds above the maximum weight for my height, I have PCOS and have facial hair, I have to shave my face daily. I'm certainly not a cultural ideal.

But I do not think it accpetable to make comments about anyones appearance to thier face and infront of others regardless of what size they are.

I read and appropriated this from an MN thread on life mottos:

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

I know that I do sometimes comment on how slim someone is (though I try to stop myself) because I am envious (being somewhat overweight). I wouldn't comment on what someone ate though.

And I also know full well that all I have to do to cahnge it is go on a strict diet rather than be mad a thin people..... It's called maturity.

yes, sorry A1980 - I mis-read the name.

I spent nearly my whole adult life as a size 18, and now I've been a size 8 for three years. So I know what it's like from both sides. Not much else to say really, except this is a really odd thread!

onehand (or should i refer to you as obese one?) maybe it should be an even playing field for the sake of both sides
as its already been mentioned what about the whole real woman thing why should we be made to feel were not real women for something we cant help so someone fat feels better about themselves for a bit

verlaine - I know what you mean. Whilst it is rude to comment, I have had such comments myself - just because I don't like puddings. It's boring, but I do try and see it as a reflection of how someone feels about themselves, not how they feel about me

I don't conform to cultural ideals. I am thin, true, but I am also very short, have small boobs, am pale and don't tan well, have fine flyaway hair that started going grey at age 21, and I'm very short sighted. I also don't think I have a particularly pretty face, but that could be a matter of opinion.

To be honest, I sometimes think that being naturally thin is the only thing I have going for me, appearance wise.

It's not true that being thin means you have no concerns about your appearance.