to tell my size 18 friend i dont see often shes getting fatter infront of the group at dinner?

[PregolaLola]

thats sounds horrid, so why does she think its fair to do it to me because im a size 8 ?

'you must not eat that much'
'wow YOUR going to eat dessert'
'maybe you'll put on weight when you stop feeding'

just made me feel dreadful.

would any of you find that an ok thing to say to a 'pal'?

great,inform theres one just for you proud

Scray - I think that's true as well. A size 12 now is what a size 8 was 20 years ago

Slim is a compliment. "Skinny", with its associations with wasting away, anorexia, boniness (is that a word), sticky out ribs and collarbones and an inability to enjoy food and drink normally, is not a compliment, even if the person saying it doesn't mean those things. Same as someone who is overweight might bristle at being called "curvy" or "well built".

YANBU

Sadly, as the average weight of people in the UK continues to rise, slim people will become more and more "unusual" and so presumably can expect more of these thoughtless comments.

haha typical, great and inform

I am bitter - a bit. I've spent ALL my adult life as an overweight woman. For the last year, I have been thin.

I really regret not taking my weight in hand sooner, I feel so much happier about my appearance. Clothes shopping is so much more pleasurable when you don't have to worry about muffin tops, saddle bags, big stomachs etc.

As a fat woman, I would have been mortified to be called eg a fat cow.

If anyone called me a skinny cow now, I would love it.

So go on. Call me rude. How many of you have been both sides of the fence?

You would have been well within your rights to tell her she was getting fatter!!

I've bitten my tongue on many occasions. I don't like being so skinny (I guess no one's ever that happy with how they look) but I cannot stand it when people ask whether I eat in that "there's no way you eat very much" tone.

There was one "friend" who when I hugged her hello/goodbye used to exclaim on how skinny I was in front of everyone. I don't speak to her anymore.

Just because you're skinny doesn't automatically mean you're happy with your weight, or that people can go on and on about it in front of everyone! Had it at work too. SIGH.

Yes, but Onehandflapping, you can appreciate it being called a "skinny cow" () precisely because you have been both. But personally I don't appreciate being called a cow of any description because I am very slim, and I'm sure that's true of the other lifelong skinnies.

It's true that people don't know what a medically normal weight looks like anymore. My BMI is 20. But apparently I look anorexic? I don't - I have boobs and a bottom, and even a bit of cellulite. Do people know what a real anorexic looks like?

OneHand That's your personal experience

It's certainly not my experience and when I was a teenager, desperate to put on weight, your view would have come across to me as just as bitter as it did earlier....even though now I'm very happy with my figure and work to maintain it.

onehand so because you was fat and skinny its ok that im made a show of because despite trying i cant put on weight and have never been fat?

OneHandFlapping if it makes me feel self conscious, embarassed and question my eating habits is that a good thing? It makes me feel all the same emotions that a larger lady might feel in a restuarant. We should all just be able to feel like we can eat without the judgment being placed upon us. We shouldn't feel like we have to make explanations and apologies to people who are supposed to be friends should we?

Onehand - you are spectacularly missing the point. How is someone calling me anorexic/bulimic any less rude than some some calling you a fat cow? Both are horrible.

How many of you have been both sides of the fence?

Me.

When I was a bit overweight the people I knew commented constantly on my size - "if only you lost weight you'd be really pretty" kind of crap.
When I lost a lot of weight and was very slim I got "You must be anorexic. You must be ill".

Some women will always use negativity about body image to undermine another woman's confidence. It is because they are deeply insecure and fucked up and project their shit onto others to assuage their own crippling self-loathing.

I wish I'd known this truism when I was 19 - how different my life would have been.

It is pretty insulting when someone implies that you don't eat much - it suggests that you are vain, uptight and obsessive, when really you love food, you just aren't greedy and do plenty of exercise...

Esta - this is brilliant and so very true:

Some women will always use negativity about body image to undermine another woman's confidence. It is because they are deeply insecure and fucked up and project their shit onto others to assuage their own crippling self-loathing.

it suggests that you are vain, uptight and obsessive, when really you love food, you just aren't greedy and do plenty of exercise...

That was a bit of a backhander...

thing is i really do love my food scary and never would have felt uncomfortable as eating and going out for food was something ive always enjoyed, but on this occasion because of what she said i felt this strange pessure

Is it our fault you've spent all your adult life fat, onehand? Didn't think so...

Displace your bitterness elsewhere, or maybe try and be happy you are slimmer and healthier now?

*pressure

GwendolineMary I didn't mean it to come across as a backhander - it is just a fact.

"just aren't greedy "

No that isn't a 'fact' ,that is a judgement.

Getting sidetracked I think. Maybe she meant "smaller appetite". Or is that a judegment as well?

No of course it isn't. 'Greedy' is never a neutral word.

I know fat greedy people and I know thin greedy people so I'm not sure greed really comes into it.